Withdrawal hell! Hoping this isnt permanent!

Hi all. Let me preface this by saying I know I'm an idiot and i dont deserve any sympathy. I'll try to keep this as short as possible, please bear with me i desperately need help. I was abusing gabapentin at VERY large doses-8 grams every other day for 5-6 weeks. I realized i had a problem and stopped cold Turkey the day before xmas. the first week was HELL! ive wd from several opiates and benzos and let me say this makes it seem like a walk in the park. I immediately noticed several of the "normal" wd symptoms: severe memory loss, insomnia, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, blurred vision, headaches, agitation, and tinnitus. about 5 days in, i woke one day with HORRID jaw pain! it felt like no matter what i couldnt hold my jaw in the right place. to this day it still feels like it's out of place, but the pain comes and goes. from what i can gather it seems to be TMJ, but ive never had any jaw issues prior to this.

I also noticed that i have vision disturbances. its hard for me to read now, it feels like my eyes dart instead of moving smoothly. I also have blurry vision, and i have a really hard time seeing far away. I started getting numbness in the left side of my face and scalp which I thought I was having a stroke! the numbness in my scalp would come and go, but it was soon replaced by intermittent sharp pains in the top and back of my head. the neurologist thinks it may be from occipital neuralgia, which i also never had prior to this. I used to be able to do mental math on a savant level, now i struggle to do basic math. its hard for me to recall words, spelling, and definitions which is HIGHLY uncharacteristic of myself. I'll often blank in the middle of a sentence and feel like an idiot.

ive noticed that ive become extremely sensitive to sound. loud or unexpected noises will send a jolt thru my body. ive also noticed that my arms and hands have become weak, especially the left side. I have trouble moving my fingers, and get intermittent pain in my left arm. I get tinnitus often and I get dizzy all the time. it also seems like my pupils will dilate with no rhyme or reason.

Sleeping is the worst. for the first 3 weeks every time i tried to go to sleep i would get these strange nonsensical racing thoughts. its hard for me to describe, my mind would just go on tangents that made absolutely no sense and it would make me feel like I was losing my mind! luckily that symptom has seemed to gotten better the past week. Unfortunately the little sleep I do get is awful. I have the most insanely vivid dreams/nightmares that also make no sense. I will constantly wake up every 1-2 hrs in a dizzy panic and not be able to fall back asleep.

ive sought out 3 doctors, a neurologist, and the ER and all of them are clueless. they all tell me Gabapentin doesnt have a wd, and im fine. i got an MRI and EEG done which came back normal, however since they were normal the neurologist said there was nothing to treat. he did however give me an occipital block shot in my neck which has seemed to help a bit with the sharp pains in my scalp. I'm terrified that either I'm having nocturnal seizures that are frying my brain and nerves, or that i caused irreparable damage to my brain. every single day I think about suicide just to end my suffering. ive never been suicidal in my life, and I have a strong will to live but i cant shake this feeling.

well, thats my story. I'm now about 5 weeks in and have very little hope. I have been scouring the internet for help/support and have found very little. I'm really hoping someone on here can help or at least relate. I'm at the end of my rope and am considering checking into the local psych ward which is terrifying to me. I dont have a history of mental illness and i fear theyre just going to put me on a bunch of psych meds that i dont need and make things worse. I feel like my IQ dropped 30 points. I just feel plain stupid. thank you for hearing my story, please comment or share!

0 likes, 18 replies