Why do I feel this way

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I was wondering if I could get any help or at least hear from someone who understands what I'm going through.

I'm a 21 year old girl. And I don't understand why other peoples thoughts effect me so much. Depending on the day a slight negative comment can just ruin my day or reduce me to tears. Something as my friend jokingly saying "I hate you" ( after I told her I couldn't give her a ride) made me feel so guilty and made me feel terrible. I feel like I obsess on how others perceive me. It's not only friends but family and stupidly a comment from a random person of the internet can not only upset me but make me furious.

I find it so strange at how intense these feelings are. Most of the time I'm upset simply due to the fact I let someone's opinion get to me.

I'd love to see a therapist, but maybe once I move out or I can at least pay for it myself.

I'm studying psychology with Counselling and I feel I should know the answer to this haha.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble. I was just wondering if anyone had a a better idea then I do.

Thank you

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Feeling like this is part of anxiety and depression. Lack of self asteam or confidence. Your apology for asking kinda said it all. You have to learn to love yourself as a person. Is university the first time you have been away from home? Does the university run self awareness courses? I so sign up. But believe in yourself. You have rights. You can say no to giving lifts and think nothing more about it. You can be you. Peopl will love the real you. The one who does and says what she wants and how she feels. And if you need help go see your GP you can get counselling on the NHS and one day do the same foe someone else feeling the way you do now. Good luck.
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  • Posted

    Thank you so much for replying. Your insight was truly helpful and it's given me some guidance and made my thoughts much clearer.
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  • Posted

    at the risk of being pilloried for sexism, i do think this problem is much more common in women a lot of the time. we're very often brought up to people-please  and to be sweet and kind and pretty and our role models, ie our mothers, have a job description that pretty much reads: Make Everyone Happy (to the point of exhaustion and bankruptcy if necessary!).... No wonder young women feel so strongly about rejection/criticism/disagreements. Beverley 10109 has some excellent suggestions, but Id like to also add maybe read up on some feminist literature? Not the man-hating extremists, perhaps some Camille Paglia, Erica Jong or Germaine Greers more recent stuff. Knowledge IS Power! Most of all - Dont be so hard on yourself, and also read up on Cognitive Biases like the Spotlight Bias - ie, that we all feel everyone else is scrutinizing and noticing us in minute detail, whereas actually most people are far too involved in their own life to pay very much attention to other people - In other words, those hurtful comments really are just offhand and the person never ever meant you to feel real pain as a result. Finally, try saying "no" more often - if only to prove that other people really wont mind as much as you fear!
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  • Posted

    Maybe you are a little extra sensitive because you seem to be the caring type as I see you are studying psychology and counselling.  Low self esteem can come from being caring for others and you don't necessarily look after your own well being.

    Try to become more self reliant by looking to your own needs as well as others.

    Hope this helps 

    Richard

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