will life ever get any better. sorry for this long ass essay, but please read it is very serious.

Posted , 7 users are following.

someone please help me, im just a teen and in need of help with my thoughts and decisions. sometimes i feel like im going crazy thoughts of murdering but no no i am afraid of the devil very religious i just have thoughts. well the problem is, is my step dad. ok first of all it was a my bday and he sent me a really heart warming post on fb but then today he became a b***h. but before that hearts warming post he has been a b***h. i remember elementary and middle i would get hit almost every morning getting yelled at everyday, but ever since i went to 6th i started cutting myself. 7th became more worse that when i actually felt depression rising up i wouldnt talk to anyone wouldnt hang out, always looking at the ground never making eye contact, i wasnt myself i am very social and very clingy. those 2 years he would always hit me, but ever since this librarian saw me not feeling well she asked me are you okay and obviously when everyone asks that 99.9 of people would just start crying. and i was one of those. but the reason why was bc in the morning he pinches my ass very tiny pinches but really hard that the skin sheds and you have what is known a bruise, i remembered i use to have a lot of those. but anyways she called her friend people who take children bc of bitchy ass parents but im my case she saw how i was and had many cases like them. she realized right away that i was the one at fault and how disrespectful i was when she was talking to me, my legs were folded, curled up as a ball to be precise. but my point was i wasnt taken and that ever since that lady came in that b***h stopped pinching me and lessened his hits, but then what came worse... my life is starting to tear apart... about a year now, he's been controlling my life he's been restricting it to the point where i have no freedom bc all i do is just stay on my phone and also bc he doesnt trust me. but to here his side of the story to make all my friends turn around and hate me is something else... so i'll just explain the original story. OK first of all hi im the eldest and and i have 2 siblings. ok so first of all im very disrespectful but like isnt it normal for all kids and 2nd of all i really answer back either bc i defend myself or im just being a knuckle ball, and mostly i do not take answering back as a joke i always try to defend myself, but b***h ass always seems to say if, wow and youre still answering back i will hit you. im sorry that wasnt really accurate its just really hard to translate my language to english. SO the main reason is rn because today,  earlier this morning my mom told him that something about me complaining thats why my mom has another kid meaning she is pregnant but she was on the phone while telling him she was on speaker btw. but anyways i had to fix their clothes thats basically 5  ppl including myself and y'know it will add another just great, and ik it was very offensive bc every child is a gift of god and i admit i am sorry. so he really got mad at me, he started yelling and he threw my comb at me which f*****g hurts, i ended up getting bruise on my finger and it also hit my head. and started spouting some nonsense s**t that im not going to school today and that if i wanted to leave then leave. and when we went to the care he started going on with his big fat mouth of his saying that if i want to go to my real dad he'll even help me and that when i will have my bday party on the 18th not my actually birth date... he'll embarrass me and said he'll tell my friends that i will invite about how im an a*****e and how i to them, and asked you think if i told them about you they'll still like you ? and i obviously had answer correctly or else... and so i said no. so then all that s**t ended i went home and he was all kind again, went to work cause he had a call and i had to take care of 2 kids below the age of 5 and did some s**t and again i wasnt done with the clothes. but to get straight to the point. ok he has this app which can basically enable my freedom and disable it on my phone its called ''our pact'' and its like living in hell. but anyways there's a schedule and it opens between six pm and so on, and so i have my insta. my friend from sophomore added me and so i did but before that i posted something its just my piano songs and stuff and he replied damn with that perfect hand sign. and said oh i have more vid and its way better than this one, and he stopped texting me then while my parents were eating me too my phone went on and so did his cause every damn social media account i have is F*****G connected to his phone and so he checked and he got mad and said so this is the reason why you didnt get your work done, ive granted it and youve abused it. and i checked my phone who the hell it was and looked down at my phone for the F*****G first time and saw it was my friend the Sophomore and read what he sent and b***h ass saw me looking down and got so mad he blew and said let go off that phone and give it to me and he threw my phone on THE F*****G floor. my mom saw everything she just doesnt know the F*****G truth and when she came back b***h ass over there told her why tf he got mad, and f*****g lied. causing my mom to not f*****g give a damn s**t about me. okay this what that b***h said, i saw it because its connected to my phone and she asked whyd you get mad cause she was texting while we were eating, so while everyone didnt have their phone she was texting (mom). oh i see ok (mom) and i said to myself wow i just looked to see who tf texted me and what they said i texted him when you werent even here yet. obviously i couldnt say anything coz you already know what might happen. and thats when i just really wanted to die already, i dont really cry when i get hurt cause ive gotten used to the pain but the only time i actually cry is when it is emotionally. like i just started crying when i said to myself that i just wanted my dad.i just want to talk to him.

Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.

2 likes, 11 replies

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  • Posted

    Hi I hesitated quite a while before I finally decided to answer your post mainly because I wasn't sure whether it is a serious one or not.  Also are you male or female?  I can't tell from your name or what you have said.

    I am very shocked at the foul langue you are using especially calling your parents b..... a..... and I must admit if any child of mine was so abusive I would be very hard on them too.  How about a little respect for your parents?  They give you a home and provide you with food and shelter don't they?  I presume your father goes out to work to support you all?  I presume your mother cooks and cleans for you too?  Regardless of anything else they both deserve some respect and thanks from you. 

    Try being more grown up instead of throwing tantrums like a spoilt child and I am sure their behaviour towards you will change.  If you start acting more like an adult then they will start treating you like one rather than a silly spoilt child with a potty mouth!   

     

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    • Posted

      I must say that I find this a very judgemental reply to a very troubled young man / girl (I am guessing man but perhaps wrong here, though it doesn't matter). All the more strange because you are such an experienced contributor.

      I wouldn't tolerate such behaviour from my kids, and my parents wouldn't have done from me, but that's missing the point completely in this situation of what sounds like pretty serious abuse and pent-up anger from a guy who's now had the guts to make some sort of cry for help.

      I would urge you to reflect on your post above again, which sadly implies some sort of justification for the step-dad's violence and manipulation / abuse, and will likely greatly heighten the feelings of low self-worth that Otaku already has.

      And given that none of us can ever be sure that any post is genuine, we are all always giving the benefit of the doubt / taking at face value, any post we respond to. So I found the suggestion the original post might not be serious to be unnecessary / distasteful too.

      I don't say this with any hard feelings, but I felt strongly enough to reply to your post without hesitation and hope you will accept this as from a friend.

      Rgds

      BT

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    • Posted

      Okay, i guess thanks for the feedback... but let me get this straight if you have anything rude to say about me please keep it to yourself. And by the ways you dont know my life, yes i might still be a child and still have many more to learn out there. But again you dont know children you dont even know if you children says these words, well not unless they are younger than eight years old. But Ms. or Mr. you think this is called discipilne, ok so yesterday i was gonna wash the dishes and so i took my watch off and out it in my pocket, where my phone was and he saw my phone and got mad at me for having it in my pocket and took it. Then again sorry if you didnt like my languge but even too my biological father I said all those word bc i couldnt hold myself back even tho i didnt want to since he is my father and he is an adult but like said i was too blind to even think when youre frustated. I know you as a parent would get very mad , like you are rn but seriously do you know what ive been going through no, yeah thought so, and fyi i love my mom no matter how bitchy and annoying she is i could never hold a grudge against her and fyi also she calls me a b***h if you didnt know that and she says f**k you when shes mad at me, me i dont care thats bc when people are mad they dont give a damn if what they said was bad as long as they said sorry. As much as i didnt want to reply to you and have an argument what you said was really agitating me a lot, and fyi my stepbrother was way worse which was his own real son, he disrespected his father by saying i hate you and not wanting him and he grown very irresponsible and i grew very responsible, i do almost everything in the house he does nothing and is spoiled, so dont you tell me im spoilt cause obviously almost every child is. My only wish is too have a happy life and to be happy. And potty mouth well then im sorry you know almost 99.9% of people use that type of language. And btw you as i could tell dont understand me for there are always 2 types of people in this world, 1 people who are good and people who are evil, people who understands others and people who dont and clearly youre one of them. Now 永遠に小夜んあら。
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    • Posted

      Sorry to disabuse you of this but 99.9% of people in the world do not use foul language like you do..  Maybe they do where you live but certainly not where I am.

      You put your post up to seek advice.  I gave you an honest genuine answer with what I think.  I do not have to reply to you or anyone on here as I am only a fellow sufferer.  Even if you didn't like the advice it wouldn't hurt to be appreciative of those who take the time and trouble to reply to you.  Do you have any manners at all?  Do you believe the world owes you?  It seems to be the case. 

      Your quite nasty reply still leaves me to believe my original reply to you was correct and has not caused me to change my opinion of you one bit. 

      I am not prepared to waste any more time and precious energy on you so will bow out of any further conversation.   My life is difficult enough without making it any harder. 

      Goodbye and good luck. 

       

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    • Posted

      Hypercat

      Seriously - if you really feel as strongly as this why don't you just not bother replying - especially a 2nd time! - rather than make a fellow sufferer feel a lower self-esteem than before? At times like this where you are obviously really irked, and / or you just don't feel any chemistry/empathy - that's probably ok but keep it to yourself.

      We're here to help each other, not knock down those that have had the guts to post / ask for help.

      Regards

      BT

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    • Posted

      We'll said I totally agree we are here to offer support some find it hard to open up and weather someone swears or not it's beside the point they obviously in bad way and don't need unesecery comments like that we all here for help or to support

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    • Posted

      Hmm... advice huh... I see. So the first reply to me in this forum and the last paragraph was advice... I rather you read it and think about what you said... I CALL THAT AN OPINION!, not ADVICE. BT's right.

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry your feeling like this are u seeking help no one should be hurting u ever please seek help if u need to talk I'm Here I'm also on Fb u can always chat to me thru there or Here if u need to chat I also suffering from depression loss of my brother and my partner who I was with left me for another man after 16 years if u need to chat inbox me Warren Davison wol or u can write here or private message me if u need chat hope u OK

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  • Posted

    Hi otaku1215 - sorry to read of your situation. You have a lot going on. First, any form of violence is not acceptable. If you are being abused by your step father please be aware that violence against children by a non-biological parent is more likely than a biological parent. You need to make someone aware of what is happening. Are there counsellors at school you can talk to? The family doctor? It is important an authority of some description is notified - you have younger siblings who could become targets if they are not already. Your step dad sounds like he is controlling you to a totally unacceptable degree. He won't stop unless you act. You have also stated that your mum is pregnant again. Is it your step dads baby? If so, you should be prepared when that child takes precedence in the family since it's his.

    You have mentioned your real dad, and how you want to reach out to him. Why don't you do that? The step father has even stated that he would help you there. Your dad may be the person to approach with what is happening to you. As already stated, violence is not the answer to anything by anyone. Your desire to murder or maim is a reflection of your anger and frustration at what has happened to you. You must not act on it as this will give your opponent the upper hand. Don't be like him. Also, the disrespect can be borne out of rage and frustration. Better to say nothing than to fuel the situation. Pour your energy into seeking a way out with authorative support for you. If you are stuck with that, the police may be the only avenue open. Any bruising or wounds from him should be documented.

    Lastly, you have mentioned songwriting and a piano. If that is your artistic outlet, then good on you, stick with that, work on it and believe in yourself. Some of the greatest songs ever composed were inspired by suffering. You are nearly 18, and a new world awaits you. Don't give up, give in, or allow your step dad to influence the person you can be.

     

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    • Posted

      Oh and yes i have been talking to a counselor back in my middle school a long time ago but they never get me ni matter how kind they were to mee they always side with my parents. Tho I appreciate their kindness, oh and yes i have been talking to my dad but my 2 problem is is that i dont want to leave america nd my mom. 
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