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Why stigmatize something so common?

Posted , 2 users are following.

ida79960
ida79960

I’ve just been diagnosed with HSV2 and I’m not handling it so well, because of what some peoples opinions are about it. I am terrified to tell this to a potential partner, because I feel men would be more judgemental towards it than women. I don’t really care about the sores, me in general, I can live with it. But emotionally NOT AT ALL. I don’t feel like myself anymore because I feel like this will be a BIG dealbreaker for a partner. And why is HSV1 suddenly okay and HSV2 not? When they both are herpes. Herpes is herpes. I know they are not the same type of strain but anyways. I feel terrible. Do someone have an opinion about the stigma towards HSV2?

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • mark50520
    mark50520 ida79960

    Posted

    Sorry to hear about your HSV Ida. I have had HSV2 for about 3 years.

    The figures from the USA show that between one in four and one in five people have HSV, so we have plenty of company. There will be lots of people you meet every day with HSV and who are getting on with their lives and having good relationships. They just dont have signs attached to their heads saying "I have HSV" so you dont know. Unfortunately there will be a minority people who will stigmatise HSV out of ignorance. We cant control them and mostly dont owe them any explanation.

    The exception is any future sexual partners. We do need to tell the we have HSV.

    I would recommend that you plan exactly when and how you will have this awkward conversation and stick to that plan. I've had the conversation with several new partners and it's always gone well. From what i've read on forum guys arn't more judgemental about this than girls, so it will likley go better than you expect.

    Best of luck to you

    • ida79960
      ida79960 mark50520

      Posted

      Thank you, Mark! It really helps to read this. Can I ask you how do you tell people you date/sleep with that you have HSV and how do they usually respond? And how did you take it when you first got diagnosed? I just can’t seem to think of a good location or the perfect time to tell people this. But it really helps to read someones experiences with this!
  • mark50520
    mark50520 ida79960

    Posted

    First decide on at what point to have the discussion and don't chicken out. I do it when I think sex is on the cards but before the clothes come off, say when we have gone home together but we arn't in the bedroom yet.

    Second think through how to introduce the discussion. I think its best not just to blurt out about the Herpes I start by saying I would like to have a slightly awkward conversation about sexual health......  I say I get checked for STIs regularly and that i hope they do too. (This softens the focus a little) Then .... I need to tell you i have had Herpes in the past and that means I am never fully rid of it. Whilst my symptoms are very mild I don't want to pass them anything so  in future if I have an outbreak I will refuse to have sex with them at that time. I also suggest they discuss what I have said about Herpes with their clinic next time they get screened

    Usually they look pretty alarmed to start with but actually appreciate the honesty and recognise that I'm trying to act in their best interest.

    Once when I had the conversation, she said "i'm glad you've said that. I have HSV2 as well" and we both had a laugh about it.

    • ida79960
      ida79960 mark50520

      Posted

      It sounds like a funny experience that the one girl you told said she also had it! It sounds like a dream scenario in my head so it wouldn’t be taken so badly! I really do hope I will get experiences like this and not be rejected. I do not think I am an ugly girl, but after this I kinda do, just hope it goes over over time and that I will find a partner that accepts this! Thank you for your time, really apprecciate it!
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