Will I Ever Feel Happy Again?

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Hi I'm new and I guess I'm here looking for support, it's kind of hard when your going thru depression and anxiety and people don't know what your going thru.

I was pretty much a time bomb waiting to go off at any moment . I hope this is not too long for you guys but I just need the support.

Before I continue I want to let you know that all the things I went thru were all put in the back burner.

I was sexually molested at the age of 6 by my uncle till I was 8. Never told anyone till I was married, I told my mom.....I married at a very early age and my husband died....married for 2nd time and he got lost at sea with my only brother ...we never found anything..no boat no bodies....I had to be there for my mom and raise my 1 yr old my 3 yr old and my newborn nephew from my brothers girlfriend...she gave him to my mom and I. Today he is 24 he knows he is my nephew but he calls me mom.

All this time I never went for therapy I kept it all inside.....I had a 4 yr old little boy (neighbor) killed in front of me dying in my arms....10 yrs later I remarried...had twins...husband gets diagnosed with cancer....lasts only 3 months...my twins were 11 yrs old..my daughter grieved but my son did not...he has gone thru so much mental problems since then and angry at the world.

By the age of 40 i had lost 3 husband's . In January my uncle that abused me dies...I never told my dad...I just could not...I had to be there for my dad and support him..he was his only brother...I adore my dad.

Lost my job because of depression..Lost my home.

I think that's when I started loosing it...iv been depressed for many yrs but never got help..... I had a melt down 2 weeks ago and I was admitted for 3 days and given Citalopram 20mgs...I feel like I will never be happy or ever gain the life I once had....I want to feel happiness....at night my mind races thinking bad thoughts...Please someone tell me there is hope for me with this med....I'm also starting with therapy on Monday. Sorry this was so long....

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Bless you. You really have endured so much and my heart goes out to you. You will get better but you need to give the citalopram time to work its magic. It can seem a slow process but stick with it. 100% you will get better. I am glad you are going to have therapy as that will help you come to terms with all the trauma you have had to deal with. Any side effects you get from citalopram will taper off in a couple of weeks. Get yourself some omega 3 extra strength as it's very good for the brain.

    Hugs and blessings to you

    Lorraine xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much Lorraine...I don't know how I'm still here but there must be a reason I guess. I just hope the citalopram starts working fast...I have no enjoyment in life..no drive for anything. I feel like an old piece of furniture that you just throw in a corner...I can't sleep at night either. But I will keep taking it and hope for the best.

      Again thank you and I hope you are ok.

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  • Posted

    Hi I am so sorry you have been through so so much, you must be a very strong person to get this far without any help, so try and remember that every day, I know that's very difficult to do as I find it very hard to keep going most day, I am just 5 weeks on 20 mg have had ups but I am having a very dwn day today just feel completely lost and no where near the person I was only 2 months ago, I am going to go back to my gp Monday he wil probably suggest 30mg which I am nervous about as I had awful side effects when starting but at this stage I think I will take the risk, as I was on cit for almost 6 years and it took a whole for them to start working but they did eventually . My mistake was ever coming off them, hang in there that is all I am doing at the minute and hopefully we will feel the benefits very sn xx
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  • Posted

    You will feel happy again, but citalprom takes time, in a few months u will wonder how things will have changed for you dear, used to feel the same now l wake up happy everyday, one day at a time dear, need to chat send a private message, to me wish u the best.
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    • Posted

      Your words help Richard...I just can't wait for that day. How long before you felt better Richard? I'm going to start taking the pill at night I think it will be better for me, I start therapy tomorrow so I'm hoping that will help some how. I'm new on here so I don't know how to send private messages yet but I'm going to check it out now.

      Thank you so much and I'm glad that it worked out so good for you, I'm hopeful that I will feel the way you do real soon.

      Take care and again thank you

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  • Posted

    Hi intelbrat

    I am sorry to read you have been through so much,it is early days yet when the doctors have found the right dosage for you,believe me you will feel much better.

    Hang in there.

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  • Posted

    Hi Intelbrat

    you have had so much to deal with and so much loss in your life no wonder you are feeling anxious and depressed. Not many could have endured what you have unscathed.

    Firstly let me say that you are a strong and very worthy person and so pleased you are going for therapy that's what you really need right now.

    You also need to chat with us on a regular basis so that you can gradually build your strength and self esteem back up. 

    Citalopram takes months to work and even then a setback can happen in times of stress.i have been on these Meds for the second time now for 

    over twelve months now and doing really well. However there were times when I thought that I'd never be better. 

    You are on the road to recovery now so small steps.

    sending you a big hug you need it ! Take care and keep in touch.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your words..being stuck in a room doesn't help..my car broke and waking up to the same thing every day is making me worst. I just can't wait for this situation to change...I feel like the pills are starting to work a little..I just need to get out of this hole.
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  • Posted

    Hi Intelbrat

    do hope your therapy is helping and the drugs starting to help you. Trust it is a long slow process! Just thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts and wishes.Big hug hope you are improving xx

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