Will I be happy again?
Posted , 8 users are following.
Almost 3 months ago I had quite a traumatic life event (my husband admitted one-night stand with his co-worker after lots and lots of alcohol) and it devastated me...He is totally regretful, tries to regain my trust, he's loving, he's transparent and he doesn't give me the reason to be suspicious. For him it was a mistake, driven by alcohol and some hard stuff we had in life back then (stress at job and dying brother)...For me it is not that easy...I know I need time to process this because it broke everything I thought about our bond and it highly affected my self-esteem. So for almost 6 weeks (tomorrow) I am taking citalopram 20mg but I am still sooooo unhappy! I do counselling, I run (although not often as I already lost 4kg due to the stress) and try to live normally. I go to work, meet friends (although not very willingly), I take care of children, I take care of myself, family and house... But I lost my joy, my sense of humour, my smile, my inner warmth...:( I walk but I feel so saad and so...closed(?)inside. Relationships with other people used to give me a lot of satisfaction, I was very open, I have many friends, I liked to invite people to our house, do things together, take friends' children for play...Now I isolate myself, soaked in grief...
Will citalopram help me at least start to feel my old me quite soon? I know I have to come to terms with my marriage issues and "mourn"what I lost. But I am in this terrible state when smiling is hard. At work of course I pretend to be "old me", but I am not... Will the drug work for me or it is only for clinical depression, not the reactive one?
0 likes, 42 replies
Outofthebox
Posted
What is "funny" though is that having trouble to make presentations publicly in the past (I was doing that but I was stressed) - now I can do that without ANY feeling...Today and yesterday I was presenting and no stress. It may feel a good side but doesn't citalopram cut me off from all the feelings? I don't want to be a zombie. I want to taste life again, I was so positive, so happy...
toria_07298 Outofthebox
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it took my feelings away but its different for everyone x
Outofthebox toria_07298
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so did you stop taking citalopram?
toria_07298 Outofthebox
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im withdrawing and getting my emotions back x
lois95799 Outofthebox
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your traumatic event is still affecting you somewhat you may think other wise .but if it where me i would stick with the celexa is still very early for you.these meds take many months to work.best regards
barb67030 Outofthebox
Posted
Have you tried seeing a therapist? That may be very helpful also. Sounds like you may have more of an acute depression.
Outofthebox barb67030
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yes, I am seeing a therapist. Next meeting is tomorrow
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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I've been through something pretty similar myself and do believe you can forgive but never forget. it took me a lot longer to get over it but everyone is different. even though I struggled for a long time once the trust starts to come back it gets a lot easier. by no means am I saying what happened was right and it's obviously devastating for you. but it sounds like he is trying to put it right and regrets his mistake. he obviously still loves you if hes trying to be transparent,loving and trying to regain your trust, it's a lot easier for people to walk away when they make a mistake but hes trying to fix it. like I said I'm not condoning it at all but hopefully his extra effort will bring you both closer maybe.
the citalopram probably will help for reactive depression. it should just make everything less raw and help you process it better.
you will feel better it just takes time x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
Yes, my husband is really regretful, he supports me now with healing, he tries to make it work. What bothers me now more is my state - my self-worth, my feelings...
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
And how long this processing last? I don't want to be trapped in this state for months..:(
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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sorry it took so long to reply x
atleast you know hes trying and making sure you know how he regrets it so I think now it's time to concentrate on you and how you feel.
try not to worry it will happen again or your mood will effect your husband because you need to look after yourself now and it would have been a lot easier for him not to try and he obviously loves you.
it did take a long time for me but that was because my partner ended up getting pregnant after cheating so I had that to deal with too so it took a while.
don't let that worry you though because in time you will start to feel slightly better each day it will be a rollercoaster but I promise it gets easier.
plus with the citalopram too you will recover
short term make sure you are gentle and kind to yourself
eat well
drink lots of water
have a relaxing bath when it's tough
as difficult as it is try and do things you enjoy x
try not to worry too much about how long it will take to feel better because you won't feel like this forever x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
thanks for the reply. I try to take care of myself, you wouldnt believe how insane amount of money I spent on things to console me;) I try to remember this state is temporary, that is what keeps me hanging. But after that event of yours did you finally come back to old you? That is what I am afraid of - that this event will change me and I will not be this happy me...
Potatoghost Outofthebox
Posted
oh yeah definitely went back to the old me! once I had accepted it in my head and decided what and how I was going to deal with it I did get better. it would occasionally pop in my head and I was able to push it out and carry on.
it didn't change me as a person at all and I was my normal self when it had all settled.
we aren't together anymore because she done it again a few years later but the difference is your husband sounds very sorry and sounds like he really wants to atone for what he did and the fact he is trying says it all.
my partner didn't care the second time she did it and showed no remorse whatsoever. thats when I decided nope.......not going through that again.
I am in a new relationship now and I thought I would be jealous or paranoid and not trust anyone again but that really isn't the case so that shows me that it is something you can definitely get past x
Potatoghost
Posted
I promise you x it doesn't feel like it now but you will go back to your normal self
time is a great healer x it will get easier
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
I still feel this tension inside of me and cannot be "normal", even joking with people is..hmm..artificial. How long did you feel low after that? I am starting to think after 3 months I should be already recovering...
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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everyone is different but I would say a couple of months longer than where you are at now x just remember the citalopram will make you feel worse before you feel better so a little bit longer on that too and you should start picking up again x
I know that artificial feeling pretty well don't panic that will get better in time too x it is a long process and that can be disheartening for sure but be gentle with yourself and it will get better x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
Thank you. You don't even know how helpful it is to have support from somebody who were "there". I hope it will all settle with time. Have a great day!
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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if theirs anything you need don't be afraid to ask I'm happy to help in whatever way I can x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
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Hi, one more question:) After this event did you feel depressed? How did you feel? Because I have never been in such a state and I don't know how to handle that. And after what time citalopram helped you? I finished 6 weeks of 20mg yesterday.
lois95799 Outofthebox
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make a decision at 12weeks with your doctor.it took me 34 weeks to feel well.
toria_07298 Outofthebox
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did you go on it for anxiety or the traumatic event?
Outofthebox toria_07298
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traumatic event that trigerred anxiety
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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I felt like my head was gonna collapse to be honest. it was horrible to be honest .
I would say I was starting to feel a difference at about 6 weeks.
this time round I'm on 40mg week 12 and I'm not getting on too well x it honestly will work with time x
what you are going through it is to be expected sweet. x it will get easier in time x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
Potatoghost, did your self-esteem dropped after that? Because I feel so insecure and confused now, I am not my usual happy and self-confident me...I hope I will get over that...
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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oh yeah definitely dropped but that's not surprising after what you're going through. in time it will definitely come back trust me x
if anything you will come back a lot lot stronger because of what you are going through
dont worry everything you are going through is completely normal, extremely difficult but its be expected considering whats happened x
you will bounce back x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
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Thank you so much!:)) I really need to hear that to know there will be end of this state
Potatoghost Outofthebox
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I'm just being honest from experience so you dont need to thank me lovely x
in the meantime try and keep as busy as you can and go easy on yourself.
what you are going through is going to take its toll not just mentally but physically too. x as much as you probably dont want too x keep doing things you enjoy it will help keep you occupied x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
oh it did take a toll on my body already. I lost 8 pounds and I am to skinny now (121 lb) and my complexion got worse...But honestly I would prefer to have legs broken than being in this mental state I am now...
Potatoghost Outofthebox
Posted
you're not alone I'm struggling myself too so I know exactly how you feel right now.so we can chat as long as you like and ask whatever is on your mind
try to eat little and often and make sure you drink plenty of water x go for a walk atleast once a day or every other day if you can.
remember aswell you are still on early days of citalopram and they can make you feel worse before better so that's obviously contributing too x
toria_07298 Outofthebox
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same im 112lbs well could be less now as last time i checked was months ago x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
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I am waiting for the citalopram kick as 6 weeks already passed. And I function already, I work, I even gave 2 presentations last week (till now I dont know how I managed:), I run every other day...But deep down I feel broken, not my old me...After the event of yours did you regqin also your self confidence? I miss...me:(
Talking to you helps so much!!!:)
Outofthebox toria_07298
Posted
that is really not much:( I hope you will get better Toria. Basing on my experience try to force yourself to eating and if it doesnt work - buy yourself Nutridrink in pharmacy. it is a coctail that provides you with 300kcal at once.
Potatoghost Outofthebox
Posted
6 weeks is still pretty early days tbh zits good that you function too.
so it's just a case of waiting for your mood to lift and it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do after what happened to you. it will go back to normal
it's just what has happened to you is obviously pretty horrific! so it will take a little longer x it will definitely pass it's just a case of riding it out. and so far you are doing brilliant! you might notice a slow gradual change or you might wake up one day and think, wow I haven't felt down or lost in a while x
toria_07298 Outofthebox
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thats the thing i eat 4 times a day but can only tolerate certain foods x
Outofthebox Potatoghost
Posted
Hi Potatoghost, how are you? I am on vacations in Italy (arrived yesterday) and although its beautiful - everything is stained by that event and I am waiting for my natural inner joy to come back...I used to be smiling all the time three months back...
Potatoghost Outofthebox
Posted
when you are feeling as low as you obviously are going away somewhere new can be quite difficult.
certain things may feel or look different to you and give you feelings of sadness rather than joy, that's because of how you are feeling inside. it will pass shortly over the next day or so once you get used to your surroundings. have you gone away with your husband? x
see this as an important time to reconnect and do things together you wouldn't normally do. if you see something you wouldn't do. think hell to it! let's do it!
see it as a fresh opportunity to reconnect enjoy each other and do something exciting that will make you feel good. you are somewhere new where no one knows your business, life or who you. try your best to enjoy what you can x it will get a bit easier over the next few days I promise.