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someone please help me, im just a teen and in need of help with my thoughts and decisions. sometimes i feel like im going crazy thoughts of murdering but no no i am afraid of the devil very religious i just have thoughts. well the problem is, is my step dad. ok first of all it was a my bday and he sent me a really heart warming post on fb but then today he became a b***h. but before that hearts warming post he has been a b***h. i remember elementary and middle i would get hit almost every morning getting yelled at everyday, but ever since i went to 6th i started cutting myself. 7th became more worse that when i actually felt depression rising up i wouldnt talk to anyone wouldnt hang out, always looking at the ground never making eye contact, i wasnt myself i am very social and very clingy. those 2 years he would always hit me, but ever since this librarian saw me not feeling well she asked me are you okay and obviously when everyone asks that 99.9 of people would just start crying. and i was one of those. but the reason why was bc in the morning he pinches my ass very tiny pinches but really hard that the skin sheds and you have what is known a bruise, i remembered i use to have a lot of those. but anyways she called her friend people who take children bc of bitchy ass parents but im my case she saw how i was and had many cases like them. she realized right away that i was the one at fault and how disrespectful i was when she was talking to me, my legs were folded, curled up as a ball to be precise. but my point was i wasnt taken and that ever since that lady came in that b***h stopped pinching me and lessened his hits, but then what came worse... my life is starting to tear apart... about a year now, he's been controlling my life he's been restricting it to the point where i have no freedom bc all i do is just stay on my phone and also bc he doesnt trust me. but to here his side of the story to make all my friends turn around and hate me is something else... so i'll just explain the original story. OK first of all hi im the eldest and and i have 2 siblings. ok so first of all im very disrespectful but like isnt it normal for all kids and 2nd of all i really answer back either bc i defend myself or im just being a knuckle ball, and mostly i do not take answering back as a joke i always try to defend myself, but b***h ass always seems to say if, wow and youre still answering back i will hit you. im sorry that wasnt really accurate its just really hard to translate my language to english. SO the main reason is rn because today, earlier this morning my mom told him that something about me complaining thats why my mom has another kid meaning she is pregnant but she was on the phone while telling him she was on speaker btw. but anyways i had to fix their clothes thats basically 5 ppl including myself and y'know it will add another just great, and ik it was very offensive bc every child is a gift of god and i admit i am sorry. so he really got mad at me, he started yelling and he threw my comb at me which f*****g hurts, i ended up getting bruise on my finger and it also hit my head. and started spouting some nonsense s**t that im not going to school today and that if i wanted to leave then leave. and when we went to the care he started going on with his big fat mouth of his saying that if i want to go to my real dad he'll even help me and that when i will have my bday party on the 18th not my actually birth date... he'll embarrass me and said he'll tell my friends that i will invite about how im an a*****e and how i to them, and asked you think if i told them about you they'll still like you ? and i obviously had answer correctly or else... and so i said no. so then all that s**t ended i went home and he was all kind again, went to work cause he had a call and i had to take care of 2 kids below the age of 5 and did some s**t and again i wasnt done with the clothes. but to get straight to the point. ok he has this app which can basically enable my freedom and disable it on my phone its called ''our pact'' and its like living in hell. but anyways there's a schedule and it opens between six pm and so on, and so i have my insta. my friend from sophomore added me and so i did but before that i posted something its just my piano songs and stuff and he replied damn with that perfect hand sign. and said oh i have more vid and its way better than this one, and he stopped texting me then while my parents were eating me too my phone went on and so did his cause every damn social media account i have is F*****G connected to his phone and so he checked and he got mad and said so this is the reason why you didnt get your work done, ive granted it and youve abused it. and i checked my phone who the hell it was and looked down at my phone for the F*****G first time and saw it was my friend the Sophomore and read what he sent and b***h ass saw me looking down and got so mad he blew and said let go off that phone and give it to me and he threw my phone on THE F*****G floor. my mom saw everything she just doesnt know the F*****G truth and when she came back b***h ass over there told her why tf he got mad, and f*****g lied. causing my mom to not f*****g give a damn s**t about me. okay this what that b***h said, i saw it because its connected to my phone and she asked whyd you get mad cause she was texting while we were eating, so while everyone didnt have their phone she was texting (mom). oh i see ok (mom) and i said to myself wow i just looked to see who tf texted me and what they said i texted him when you werent even here yet. obviously i couldnt say anything coz you already know what might happen. and thats when i just really wanted to die already, i dont really cry when i get hurt cause ive gotten used to the pain but the only time i actually cry is when it is emotionally. like i just started crying when i said to myself that i just wanted my dad.i just want to talk to him.
Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.
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