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Will another bombshell be dropped?

Posted , 3 users are following.

moleym
moleym

I had a bombshell dropped on me on Christmas Day.

My wife told me that she did not want to see me anymore. We had been living apart for about 18 months. On Boxing Day she invited me round to collect my Christmas belonging. She returned her house key to our family home and then took the key that I held to her home off of me. I am her carer.

A few days later she called to say that that her laptop was on the blink. I agreed to call round to have a look at it. During the visit my wife said that she had told me that she did not want to see me as "just as jolt". She felt that I was overly involving her in my affairs and that it had caused her a lot of stress. What puzzled me was that in an earlier conversation she told me that she has already told her sisters that we were now having a " clean break"

We see each other now on an irregular basis. I am due to call round to her house this afternoon. I am feeling very apprehensive about the visit because I fear that another bombshell be dropped.

I am doing my best to place myself in a position where decisions that are made by my wife I am less affected by. I feel a sense of her being able to contol and manipulate me. I love her very much but feel that dealings with her have become very unsettling.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • gill21655
    gill21655 moleym

    Posted

    Thats a difficult one as i dont know the full history, It all depends if YOU want to be involved in her life any longer .

    I would be up front with her lay your cards on the table .. Tell her it is affecting your health with the uncertainty of not really knowing where you stand.

    Ask her to have a good think over the next two weeks and if she cannot make a solid descision and stick to it which ever way she choses. You will make the descision as the uncertainty is not healthy for either of you.

    Good luck

    I wish you well for what you want 

    • moleym
      moleym gill21655

      Posted

      Hi Jill thanks for your message. The uncertainty is really affecting my health. I have over the last 24 hours really suffered. Whilst my wife has her own mental health issues I do feel that it some way I am being punished for perceived failings as a husband. When I first met my wife I had a very good job and prospects. My wife was living on benefits and had poor physical and mental health (10 Years ago). I thought that I could be a knight in shining armour and transform her life. I feel a deep sense of guilt and failure as I have not been able to do this. Over the time that I have known my wife, my circumstances have gone down hill.  Rather than make her life better the relationship has ripped me apart. I in one respect wish that I had never met her, yet she has become the women I love. I in my heart of heart want her to love me as she did when we first met.
  • jessicaNicks
    jessicaNicks moleym

    Posted

    I have serious issues with your wife waiting until Christmas day to finally end it with you after a difficult period. That seems rather manipulative. Hope you don't mind me saying that. 

    I say start building up your own life without her. Steady employment, your own social circle, hobbies, maybe sign up to an exercise class once a week.. anything to prove that you are your own person without being dependent on somebody else's stability. 

    If it's meant to be your lives will once again fit together whilst still maintaining some independence. If she drops another bomb shell, you'll still have your social life, your hobbies and your job, which ensures at least some stability. 

    I hope things get easier! 

    • moleym
      moleym jessicaNicks

      Posted

      I think that saying that she did not want to see me on Christmas Day was terrible. I have been deeply upset by it. I do feel that I have been manipulated on this and other occasions. I see myself as being a decent man who has made some mistakes with my relationship with my wife. I am trying to build up a self employed business and regain some self esteem. When I first met my wife I worked in a top profession. Due to stress and anxiety and had to leave that line of work. My wife does have mental health issues but I feel that I have been punished.
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