Why work so hard when it's worthless?

Posted , 11 users are following.

In school, my result are considered top 10 but whenever I bring back my report, my parents expect me to be the best in school. They always compare me to my older brother and I didn't like it. I always wanted to be the best. Once I saw a slogan, it's "Don't hope for it, work for it" so I worked really hard. Until one day, I got second and I told my parents about it and they were not happy so I ask myself " why work so hard when it's worthless?" so i gave up since then. Sometimes I felt like cutting myself but once I have done it, there is no way going back.

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Life is about yourself, you have no duty or debt to your parents. My father was very much the same and I was compared to my older brother, who went to university and then became an officer in the army.

    In the end, I ran away from home when I was 16 and never went back, nor did I ever look back - I am not recommending this course of action. I never ever did got on with my father, I tried, but I always felt that I was a disappoinment, despite ending up with a good managerial job at a top international company.

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is, look after yourself, do what makes you happy and stop worrying about your self image.

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  • Posted

    My parents were exactly the same! I was offered a scholarship to a private school and didn't take it. I have learned since that I am very intelligent and so are you! I am older now and realise that was their world but not ours. You cannot put an old head on young shoulders. No doubt they wished they had done more in their lives and tried to live it through you. You have done nothing wrong! We cannot change the past, we have to get on with what we chose! Cannot regret as nothing will change it xx
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  • Posted

    Hi aubrey

    Depression does hurt and you need to stop living for up to your parent expectation 

    I have been doing this with my mom trying the get her to accept me i sent her cards over the holiday and a Christmas plant she did not appreciate any of them and told me I sshould never have sent them which hurt my feelings. 

    My sister tells me my mom is just and angry and bitter person who does not care about anything. 

    Nobody is perfect only God is perfect and you should live up to your own expectations. Just because you came in second that is not right that your parents were mad at you, you did the best you could and you should be proud of your self do not worry about what your parents think because you are the only one who is going to have to live with yourself because your parents are not always going to be around so you just have to put some self esteem back into you and understand that you can only do the best you can in life 

    Its your parents problems if they do this to you so please do not let your parents put you down like my mom did to me yes it hurts when your own parent do this to us but we are good in Gods habnds and nobody is perfect so just do not live up to you parents expectations only your then this way you won't have to deal with your parents wanting you to be better when you already are a good person. 

    Please talk to a therapist before things get out of hand 

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  • Posted

    I think that is just parents for you.  They always want the best for their children.  I still get compared to sibilings and I am over 30.  My results were okay at school but I had to work really hard for them - IT WAS A SLOG!!.  At the end of the day you can only do so much and everyone is different.
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    • Posted

      I agree they only want the best. There has to come a time when we let that go and we know we have done our best! Might be different to what we do now, but we have to let that go and like me our parents loved us whatever. God, I could spend my life wishing as probably all of us do that we had done things differently, maybe our parents feel the same! I am going to my Mums funeral Monday and although I did everything I could for her it still hurts. Nothing can be changed now so we have to move forward xx
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  • Posted

    Omg Aubrey that is awful!   They should never exert such pressure on you like that.   If I had your parents in front of me I would shake them until their teeth rattled!   Have you ever sat down with them and discussed how it makes you feel?    Do they listen?

    I think you need to seek help with this - there must be a school counsellor you can talk to so please make an appointment with them.   Or do you have any other relatives who could intervene on your behalf?    Your parents need a good talking to! 

    Please don't give up on your dreams or let this become an issue for you.  You sound very clever and have a great future ahead of you.   Work hard and get to Uni then you can start leading your own life more.   You don't need to and definitely shouldn't be compared to anyone else let alone your brother.  

    DO NOT cut yourself again - promise me!   I just want to give you a big old hug and let you know how special you are.   Bev xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Aubrey, We all make mistakes and most parents, (probably all!), make some mistakes they are not aware of. I hope you will find a subject you enjoy, learn it to the best of your ability, and perhaps make a good career from it later. Very best wishes. Be proud of yourself for trying, whatever the results., that's the main thing.
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  • Posted

    Hi Aubrey

    It sounds to me you are very smart and intelligent and coming 2nd is great there is always someone better and lesser than yourself. Thats life. Try and talk to your parents i am sure they think they are doing the right thing to encourage more but if they accept there is no more then maybe without pressure you could do it. We can achieve anything if we are happy and have self esteem.you are smart and will do well in your life. Be kind to yourself

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  • Posted

    Perspectives can be in 360 degree, while you are seeing things on say 90 degree, your parents may see things on 180 degree. The difference in perspective may involved what they have gone through in their journey of life. Maybe that they have always been the Top 1? Try to see things on their degree and again your own degree. While they may not be able to understand you cause they are not standing on your "Point of View" but i just want you to know that there are differences in POV exist. Ask yourself are you happy that you got second? If yes, then let's celebrate!! Treat yourself for something that will make you feel good. Don't feel pressure to please others too much. And please don't hurt yourself.
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  • Posted

    Never, never never give up please! Do not ever let grades, marks, etc. determine the unique abilities in you. Always go by the effort you put in...so to me you have a first. Consistent hard work, discipline and grit is needed in life to achieve the good and the great. You have shown yourself you are capable of that, but the trick is to keep on keeping on. You need your gifts and the world does too. 

    People and lives develop. Parents are just human, bless them, and are on their own path of growth in life. We cannot expect them to know it all and behave perfectly. They may have more of a fixed mindset at this stage of life eg. they wrongly believe ability and intelligence is innate, and things should come naturally. 

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  • Posted

    When a man work hard it never wastes keep that thing in your mind what ever your parents think you it's not important but one day you will be awarded for your hard work so don't loose your heart and work more harder.
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  • Posted

    When a man work hard it never wastes keep that thing in your mind what ever your parents think you it's not important but one day you will be awarded for your hard work so don't loose your heart and work more harder.
    Report / Delete Reply

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