Withdrawal feeling crazy

ave been off Ven for probably 5 months but only off all meds for 2.5. They tried to switch me over and either the Ven withdrawals or the start up side effects were too much so I came off the last one orozac they had me on. I think because I was trying to switch meds and I was already in poopout I now have more psychological symptoms. I read a book recovery and renewal. She says the intrusive thoughts( mine revolve around suicide and hurting my kids, which traumatizes me cause my life and my kids are the most precious things to me) are normal and while your brain is trying to heal you have to just except them as withdrawal and not give them attention. Which is hard cause now I obsess on them and most of the time I check them or think them without wanting to. I don't really want to reinstate which is what some people on the message boards think I should do. But I was having the issues already before I came off due to needing to up my dose because it was wearing off after 9 years. But it's very hard. After 2.5 months you start thinking ok this is the new me and I need medication to feel normal. But I never had these problems before the medication, just panic attacks. I tried to do the Prozac bridge. But I thought it was making me feel worse. Then I needed Valium for a bit because my thoughts were in over drive. Which they still are and I get the urge to go back on meds. She said if you didn't have a pre existing condition like myself now experiencing pure o ocd obsesssive intrusive thoughts. Then most likely it's still a product of your broke down nervous system. Which apparently trying all those other drugs with in a months time hurts your brain even more. I never had a problem with depression or psychosis or schizophrenia, just panic attacks which they first gave me Xanax and I was not wanting to get addicted to those so they put my on Prozac for 3 years and then Effexor for 9. Never taught me how to cope with anxiety or panic I attacks. Just put me on drugs. Which I think was situational or kinda a post traumatic stress type thing cause my dad had committed suicide some time before they started. And instead of asking me how my anxiety was and maybe try to come off the meds they just kept prescribing them. Hopefully these new symptoms I have acquired since coming off meds will slowly fade away. As of now I get discouraged and they feel like they are permanent and I have a new mental illness. She says you can be misdiagnosed for new illnesses when in 6-18 months these symptoms can fade. The problem is I don't know if I can deal with intrusive thoughts for that long. But I hate to go back on meds for something that will fade when my brain receptors heal. My life situation is not the best either. I have supportive people but they get tired of hearing about it. I went to my gp who is a first year pa yesterday and she said 6-18 months is too long to experience withdrawals and most of her patients have either stayed on meds or came off 5-6 DAYS with just feeling weird. Wth? Really? That was so discouraging and sent me into an emotional breakdown. She told me I have been diagnosed with a disorder so basically most people stay on meds. Really? I got all worked up and I came home to my husband that agreed with her that it shouldn't take that long to heal from not having meds ( which made me breakdown and cry, feeling hopeless and crazy) . Thank god my mom knows how to make me feel better. She said those doctors usually know nothing about psychiatric medicines and especially coming off. And not everyone will experience a protracted withdrawal. And those who don't go on with their lives. But I guess I'm one of the lucky ones to have this or I'm very mentally ill now. When a year ago before my Effexor started pooping out I was not.

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