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sorry in advance for my grammar or spelling
I honestly don't know where to start.
but here goes nothing right?
last year , before going into highschool , my best friend and I decide to enroll into charter schools. and when we recieved new that we were picked to go to the charter school we both were so happy moreover I was just so happy we could stay together , looking back at it I would have liked for someone to tell me how hard charter schools are ,In a way I knew what i was getting myself into, but you know what i wanted a 'better education' I wanted to prove to myself and family that I could do better if I just tried harder.
keep in mind we had to start school earlier then others (i reallly don't know how people can do that but props to you fam)
my mom and I went to the unifrom stores that week to buy clothes and things I needed because they were very specific.
everymorning I would have to wake up around 4 or 5am to get ready and catch the bus to go to the school since it was in a different district.
now im not saying i had a hard time with all of that because i know there are people who do much much more than what i did.
anyways the first two weeks were okay but they seriously gave alot of work. for sure i realized i wasn't ready for it.
by october it started , i started to hear people whisper 'it stinks'
'wet dog' and it didnt worry me at first because this never ever happend to me and i knew my hygein wasn't bad.
but it started to get to me when i began to hear my name in the sentences.
i though it would stop but it just continued. and even though my bestfreind was there i really couldn't bring myself to tell anyone.
that is until we reached the end of october.
i really couldn't take it , i hated waking up so early , i haetd going to sleep so late to busy worrying about what would happen the next day, and i hated that i didn't know what was going on.
why me? i started to question myelf. at first i thought it was maybe because i needed to take more than one shower a day. so i woke up extra early to clean myself up. soon enough i didn't have to take the puiblic bus because the school then provided one for the kids that didn't live in the town. I thought the bus was going to be a safe place because the kids in there seemed nice and decent but soon they also started to realise it to.
that day, when we came of the bus his friend asked him 'does she stink?' and he just nooded and said 'yeah'. i wanted to collapse right there and then but i kept telling myself that this is what i woud have to go through if i wanted a better education since the highschool i was supposed to go to had and still has a bad reputation.
i didn't bother eating breakfast so then we went to class , i remember that day to clear . it was algebra class and the teacher had changed my seat to the front of the class and the guy that sat next to me well he started to also say it smelled and covered his nose aswell. you know those types of guys that think they are the sh*t and think they are so cute well he was one of those guys.
after a having hearing the comments so much i decide i really couldn't do it anymore so i basically had a breakdown , it happend when we were changing classes i remember having to go to spanish but i quickly got a pass from the teacher since i guess she could see the panic and tears building up in my eyes.
i went to the bathroom and i tried looking for solutions towards why this was happednig to me and i found nothing.
oh i also remember we weren't allowed to use cellphones at all under no currcumstances. but i used mine. my hands started to tremble and shake , my eyes were to teary i could bearly see my mom's contact number.
when my mom answered she was had just gotten out of the hospital from a check up because i was going to have another baby sister.
i asked her to come pick me up and when she heard my voice shake and nose sinffle she knew she had to come right away.
keep in mind the school staff didn't know i had called my mom so they just sent me up to class again.
when my mom came to pick me up i no longer wanted to talk to anyone. that was until i got home and finally build up the courage to tell her , i was afraid she wouldn't believe me but when she saw how much i was crying she called my pidiatrician to get a check up and see what was going on .
the next morning when we went to see the pidiatrician she said she didn't smell anything and that what the kids were doing was bullying .. *up until now i dont think it's bullying well i'm not sure anymore to what is what*
she said 'go to school nothing is wrong' , she said 'be brave it's normal' but i couldn't i felt like everything was falling apart.
i no longer wanted to live. so when i got home i , i took down a bottle of pills. but my sister noticed something was off so she called my mom to come check up on me. after realising what i did she called the ambulance and taken to the hospital , i was put in there for about 2 week in 'therapiodic' or something but it was for people my age. and trust me it was pretty bad in there , not because the staff were horrible but because i missed my family. i was told i was supposed to be in there for a month but i thankfully got out in the next wensday. i was transferred back to the highschool i was origanlly supposed to got to (the one in my town) and i was kinda glad to be somewhere knew but i sensed it wouldn't be over and i was right . so in mid november i decide not to go anymore and i refused to go anywhere. so far i was given 3 social workers *case managers* for crisis or whatever it's called . they gave me a teacher to come teach me home. but she also started to cover her nose with her hand or sweater or putting on perfume and lotion whenever she got the opportunity. they stopped giving me the teacher in the last few weeks of school and again i went throught the same cycle. so i choose to skip class. and it affected me badly , but what can i say i was scared and my anexity had increased due to what happend.
my therapist included that she didnt smell anything , that it was all in my head but no . i know it's not.
my mom and sister think it's all in my head aswell.
this year im in my sophmore year in credit recovery due to horrible choices i made.
it was going all okay , i heard a couple comments here and there but i ignored them but today , nope i really couldn't lie to myself and say it was all in my head because i know it's not and i feel like sooner or later i may break again. i just wish i found an explination for all of this .
i need to find a solution without it being 'all in my head'
im scared that the same things will happen , i just want a simple life you know? i just want to get through all of this and go to college ,marry someone,have kids, all that squshy dumb stuff , maybe it's to much to ask for everything to go back to normal .
please help me
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