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I am a 20 year old male which suffers from anxiety and depression. I lost my purpose of life and I don't feel like I'll get it back. I feel like I'm too fragile and sensitive for this world. 3 years ago everything started and after a time I lost my entire life. Every thought inside my brain there are influences of a strong negativism. It feels like some sort of blanket which is around me which I can't put off. Sometimes I feel like I want to rip my skin off because of this. I can't take zero pressure. I lack a lot of discipline where I hate myself for. I have social anxiety my entire life. I have zero mental energy left. When I am outside my stress level is gigantic and have lots of anxiety. Every day is the same and nothing changes. Therapy doesn't work and medicine either. I am broke because I can't work. I have zero chances for getting a relationship ever. I suck at my hobbies and have no talent. I can't handle emotions properly and often I feel like a zombie because of that. I can't take anything what does something with my body (alcohol, caffeine, lots of sugar) or I get high anxiety and derealization.
Why do I deserve this? I suffered from mental abuse for 10 years at home. I did drugs after that with a few bad trips and now I am rock bottom for ages. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting punished for that and I deserve to live my entire life in this mess. I have zero luck.
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