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Will I ever be me again?

Posted , 4 users are following.

matt18802
matt18802

so in Jan of this year i was hit with my first episode of intrusive thoughts. These thoughts were with me from the moment i woke up to the moment i went to sleep, they would torture me throughout the day. on feb i got onto sertraline 50mg. fast forward to now and 1 week of 100mg im doing a little bit better, i actually want to speak to my friends rather than cowering away just arguing with myself in my own head. Im just frightened that im never fully going to be me again and i need to accept this is the new normal now.

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Kay12321
    Kay12321 matt18802

    Posted

    Matt, please try to remember that nothing lasts forever! The good and the bad, this will pass. Like you said, its helping you a little and its good you have recognised that! It really is baby steps! Hold in there!!

  • GodsServant
    GodsServant matt18802

    Edited

    Hi Matt, you are indeed getting better! Why do I say that? Because I thought the same thing when I started to get better. Will I ever be normal like before, like before I had the OCD thought? Can I ever go through a day without an OCD thought?

    I felt like a zombie for awhile. This is the transition period when you start to get better, at least for me. Then as I started to get better, I still felt remnants of OCD thoughts, and I was afraid of ever returning to that stage of being consumed by OCD 24/7, but then somehow, bit by bit, slowly, the thoughts fade away such that my symptoms are completely at bay now.

    So yes! You WILL return to yourself again. Take it one day at a time.

    But after you get well, you face other pitfalls, too. Like forgetting to take your meds, like wanting to quit your meds, like going cold turkey.

    Oh, actually, you will actually become a better yourself, a much better person because now having gone through so much, you are much more empathetic to all other people with bad days, like not moving in traffic when the light turns green right away because you know their minds could be elsewhere so you gently nudge the horn to remind them. This illness made me a much better person and helps me to appreciate just a regular nothing special day even though it IS special to me - why? - because I am OCD-free and I get to be free from my horrible thoughts. Take care.

    • matt18802
      matt18802 GodsServant

      Posted

      You always manage to cheer me up and keep me striving forward. I can't thank you enough

    • GodsServant
      GodsServant matt18802

      Edited

      Matt and Bulldozer, no need to thank me. I really never thought this illness could be of any good use to me or anyone - this illness was horrible when I was in the throes of it that if I were an artist I would paint my own hands ripping my head apart and digging in to my head to rip out my brain in an attempt to get rid of those OCD thoughts. It truly is a miracle that I am alive today. This board helped me during my last attack and after I got out of that one, I made a promise to God to use all that I've experienced and learned with this illness to help others like me. I've lived with this illness practically all my life, and it always amazes how I've recovered, each time returning to my normal self.

      It's what I owe God for living my bonus years now. You know how a cat has 9 lives. With this illness I've felt that I've used up on mine and then some. So this illness will make you stronger and after you get out of it, but you have to learn how to prevent another big attack. That's the hard part but it is doable. The thing about OCD is that once you fall into that vicious thought cycle, it's hard to break the thought cycle and get out of it. Take care and always be kind to others.

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