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I've suffered on and off (mostly on) with depression for a long time, at times I've thought I was beginning to understand it...I was wrong! Yes Ive learned more about it through books, Doctors, counselling, psychologist and talking to like minded people.
So then why do I still get depressed and why am I still so confused?
When I'm well (happy) I feel like this is me this is how I am, how I'm supposed to be and I believe it.
But when I'm unwell (depressed) its the same...
I believe it's how I should be, how my life was meant to be and what I deserve.
Only difference is that when I'm unwell I find it hard if not impossible to remember when I've been well
But when I'm well I always remember how bad I was before.
I could read this back when I'm unwell, you could quote me on it, remind me that I can be well, that I can be happy!
But i won't believe it.
But why? Doesn't make sense right?
When I'm well I want to live, when I'm Down I want to die, there's no in between, no middle ground!
Actually that's not true There is a middle ground (I'm on it now)
At the point where I have good and bad thoughts, where Ive been doing well but realise it's coming to an end.
So If I know this then I have the advantage? I should be able to stop it from happening right?
In the past I've not been able to
If I'm lucky I can slow it down (which I am trying so hard to do right now)
But I'm just prolonging the inevitable.
I've not been able to before so how can I this time?
What can I do differently?
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