Wife dealing with erectile dysfunction after prostate cancer treatment

Posted , 9 users are following.

I'm having serious issues dealing with my husbands erectile dysfunction since his radiation and hormone therapy for prostate cancer 2 years ago. he is almost 10 yrs older than me and we had healthy sex life prior to diagnosis and treatment ! after treatment theres a significant size difference and problems obtaining and maintaining erection Even at full capacity penetration doesnt occur but he is able to be satisfied in 2 or less fast minutes Now i hate it and try to avoid it at all costs! i still love him but avoid touching or any kind of affection since he then thinks it's "time" As much as i miss sex terribly i would rather not do it at all and it is causing a major rift in our almost 40 year marriage We are both depressed and irritable I am not good at pretending so he is well aware that i hate it now We are now like roommates What should we do?

0 likes, 12 replies

Report

12 Replies

  • Posted

    I hate to say this but you have to discuss it together, or see a counsellor. If you don't then nothing will change?

    I have prostate cancer and have had a course of 4 months hormone treatment, followed by Proton Therapy.

    Good luck.

    Report Reply
    • Posted

      are you able to get erections or have sex? lupron has killed me as a man. i miss my junk and going at my wife for hours. i really have conteplated suicide if this wont change. this isnt a life for a man no muscle mass anymore or chiseled face.

      Report Reply
  • Posted

    HI you need to tell him how you feel. there are injections or even a implant that i would consider if it comes to that to please my wife. you need to tell him the truth that part of a marriage is sex and intimacy and pleasing one another. the truth is you wont be satisfied and will evetually find sex elswhere it is human nature. tell him to keep your marriage going he has got to do something or it isnt going to make it. what meds is he on? did he have Rp? that is inportant to know. is he on LUPRON i am surprised he can still get any movement with that s**t. when you say two years is he still on AdT THERAPY?

    Report Reply
    • Posted

      Actually the cancer and treatment was in late 2015! i encouraged him to stop the hormone therapy short of the urologist's recommended "standard of care" time frame of 24 months - meaning everyone should be treated the same which infuriated me (and after he (the doctor) referred to it as castration!) i cried for a month and told the doctor how i felt about that reference in no uncertain terms! He received 8 weeks of radiation in addition to the hormone therapy - lupron sometime in higher dosages than we were told he would get! He did 18 months instead of 24 which I researched should be more than effective! PSA tests since ending treatment have been very good!

      i have been very active in trying to help him return to some semblance of his former self and he also did get some pills but was reluctant to take them and they haven't made any difference the few times he tried them. i read that they do not work for men who received hormone therapy. i should mention that after the prostate treatment he had a mild stroke and several seizures which were partially attributed to heavy drinking which I'm sure is due in part to stress and depression. seizure meds probably don't help the erection issue!

      please know i am extremely grateful that he is alive and has recovered greatly from most of the other side affects from the stroke and seizures and i believe have done everything in my power to help him rehabilitate from them! I still feel totally selfish, adding to my depression and less than positive attitude. ive tried to let him know how much i appreciate that he tries, but it is truly awful, awful, sex for me and makes me hate something i used to love more each time! He seems very satisfied with his final 1-2 minutes. should i just try harder to pretend? and obviously, im not very good at hiding my true feelings.

      Also, initially i reached out to some doctor friends for recommendations for good therapists and did a number of therapy sessions, but he would not attend, so i stopped!

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      yes he needs to not be selfish . does he have the desire or I don’t know how your sex life was before but lupron kills the desire too. it is very diffuclt to deal with cuz of the side effects. i find that with less testosterone i am less jealous too it has completely changed me where sometimes i dont know what it feels like to be a man with a libido. my wife is very sexy and 12 yrs younger than me and she deserves better than this. i would be blunt with him and tell him you are not satisfied and you need your husband back, you a woman with needs too. i wish i had better news. lupron stays in system for up to a year or two after stopping it

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      We had great sex when he was younger then good sex b4 prostate treatment it seems now his desire has returned but to satisfy his desire and its perfectly fine if theres absolutely nothing in it for me! i m in good physical shape but am getting desperately more depressed, angry and feeling like an object! i dont want to get a boyfriend but i think about it more often

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Melly,

      Speaking as a 52 yo who had: radical surgery, high dose RT for a short time and moderate dose for 2 mths as well as ADT and now more meds, I can assure you that erectile dysfunction, ED, is often caused regardless of the treatment.

      If more than one treatment is applied then ED will be worse.

      The longer a treatment is applied, the ED will be worse still.

      When treatments stop there is some improvement in erectile function, libido etc. But do not expect miracles.

      So YES, I get you and I get your husband.

      Now: what to do:

      I suggest that your husband ON HIS OWN go see a general practioner/primary case doctor for advice.

      Then he should go ON HIS OWN to a therapist (recommended by someone he trusts).

      Then you BOTH go to the therapist.

      Your husband must understand his situation and his preferred response to the situation. Once he has that crystalised, then both of you attending therapy will make sense.

      Good luck.

      Report Reply
  • Posted

    What a horrible situation for you to have to deal. with. Your husband should know that there are alternative ways of pleasing you that does not involve him needing an erection. Has he never been good at foreplay I wonder? If not then he needs you to show him the ropes. Hope you can win through before it is too late.

    Good luck. Richard

    Report Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Melly,

    I sympathize with both your and your husband's situations. Someone else mentioned injections. You can try googling trimix and read up on it. Perhaps it could help. Good luck

    1

    Report Reply
  • Posted

    Viagra works well for me and I also use a c**k ring which helps me to stay erected longer and my erection extremely firm.

    Report Reply
    • Posted

      i am most appreciative of the replies and suggestions from all of you so far i plan to follow up on several ! I would love to hear from some women point of views?

      Report Reply
    • Posted

      Hiya, after having my prostate removed 3.5 years ago i was really concerned about my wife missing out , sex without penetration just seamed impossible to me, but little did i know. We went through the pumps, c**k rings injections but then we discovered probably the nearest you going to get to and industrial vibrator, sound scary i know but it has revitalised our sex life and my wife is very happy. She has literally 8 - 10 moments of bliss in a session. As for me initially i had no erection for 18 months but over time and with the aid of a pill we are getting there, but early on we discovered you do not actually need an erection to orgasm, so i didn't feel i was missing out. if you wish to know the name of the product , pm me as i do not think im allowed to say it on here, if nothing else its defiantly worth a try.

      Report Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up