Wife has changed personality overnight

Eddie (And Jackie and Lilianna too ) I was just wondering how things are going now? It's been 3 months so hoping things have improved or resolved themselves.

Feel very sorry for all of you guys right now and I read through all your struggles and just really want to hear some happy endies.

Sounds more like Borderline Personality Disorder.

i just suffered the most traumatic breakup of my life. Looking back there were a few red flags throughout my relationship but I was unaware of BPD until my search for closure to stop my heart and mind tearing themselves to pieces. Look up BPD break ups, behaviours and symptoms. It could blow your mind and she'd some light. I was with my girl for a year, we were planning on moving overseas, we had our first argument, well first one where I lost my temper and raised my voice too - she lost hers weekly - and she broke up with me and demanded no contact. 12 weeks later, are her hating me for at least a month, we are ony just talking. I saw her for the first time yesterday and she smiled and ran up to hug me as if nothing had happened. This was after her avoiding me and spreading lies that I was abusive, threatening a restraining order and calli the cops when I raised my voice. Seems I triggered some abusive stepfather memories

Dear Eddie,

I have read your story and you sound like an incredibly strong person thank you for sharing this as it has given me an helpful insight into the problems occuring in my parents relationship.

My mum and dad have always been a romantic and special couple how have stayed strong as a force to be reckoned with my whole life.

My dad adores my mother and she is incredibly loyal as a true one woman man.

My mum has recently lost her mother to cancer and her brother in a tragic accident in quick succession.

Both of whom she was very close too as she has lost all connection to her other  two sisters and saw them as the last link to her past.

I believe that mum now has borderline personality disorder as you have discribed.

She has 4 daughters including myself and we all agree that we do not recognise our own mother. She has become incredibly firey, shorthanded, jealous and ruthless and drinks every day to calm her nerves.

My dad lives with her 24 hours a day in what is fast becoming a toxic lifestyle as dad has depression caused by their financial struggle he drinks a large bottle of gin every day. Mum has lost faith in him and blames most of her dissapointment and struggles on him.

She says terrible things to him like how its all over between them! 'he is turning into his mother' (an extreme recluse) how she would be better off without him, don't tell dad what I am up too, I've lost my brother u wouldn't know how that feels! etc and he takes it all in as she can be very agressive. Then the next day she patches it up as if all the things she has said would be easily forgotten.

Some of the rows I have witnessed get close to the point of physical and they say truely terrible things to eachother (they never usually swear).

They live an incredibly fast paced lifestyle travelling across the country living in eachother pockets and drinking the crutch that keeps them together.

Mum has little time on the phone to talk to us, will barely look you in the eye and has a childish carelessness which is worrying to see.

The last year has been the worst, I have felt incredibly distant from mum as well as worrying tirelessly about the violence and bitterness between them.

They wouldn't even be able to kiss eachother anymore- it is mums unapproachable nature that has pushed dad into a lonely place.

My upmost concern is Dads health his drinking is the worst case many have seen and yet he holds up a totally functional appearance and is in complete denial of his problem.

I wonder if they will find a way to get back to the way things were but i am afraid mums change in personality is hard for dadto deal with and keep up with.

they both need counciling!

but I don't feel very optimistic 

Thankyou Charlie

Eddie, I'm sorry to have to point this out to you but it really sounds like your wife is a sociopath; judging by your description of her behavior and attitude of apathy toward you and your infant son. The constant deception, self-medicating, blatant, unnecessary lies and her apparent need to intrude upon the personal space of total strangers without even knowing if they want her to be hanging on them and touching them (I assume most of them don't like it nor do they welcome her bold physical advances) - are all examples of classic sociopathic behavior. She has no respect for personal boundaries and is driven only by her own desires/needs and is being very clear that she's unconcerned with your feelings. It's not because she's trying to hurt you; she literally cannot see how she is hurting you because your feelings don't exist to her. Her emotional investment in you has only ever been as deep as a puppet master's for be for a prop from an old play that she has moved on from. In fact that's more or less what you are to her. She's grown that  show she was putting on for the past few years, until recently. Now she is bored with that show, and she's setting up a new performance with new puppets. You've been tossed aside, and it sounds as though your child has been, too. I'm awfully sorry.  

What you need to understand is that she's not depressed, she's not crying for help, and she's not hurting inside. She's not mentally ill.  She does not possess a conscience and cannot feel empathy. You can't save or help her. She doesn't want you to anyway.  Your former history together as the perfect couple, as real as it may have felt and looked to you and your friends at the time, was all an act. She never loved you - she isn't capable of really loving anyone (not even herself, despite the fact that she's completely self-involved). This magical connection you had together never existed - it was a lie. I know it's devastating to learn - again, I'm sorry. But this pain is much more palatable than believing that you had true love and somehow screwed it up. The early part of your relationship, when she was all over you and so loving is known as "love bombing", and it's also a very common practice for sociopaths. Do a little research on line - you'll be able to identify more specific behaviors of hers as classic sociopathic stuff (or at the very least it's malignant narcissism) and you'll also soon realize that her lack off interest in your son is actually a godsend. Children of sociopaths are always victimized emotionally and often physically. 

My heart goes out to you - but you need to know what you're dealing with before you appear in divorce court so you can be aptly prepared. I wish you the best of luck. 

OK, so six months on since my original post, and the nightmare gets worse and worse. I still have not got her out of the house and I had to pull out of custody proceedings and getting her drug tested as it was going to cost me over £10k.

In the weeks before Christmas she broke my iPod and work keyboard, tried to break my work computer (which she advertised on FB) and was removed from the house for the night by the police and she smashed in a living room window with a claw hammer when she was obviously high as a kite - as she disappears for three or four days at a time on her 'days off' from our son and couldn't get in the house as I double lock the front door as we live on a busy street. But she didn't call or knock, she just attacked, sending glass all over our boy's Christmas presents.

And there is no remorse, none of these actions resonate. She took our boy away at Christmas and refused to tell me where she was going as she is scared of me and I harrass and bully her. She also claims she has a witness that I attacked her on hammer night - which I of course did not.

I also hear that when she is out she is all over people, touching feely, and is all kissing and cuddling the local drug dealer - who is 56, she is 35 - who before her 'change' was a 'horrible old man'. As part of her regression she is obsessed with music and bands, like she was in her early 20s, and is now dating a 'musician' who plays pub gigs and busks in the high street. I spoke to his ex partner of a month, who informs me he is a big cocaine user and borderline alcoholic, despite being jobless and he lives round other peoples' houses. He also wets the bed because he drinks so much and is not allowed to see his own children. The sad thing is, my 'normal' wife is driven and ambitious and would never give someone like this a second look, let alone let him near our child. But she is like a teenager and this is all about drugs.

There is some light at the end of the tunnel. Since she broke the window, social services have finally got involved and seen straight through her. The social worker said she can tell she is a 'user' just by speaking to her, and she has told her she wants to drug test her and my wife just laughed at her. My wife also rang social services to complain the social worker is bullying her too and, of course, she or her new partner are not doing drugs anymore. Yeah, right!

Social services and the health visitor who I have stayed in touch with want me to ask for my boy to live with me permanently until she can prove she has stopped taking drugs. I have them on my side and they acknowledge what a great dad I am, just have to hope this is finally going to bring a positive conclusion to this nightmare.

Hi Eddie, It sounds very much like your wife is having episodes of Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder. The extreme personality change & the strange/outrageous behavior (Mania) are very common symptoms of this confusing condition. Is there anyone in her family that has something similar as it can be genetic too. Stress can bring this on & also drugs can be the catalyst. Please research this condition & see if you think it sounds like what you are experirncing with her. I live in Australia & was a Nurse for 13 years & have seen this condition-always worsens & can even begin with some major stress/change of some sort. I also have a nephew with this condition that will not see any of his family & it has caused a lot of pain & suffering to him & those that also love him. 

I hope this helps in some way.

Hi eddie, 

Your story touches home for me, My wife did similar stuff. After having our child and living in our marriage for 7 years before she was born, we were the couple everyone admired and wanted their marriages to be like. About 9 months after giving birth. She started to change, her personality changed. She became and now acts as full blown Borderline Personality/Narcissistic traits. She used to be very loving and she hated cheaters, and she never lied. Now every word is a lie, she has cheated and when we separated, she quickly moved on as if she had already had this relationship before she ever left. I have done a lot of research on Postpartum Depression. And if it severe it can cause BPD/NPD traits, it can also cause OCD. I do not know if this helps you, but, if they have or are in a PPD they hate the husband the most and usually first, they have to get mental health help to treat it. It may never go away with out help. My heart goes out to you because it reminds me so much of what ruined my marriage soon after finally having a baby that was planned and discussed. After it seems all morals,values, and anything ethical went out the window. Now I am fighting for custody of my daughter which now being kept from seeing me. In court she is playing the victim, and is trying to manipulate the courts. I hope social services can help you get your son, and keep him safe!

Eddie I'm dealing with a serious overnight situation as well. My wife for four years did a 360 on me. I found cheating and multiple affairs the unfortunate part to this is that we have a 2 and 4 year old. My wife filed for divorce and kicked me out of our home by filing false domestic violence charges against me. Somehow she knew the judge so this judge granted then order. Now I have never touched my wife and she is off her meds since July. I need some advice on how to get through this

Eddie,

      I'm so sorry your having to go through this. I just happened to run across your discussion when I was looking for something completely different, crazy huh!? And I live thousands of miles from you,,as matter of fact I live in the US in Florida. Anyhow how's things going now? My heart is going out to you and everyone else that is having to go though the same nightmare. My husband has been acting differently lately, he's at home but on a daily basis he constatly says how he hates his job and his life. He's went as far as to say he wants to move hundreds of miles away from where we are now and if I wanted to come I could but didn't have to and when I told him that hurt my feelings like I wasn't wanted he told me to not be so sensitive that he was just joking...hmm! 

Hi Eddie! Hope your wife has come to her senses. I have the same exact thing going on wit my wife. I call it the Emotional roller coaster ride. If you dont get on she will make sure you pay for it.