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Will things ever get better

Posted , 3 users are following.

Bashley
Bashley

When I was 14 I was sexually abused by my uncle who I babysat for for 2 years. When I was 20 my brother was found dead on an old line after taking 2 diazepam and having the equivalent of 4 pints of lager. When I was 21 I was at a house party with my boyfriend and friends and a man died of alcohol poisoning initially the police did not know this and thought something untoward had happened and 6 of us including myself were arrested for suspicion of murder and we're locked in a cell for 3 days we were released with no further action I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship at the time and have had a few more relationships after that which were also abusive . Coming up to 2 year in November my cousin fell down my sisters stairs tragically ended up in a coma for 3 weeks and eventually the machines were turned off as there was no brain activity I was there when the incident happened travelled to the hospital everyday for the duration and was there with my whole family when he took his final breath. The whole family was messed up. During the time he was in a coma a man comforted me through Facebook I got into a relationship with him he was everything I wanted in a man he turned out to be a total con man who was an addict he stole my dreams . I am now alone and struggling to make ends meat I feel worn out I'm trying to think that something good is going to happen I'm 35 and can't have children due to having blood poisoning as a child . I feel like I have had my last chance to go for ivf has been blown due to my age and me not been able to ever trust again I tried to take my life a couple of month ago but a friend called and rang an ambulance when she seen the cocktail I had taken. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and depression a need something to make me strong again I'm sick of feeling like this I'm tired

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Paul529
    Paul529 Bashley

    Posted

    Can I start by saying well done, you are here after some truly tragic events, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of these circumstances but trust me when I say you are strong and deserve credit for the challenges you have faced.

    Do you have a support network like close family/friends?

    We cannot stop horrible natural things from occurring but we can change the way we handle or accept them, yes it hurts and feels as though each one is another scar but we have the power to help those scars to heal or how much it effects us.

    Think of events as though you have a route to take after, like you have Several choices of the road ahead and its up to you where you end up after, so take a step back if you can and don't let them consume you, but more that they give you the experience calmly walk away from the pain and follow a route that you choose that is less damaging emotionally to you, speaking to yourself and coaching your thoughts to calmness.

    You can do this, through all these events you are still here and fighting, I too have severe anxiety & depression and have found this group a fountain of support and information, so don't be afraid to ask, vent or sanity check anything you feel comfortable to.

    All the best and stay strong

    Paul

    • Bashley
      Bashley Paul529

      Posted

      Thanks that really made sense a try to practice mindfulness and think rationally like that at times maybes these things have tested me to make me choose a different path in life a's the one I've been on has been a roller coaster I try to keep saying to myself give it time I'll be strong again I'm going to try let these things that happened not let me rush into another bad relationship don't think I could handle another one anyway. I just feel a bit lost and numb sometimes I need to get my sense of humour back suppose I've lost myself a bit on the way

    • Paul529
      Paul529 Bashley

      Posted

      Nobody could blame you or be surprised by the things you explain like lost humour and losing yourself, find you and a natural time for relationships will follow at your own pace.

      Keep fighting one step at a time

    • Bashley
      Bashley Paul529

      Posted

      I will suppose I have no other option really. I just need to make better choices I think .
  • kathy84091
    kathy84091 Bashley

    Posted

    You goodness girl. You have been through it! I'm proud of you for opening up. I know this isn't a place to talk religion but I hope it's ok if I say ask God (Jesus) for strength and ask Him to help you. Can you find a pastor to talk to?? Find a church and get involved in some type of a support group. I'm so sorry. Let me know how I can help!!! Hang in there my friend. You can do this!!

    • Bashley
      Bashley kathy84091

      Posted

      I know I need to find my strength again I need my happiness back I'm hoping in time it will be back as long as no more knocks come my way

  • barbara22845
    barbara22845 Bashley

    Posted

    Are you seeing a doctor about your depression? Therapy may be helpful also. I have been molested,had mental abuse from family etc. Nothing compared to all you have lived through. You are a survivor. Saying this I believe you need a new direction. Do you know anyone that can help you with future decisions. Pethaps an older person you admire and know to be a friendly, trustworthy person you can confide in and get to help. Changing the people you spend time with that have negative affects on you and try to think positive. Hard to do after all you have lived through but you are strong and want to go on. You would not be asking for help if this wasn't true. See if a depression group meets in your area. You can get support and meet new people that know what you're feeling. Feel these people out and take time if deciding to befriend someone outside the class. Caution now days is wise in all respects. I was found three times and taken to the hospital from overdoses but now my life is good and I would never try that again. Iam a christian now and my life is very different. Not saying you should or should not go that way but it truly changed me for the better. Even so, life does get better with the right help and if you need to talk or ask questions, people on this site will be glad to help. I truly pray for you're life to get better soon and you can be happy.

    • Bashley
      Bashley barbara22845

      Posted

      I'm on mirtazipine and I had a can she just signed me off because she was retiring so I'm trying to use the mindfulness she has taught me. I seem to be everyone else's counsellor sometimes which I'm good at helping other people out but I've started ignoring the phone calls a bit because this is waring me down even more. I work a lot I need some fun in my life that doesn't involve drinking I suppose. It's hard to find Friends around mine that don't do that lol and I live in North East England the churches aren't like the helping type round here

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