Wife hates binge drinking

Posted , 4 users are following.

background, i am 30, married for 7 months.  i started binging socially around 16.  weekend parties with friends, spring break etc.  then college party life.  to me i considered all of this very normal.  go to school, get good grades, party on the weekend or vacation.  now im 30, great job, great salary, great wife, great step son, just moved into a nice big new house etc.  have it all.  i still binge on weekends.  not every weekend, but probably every other.  i dont drink during the week.  but on a saturday i could have 15 beers, on occasion not remember much the next day, and be so hungover i dont move from the couch.  i dont get to the point of vomitting, i dont drive, etc.  i am not abusive, mean, nasty to her while i drink, i am a happy drunk, probably annoying to a sober person but not mean at all.  the next day, i do have a short fuse sometimes with her and our son, just edgy i guess from the hangover, again not abusive, but low patience. 

as far as me as a dad and husband, we both agree i am great.  caring, responsible, loving etc, but she hates that on sundays i am a bum.  sitting all day, sometimes i am fine enough to work around the house, but hardly ever go out on a sunday if i am hungover.  she went to a therapist about other issues for herself and this became the main topic.  her therapist wants me to go to counseling.  i dont.  she doesnt want me to stop drinking, just not go to the point of blacking out or being a bum the next day.  im positive i can do it, i like drinking though, but i know its hurting her so im going to start trying really hard.... but i feel like i almost need to be on eggshells now.  we drank together while we dated, and engaged.  she knew how i reacted the next day for 2 years before marriage.  now she has had enough.  i agree with her for the most part, but my arguement is if we have no plans sunday, who cares what i do, but yes i shouldnt lose patience with her or son.

tips?  its very easy for me to get to the point of say 8 beers where i feel good and am still coherent and functioning the next day, but 8 easily turns into 12-15 for me.   

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  • Posted

    Hi Mike, I'm a 45 year old male who is in a Civil Partnership.

    I became very aware of my drinking once I had a partner. I was binge drinking socially and he began to get upset with me. This was mainly as he felt he wasn't 'with' me when I was drinking like that as I was kind of taking myself to a different place. I have also binged since the age of 16.

    Things got worse for me with more blackouts and having to be reminded the next day of the silly (never angry) things I'd done whilst drunk.

    I managed to control my behaviour while out and about but only by promising myself I could have more booze when I got home. This resulted often in me staying up late in my own continuing to drink.

    I then began drinking on nights I wasn't going out and now drink between one and two bottles of wine every single night.

    Now I know you're saying, oh that's not me, I could never get to that stage but guess what I always said that too. The problem is it happens very slowly so you don't even realise you've progressed. Now I hear about people who have a drink first thing in the morning and I think oh that could never be me. But do you know what I have to admit that maybe it could be in ten years time.

    I would advise addressing the issue now and let me be your 'peek into the future'. Obviously there's no guarantee you'll get worse but you're already putting the importance of 'liking a drink' before people you love albeit only once a fortnight so far.

    So yes, try the stopping a few thing but if you constantly find you can't then it may be time to think about addressing it.

    Obviously all only my opinion!

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    • Posted

      You should BOTH consider Nalmefene (Selincro) to control your drinking. Google it if you haven't heard of it or have a look around this forum if you haven't already and you will see it discussed at length.
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    • Posted

      I already am Paul following your previous advice elsewhere on the forum. Thankfully my doctor who knew nothing about Selincro was happy to research. He has now made me an appointment with the in house alcohol help services in order to meet the NICE guidelines. Then he is going to prescribe Selincro. Very pleasantly surprised by his attitude toward it to be honest.
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies. I'll look at the medicine. I like drinking and she doesn't mind it as long as I don't get to the point where I am useless the next day and our son sees me being a bum due to alcohol. I can go have 3 or 4 beers at a party but my problem is I dont. I don't usually have one beer. When I drink I drink a lot. Maybe twice per month I drink but it's a lot.
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