Will I ever get better

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Hi all

I've done 4 months on 20mg of cit and 5 weeks on 30mg and feel stuck I was hoping to be feeling better by now anxiety a bit better but mood sill very low having a problem with intrusive/negative thoughts not enjoying nothing at all been doing all the right things exercise eating better Cbt

IM STUCK

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17 Replies

  • Posted

    Don I think once the anxiety is fully under control the depression will lift. This was my experience and so try to give it a few more weeks for the 30 mg to kick in.

    youve come so far and definitely made progress.Dont give up now.xx

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    • Posted

      Great advice, a slightly higher dose also helped me and then after a while I got headaches so now I'm lowering it gradually.
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    • Posted

      Thanks again felis 😃

      I need to stop thinking how long I've been on these meds and just let them do their job but it's hard 😄

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  • Posted

    Dear Don45258,

    I am so sorry to hear this.  I can only speak from past experiences as I do not know you.  I felt very ill when I was teaching English abroad, I had great friends but getting to all my lessons was stressful.  I started on 20g I still had panic attacks so my GP out me on 40g felt a lot better only then had strange headaches so now I'm on 20g.  

    A strange of scene can really help I was abroad got a lot out of it but was too stressful so I came home and now I feel better.  I still have panic attacks but as long as I don't drink alchohol, get too tired or have to be somewhere on time I am ok.

    What are your triggers? Do you have panic attacks? 

    You may not feel like going somewhere new or going anywhere but a change of scenery really helps me.  Sometimes I feel trapped so I go somewhere new and feel much better.  Writing a book about all my expereriences also helped me to evaluate everything and to try and avoid triggers such as bright lights.

    Is there anything you can do for escapism? I go to the cinema if I feel anxious and just forget  about it all for a while.  Can you sleep? Sleep is magic it helps put everything in perspective.    Sometimes I feel awful if I have to do something like apply for a job or a job intervies.

    Depression is a untangible disease sometimes you can feel terrible for no apparent reason but it never lasts.  You will get better.  You just have to keep telling yourself that it's a phase and that it won't last.  

    Are there ways you can channel your depression for example art?

    Cooking delicious food and trying out different recipes also help me.  

    You are not alone.  I hope to hear from you soon.  

     

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    • Posted

      I meant a change of scene, forgive me for the typos.  

      Time definitely helps .  I was orginally on a low dose which didn't work then I went on a higher dose and gradually felt better.  I know it's frustrating and you feel horrendous maybe even for no apparent reason but you will get through it.  I hope you don't feel guilty or bad for feeling horendous it's just one of those things, it happens to the best of us. We've all got issues just some are better at hiding it.  

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    • Posted

      Thanks for reply

      It's my thoughts that trigger it but I don't seem to be able to slow them down some times I don't have panic attacks just anxiety low mood and racing thoughts 😃

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    • Posted

      That's a hard question I've been on meds for about 16 years was doing well on cit for years 20mg then about 2 1/2 years ago things got bad I had a few problems in my life aswell doc said they mite have stopped working and I tried about 5 deferent meds with no joy then back to cit
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    • Posted

      Didn't answer your question propley

      I tried with no meds and felt worse I'm like I'm stuck and don't know what to do next

      Thanks for reply

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    • Posted

      You likely felt worse on no meds because you experienced withdrawal from coming off too quickly.  Doctors don't know how to get us off these meds properly, only on.  When we come off too fast and experience worse anxiety and depression, doctors say we've relapsed and need to go on them again.  We believe it as well because the anxiety and depression are like the original complaint that we went on for, only worse.  

      It sounds like you have developed treatment resistant depression which is actually caused by chronic AD use.  You've been on them a long time, like me.  I learned the hard way.

      When our nervous system has been operating on ADs for 20 years, it takes a LONG TIME for it to adapt back  to life without the drug, and that requires tapering off much more slowly than any doctor will have you do.  The good news is, in doing so you are likely to feel BETTER as the dosage drops and your nervous system gradually adapts back.

      I believe I've given you links before to a support resource.  You might want to consider this again. I know it may seem scary to contemplate life going off the meds since you've already had a bad time trying before.  A properly slow taper is so gentle on the system that if done properly you won't even notice withdrawal and will be able to go on with life as you taper.  The only thing you may notice is that you feel better!

      You might want to go to the support forum I mentioned and look around there.  True, you will see people there that are in the throes of withdrawal, usually because they came to the forum already having tapered too fast or done cold turkey quits.  The ones who have reinstated and gotten stable and then are in progress with the 10% taper are usually doing fine!  People get into trouble when they try to hurry the process.  After 20 years on, you can't just get it over with quickly because you want it to be so.  

      It seems your doctor has already thrown everything at you Rx-wise and nothing has helped.  Your nervous system has been sensitized by all the meds and really the best solution for you is to come off of them, but that is your choice and I understand your trepidation.

      All I can say is that after 20 years on ADs, the last 12 on Effexor but never feeling like I was doing well, I came off too fast, had 10 months of hell, went back on and am now tapering, and I feel better now than I have in years.  I am on a subtherapeutic dose of two ADs and feel better than when I was on or above the therapeutic level.

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  • Posted

    Hi I have been on Cit 20mg for 6 wks & have gradually been improving although I have had the occasional blips not understanding why. It seems to centre around any when I have any arrangements like going away or anything new to do. It's my Birthday today & my husband has arranged a lovely meal & a over night stay & I was looking forward to it woke up this morning & have gone backwards massive anxiety attack & not wanting to to go !! I have always been a out going person so totally out of character. I just like you I hope this will get better . So you are not alone & I find the forum very helpful makes you feel there is light at the end of the tunnel with some very kind people who are going through the same horrors. So chin up x
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  • Posted

    Hi Don,

    You are at about the same time scale as me. I started on 20mg and after 2 weeks went to 40mg. The anxiety seems ok, the low mood is shifting. Overall I'm a lot better but not 100%.

    Perhaps you should see about going up to 40mg, I was very reluctant but was so ill that now I'm glad I did.

    This battle is exhausting, stay strong and stick with it. X

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  • Posted

    Hi Don, maybe go see the GP perhaps teh dosage is too low ?? possibly an increase may suit you better I'm only saying this as your compliant is common with folks going on Citalopram until they get the mix right it can take a long time. Keep at it my friend you will feel better soon keep the faith wink
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