Wife has irregular periods and pain during intercourse

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I am 26 and so is my wife, we have been married for a little under a year and have been sexually active for about 5 years. 

When we first started having sex she loved it and wanted to have it every day. As the years went on she wanted it less and less and now I’m lucky if we have sex once a month... 

In the last year she has told me she doesn’t like having sex because it hurts her. Tonight she couldn’t even last a minute before I had to stop. 

I’m not overly large so I don’t think that’s the problem... she’s also had pretty irregular periods for several years but it’s getting worse. Some months she won’t get anything or she’ll get a bit of spotting and others she’ll get it every 2 weeks... she also has a lymph node in her neck the has been swollen for over a month... 

I’m terrified something is really wrong with her but she’s to scared to get checked sad 

Can anyone help me or tell me what could be wrong so I can try to help persuade her to get checked?? 

Thank you. 

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Painful intercourse  [dyspareunia to give it its correct name] is a very common problem and GPs are used to dealing with the effects.   There are so many possible reasons for it and most of them are not scary at all and can be put right quite easily.

    Are you over obsessing about the problem? She may have got the impression from you that sex is all that matters to you, so she is tensing up and its causing pain. Make sure you have lots of cuddles without sex being the goal. She may then start to relax.   Are you thinking about having children? Would she like to start a family but you dont?  Is it something she would like to discuss but doesnt know how to bring up the subject? That sort of problem can cause an aversion to sex and pain. 


    The swollen lymph node may not be connected to the problem at all but that should certainly be seen by a doctor. Does she suffer with ear problems,throat problems?

    Most women get scared and think the worst when something goes wrong with their bodies,but  when its all sorted out they can get on with their lives once again.  


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    • Posted

      I don’t obsess over it, and we both want to have children in the near future. I never pressure her for sex and always make it about her to make sure she isn’t in pain. 

      I don’t want want her to be in pain or to be sick I just want her to be happy and healthy.

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  • Posted

    So glad you are not putting any pressure on your wife.....you are doing the right things.   Do you use plenty of vaginal lubricant?   Do you use condoms? sometimes women can get sensitive to latex and this can cause pain. Does she have any sort of irritation in her vaginal region that could be possibly an infection causing dryness and pain?   [I am not talking about an STI, just something like Thrush or similar]

    If you are hoping to start a family and nothing happens this may be the trigger for her to go to the doctor.  I am assuming she is not on any oral contraceptive as this is sometimes given to sort out irregular periods.

    As i have said,there are so many reasons why she could be suffering like this,so if lubricant and gentle patience dont help,  a doctors advice is needed. She will feel so much better once she has taken that first step and made an appointment. Go with her to the doctor, if thats what she would prefer,but some ladies like to go alone.

    Does she have a special friend she could talk to, or Mum, sister, etc.   Did her Mum have any problems like this?  That could be useful information for a doctor to know.

    Do hope you get sorted soon.


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  • Posted

    Just thinking.....When is your wife's smear/pap test due? If she experiences pain and difficulty at that procedure she may be referred for an examination under anaesthetic,which is completely normal as lots of women are too tense for a proper test to take place.. That may help her to be diagnosed with whatever is wrong at the moment. 

    Please reassure your wife that at her age the chances of something awful like cancer are very small indeed.

     Are you in UK?

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