why i am still living?

You're here, because basically, you just don't want to die, but are unhappy with your current situation.

I am no psychiatrist, but you need to find a direction. I left home at 16 with no money in my pocket - it is harder to do that these days than when I did it.

But I never looked back, I got a job, I rented a room, I did hard jobs, hard work, not necessarily menual. And I took temp jobs bcause I'm rubbish at interviewing, but they took me on permanent because they saw I was good. And then promoted me.

It isn't easy, but you're going to have to find that direction and make a push for it. Otherwise nothing will change, except you'll be a bit older.

Hello there - well you can come to this site to talk about your problems and the burdens in your life - that is a start. It sounds as if you self esteem is very low and you confidence has been crushed over time .It is not surprising that you feel so low and have such harsh feelings about yourself. i do not have the sense that telling you what to do is right for now. i thinl others on the site may do a better job.I think that being able to have a birth certificate would be very important thing for you at this stage. Is your auntie who seems to have cared about you and suppported you through school still around? Sometimes we only need one or two people -good people in our lives to help us through. You are not a lowly person - you just feel like one at the moment. Many not handsome men who are thin find love in this life in time. I am not sre how old you are but I would say quite young. The first thing I would do if I were you is to change your user name - this will help. keep on coming back. Change is a long process.

Are you in the uk? Or the US? How old are you?

So sorry to hear how you are feeling , why is it our minds play tricks on us wish I had the answer .

Your self esteem is very low at the moment. I also feel like this and it is negative thinking that causes these feelings. Your not useless and as somebody as already said change your user name. Try changing each negative thought into a positive thought. Hard i know but with practice it can be done. Write down your negative thought ie I am useless and write at the side of it something like ie I am good at something, anything, we are all good at something, we all have something positive. It's believing that. I am struggling myself today. I feel unloved and have low self esteem. I have thought about it and thou i feel unloved, i know there are two little children that love me unconditionally. My grandchildren. They hug me and kiss me and that makes me feel loved, they are 4 years and nearly two. They don't judge me. I look after the youngest when his mum works, so i know i am needed. I don't feel loved by an adult, that's different. I had an abusive childhood and that is the stem of all my problems. I also know Jesus and that he loves us, all the broken people, and even that doesn't always help. Your adoption is unfortunate for you, but you cannot change the past, like i myself cannot either. Don't let that destroy you, i let my past destroy me for too long. Do something for yourself, be in the moment, enjoy that moment. Being overweight or plain looking is not what stops you beng loved. There are many overweight and plain people who are loved. What stops you from being loved is the negativity that you project. If you cannot love yourself how can you expect someone else to love you? I have been on my own a long time because i push everyone away. If you put barriers up nobody can get through. I do this because it stops me getting hurt and rejected. I am a widow from a young age and always wanted to get married again, i know this won't happen now as my physical health is not good now. I guess your young, so do some online free courses Futurelearn is a good one, i have done some and at least i am learning. Mindfulness is the one i have just started. I am finding it very interesting and hope to apply it to my own llife.

Elizabeth.