Why do my loved ones trigger anxiety !! Help

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Really struggling to understand why loved ones trigger my anxious episodes ? They love my and I then so I can understand why this should happen and it's really freaking me out !! I worry constantly if they are okay. The slightest misunderstanding I think oh god my children will leave home I may never see them again. My relationship with my partner will end I will end up on my own just left with anxiety. Can any body help me understand please x

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  • Posted

    Hi, gill:  I understand completely what you are saying...I have the same thing.  You have a fear of abandonment...ever since I can remember I thought my mom and dad were going to leave me while I was at school...There was no reason to think that since we were a loving family with one sister and mom and dad who ended up happily married for 62 yrs until they both passed away.  As they got older, I had a HORRIBLE fear that they would die and leave me.  I was married, and I had the fear that he would leave for for someone else.  He actually did, but I must have brought that fear alive by showing him my insecurities...It's a terrible feeling, but I'm doing better now, and I realize I can make it on my own..I also have faith in God and prayers...I hope this helps sweetie...
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    • Posted

      Thank you so Much for replying. I was beginning to think I was the only one out there who's family made them anxious. I was adopted but I was bought up well and have a fantastic adoptive family but think you are right it's the abandonment that must be the route of it. I have no reason to worry really but i can't help it just something said a certain way can do it ! I am critical of my partner just because I want him to be a certain way to protect me from him making me anxious. Did you do that ? I was married but my husband went off too. I didn't do anything wrong but I was guilty of being anxious and guess I wasn't and still aren't easy to live with. I like time to myself quite often too. I really get anxious if anybody isn't kind to me or rejects me in any way it really effects me even if it's somebody who doesn't matter in my life. I get all the symptoms and become irritable too. How did you overcome it ! I appreciate you taking time out for me I know how many emails Coke through its impossible to answer them all. thanks again. It's crazy as I was even starting to get anxious as nobody replied. Have to laugh at myself for that but it's true. Xx
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    • Posted

      Gill:  I haven't been able to overcome it completely, but I have a very good doctor who worked with me and found four meds that work great for me.  They may not work well for you, but every person's chemistry is different.  When I'm with any kind of loved ones, I get hot flashes, my heart races, my back hurts, my head hurts, I feel faint, etc.  After they are gone, I feel somewhat normal again.  Honestly, if I didn't have those four meds I would probably be in a mental hospital or worse now.  I have had YEARS of anxiety and then depression.  Usually it starts out with agitated depression, and then goes from there.  If you want to know the meds that I take just let me know, but there is no guarantee that they would work as well with your chemistry....HUGS.
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  • Posted

    I get that. One of my sisters who's personality I can only handle for so long. I avoid or find visiting for only so long.
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    • Posted

      Thank you. I know what you mean. I am like that I have a couple of shall we say louder members of the family. Who I avoid if I can. It's like I don't know what they will say next or they will sing Loudly ir all puts me on edge and starts my anxiety Ott or adds to it. Sounds like you have learnt to accept it how did you get to that point ? X
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  • Posted

    Hi Gill,

    I am going through something similar at the moment.

    I fear the closest people in my life will either leave me, get hurt, or at the worst die.

    I think it is natural to have these thoughts from time to time, but you need to be able to dissmiss them easily. When you are anxious this is hard to impossible and you end up dwelling and falling into a spiral of fear (this is how it is for me).

    I have found that instead of trying to fight the anxiety (which always seems to make me more anxious), It is more useful for me to try and relax, take the pressure off of myself. If you set yourself hard targets, you will eventually fail, and that will send you into a fear spiral and push your progress back.

    I liken it it to being in water. You usually sink faster than you can swim up, so a little failure can send you back further than a lot of accomplishment.

    I have been setting myself little targets that are easier to meet, and then congratulating myself when I achieve them. This keeps my mood up which in turn helps stop the anxiety creeping in. I find keeping my mood good helps so much, so try to be positive about everyday things.

    Another thing that has helped me was reading a blog about mindfulnes. I haven't finished it yet, but the writer has a lot of little tips and tricks. Some of it sounds kind of odd and like it should be for a group of hippies, but I have found some of it actually works. One of the tasks is to spend time during to day to spot the mirraculous in the mundane. Looking at nature and realising how amazing it is, and taking joy in things that you might not normally notice.

    The woman in the blog plays a little game where she uses her smart phone to snap quick pictures of things that she notices while being mindful. It helps during the moment, but also later on because the images can be revisited.

    Anyway, I hope some of this helps you with your predicament. smile

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    • Posted

      Thanks you for replying to me. It does help knowing you understand that's what so hard. I try hard to disguise it but my partner will ask me what's up and I snap mainly because I don't know whats up half the time ! Is the mindfulness a website if so could I have details so I can have a look. I did see a counsellor many years ago and this has reminded of it. She said to study a flower and how it's formed. Sounds similar but I am going todo it and take a pic of it. I think you rite what your saying it's just so easy to get in a rut. I have good and bad spells and don't understand what my real problem is and it get so frustrated. X. How long have you felt this way
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    • Posted

      Just over a week Gill, since my 2 year old nephew was diagnosed with leukaemia.

      If I post a link it will get moderated, but if you google 'silver linings project' you should find the blog.

      I hope it helps you.

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    • Posted

      Aww. ! That's awful but I guess you feel bad cod it's your feeling the way you do and it's your nephew who has s fight but that's how anxiety works. Because you sensitive and caring cos oriole with this usually are your empathy is stringer and it effects your own well being. You will have been worrying for everyone and probably seeing it as a catastrophe You lose yourself and become ill. Prob other small things and built it up too but you don't notice. I know it's scary but you are working hard on it already so I admire that. Have you suffered previously or is this your first encounter x
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    • Posted

      Yeah, that's exactly it Gill. This is my first time suffering like this. Anxiety has always been a part of my life, but only a small dismissible part. I would get anxious about public speaking, or if somebody in my family was in trouble or something, but it was always controllable before. This is the first time it has taken over my life.

      I have been pretty good for a day or so now, but falling back into it is always a concern. The mornings seem to be the worst part, if I can turn it around early then I am usually set for a good day.

      This forum has helped a lot. It is very supportive, and trying to help others gives a real boost too.

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    • Posted

      I know ! Anxiety is a funny thing it's as thou you have a load of problems to sort out but it's like you domt know what actually the problems are ! I feel same as you as never been on a forum before myself but found it helpful and it's taken away the feeling of isolation for me. I used to feel so alone as thou I must be the only person in the world who feels like this. I remember how I felt when I had my first shall we say episode ! You never forget it but I have to say it's never gone that deep since. Still there and I always feel scared of its return. That in itself keeps it alive ! I accept its just something I have to line with now ! As for mornings. ( omg ). Me too it can be make or break for the day ! When I wake up its there ! I feel as scared as if a burglar could be stood at the end of my bed ! I find just getting up quickly and getting busy works best. I am always worse when I am off work at weekends especially Sunday's for some reason. With work I have to be up and out for 8 so no time to take notice. Sunday's well how ever hard i try it's always worse. Sometimes i think I don't want to go to bed only cos i know the next thing will be waking up. I think on here you can pick up tips here and there which I am grateful for ! Partners and family care not they just don't get it. I feel like I have split personality Without anxiety full of life and fun and then with it I withdrawn and miserable X
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