Will it be worth it?

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Hi everyone. Sorry, this could be a long one...I have recently been prescribed Fluoxetine (20mg); after several years of resisting drug treatment and 'managing' my moods myself, I relaised my life was being adversely affected to such an extent that I could no longer avoid at least trying medication. Now I not only feel as though I have let myself down, but I am worried about being catergorised or taken less seriously by others. So far I've only told my boyfriend- and that was a struggle.

It seems like all of you have come to terms with your illness, but the truth is I don't feel 'ill', I feel as though my view of the world is somehow true- that everything IS pointless (for dire want of better words) and that these pills will only distort reality further. I am worried about losing my individual perspective and becoming engulfed by a world I don't trust; that my emoitons will be dulled and I'll be 'normalised'. Does anyone else have these concerns? It's not my irrational outbursts of rage that I hate most about the way I feel, but the total numbness and 'can't be bothered' attitude I sink into. Have you felt as though you are more numb than you would be without the drugs? I think that would be my idea of hell...

I have only just started, and feel as though it's not too late to back out. (So far the only side effect I've experienced is indigestion- not very nice, but maybe becuase I took it late at night. Has anyone else had this, or know a way to avoid it?) You all seem very nice and genuine, but I find it hard to accept that I 'belong' anywhere lately and I'm not sure ADs are for me.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Anne

    Sounds like you've done well to manage thus far on your own without medication - I only lasted a few months of going to my GP, him offering medication and me saying I didn't want it. But after a while I thought that was kind of pointless - wanting help but not accepting the help on offer, so I thought I would give it a go.

    I worried about being on ADs and not being in control of what I was feeling - but then some of the things I was feeling weren't very helpful. I haven't noticed feeling less like me on ADs, but then I've been on a few different ones so maybe they just don't work that well on me. Generally, though, the advice I've been given is that ADs can help to lift your mood a little to the point where psychological intervention can help - if you are too low it's very difficult to make any changes that might help. Have you been referred to a psychologist? There tends to be a waiting list so prob better asking to be referred sooner rather than later.

    As for acceptance - well, I continue to struggle with that, and this is after a year of being on ADs, seeing various professionals regularly and a month in hospital. That's probably not very encouraging, I'm afraid, but I have been very impressed by, and very grateful for, the treatment I have had.

    Take care.

  • Posted

    Anne, I have been putting off the whole medication idea too. Like you, I was worried about how it might take control of my perception of things. It took a while (and some good friends) for me to be rational about the choices in front of me - stay the same (potentially get worse) or try something else (medication). I know Fluoxitine is a drug to be taken seriously, but at the end of the day, if it helps then its got to be better than doing nothing I'd say. I've only been on it for three days so I can't really coment on its effectiveness. I 'gave in' and also agreed to counselling - which I haven't started yet, but I really think the drugs and the counselling together can only be a good thing.

    PS I take mine in the morning after breakfast without any side efects re digestion.

  • Posted

    Hi Anne.You have come to the right place.You will get alot of your questions answered by reading some of the posts of last month(MARCH).I too felt just like you.I denied the fact I was \"DEPRESSED\".I felt I was giving in.I have been taking them for few months now and although I feel less stressed I am still waiting to feel better.I was taking them for 4 years before and have to say that I never felt better.I myself,just felt like myself again.It let me see the illness from the other side for a change.When you take them you will not notice straight away and my advice to you would be...FORGET you are taking them.Do not look out for the negative side effects or the highs.Your body will adjust to Flu in its own time Im sure.Until such time relax about it and I think you will be pleased you took the step to getting help.You sound like a determined lady.Stick with it.It wont do any harm trying.Take care of you.xx :wink:
  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies and supportive comments. I've read over many of the posts on this forum and it has helped me immensely. However, after last night, I am seriously considering stopping this treatment.

    It was awful. I felt similar to how I felt in the past when I took class A drugs like MDMA (not something I do anymore, obviously). My eyes were wide, and my perceptions altered. At first it was ok, but then around midnight I had a panic attack- something which, has NEVER happened to me before.

    This morning I feel as though I've got a 'come down'. Outwardly I appear normal (ish) but my head is foggy and I keep twitching. I appreciate that most people have not taken illegal drugs like e in the past, so might not have felt any similarities, but has anyone heard of this effect before? I don't want to give up so early- but I'm worried that I'm having a strong reaction. Is this normal?

  • Posted

    hiya Anne :cheerup:

    as your anxious about the meds and taken E in the past it could be you have had some sort of 'flash back' thereby precipitating a panic attack (i played in rock bands in the 60s and 70s and have sampled most of the chemists wares in the distant past :wink: ) anhooooooos its blatantly obvious that you need some sort of meds to help you regain 'control' over who you are, first off, you sound 'dissociated', because of last nights experience call your doc today and discuss whether fluoxetine is for you, be honest about any previous/current drug use, legal or otherwise and your fears on medication use :D

    as fluoxetine is a drug thats associated with increasing motivation, amongst other uses, its usually prescribed to be taken on a morning because of this, its USUALLY not a good idea to take it at night before bed (dont quote me lol :wink: ) it can 'kickstart' the brain leading to racing thoughts at times :shock:

    you seem to be in a 'catch 22' situation at the moment Anne, on the one hand you dont like who you have become and want to change, but on the other hand you dont want to take any meds to help you 'find' yourself again because of the fear of entering a place that is an unknown quantity to you, your in a no win situation :cry: trust me, there is nothing to fear, the experience may be strange and possibly weird, but thats all, your not gonna turn into some sort of zomby or whatever, but given how long you have been afflicted by this nasty illness and the feeings of emptiness and numbness you describe, by taking NO action you risk eventually ending up in a place that IS frightening, again trust me, ive been there more than once, you wont like it i assure you :?

    as far as i'm concerned you know deep down you have made the right choice in recognising you are ill and to seek help, theres no shame in being ill is there ?? ring the docs TODAY, were not in the dark ages any more, theres loads of help out there for us and the meds really DO work these days :cheers:

    sorry if i sound condescending but i dont mean to, its not gonna be easy but you will get there in the end i assure you, good luck and let us know how you get on Anne :cheerup:

    p.s. fact :- a panic attack NEVER actually killed anybody :wink:


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