WomansPsychotic problem

Well no one everdid reply- I dont blame anyone either!

Ive got to admit, im back downhill again, but its not the cits fault- i wish Icould have said , ive goneon withut and im okay-but I cant-I still need it- o r what am i adddicted?

Tonight I walked out my house shredding tears, wnating to cut a few limbs of my body-just not really actuallly wanting to tell everyone to eff off in the slielent possible way. I went to bed early last night-slept like a bayb-woke feeling sick-threw up -went back to bed - couldnt understnad again cried like a looney for hours and now I feel like im getting the flu!_Maybe thats all it is. but Im really really lonely!cavemen have a higher rate of survival-anywayim stillf eeling sown ( another thing is this, when I got the all clear form the clinic- they just gave me the impression it was too far gone to treat(htere was no end to roads of worry there!)I dont trust medics. ive friends that are docottors and I know what best they get up to and it bedraggles me( its not any ones fault I dont trust anyone though- is it-that is life- mum promised me they wouldnt be lying but ive heard them before!)

THIS ISNT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I cant go on like this! I am mad-I thought they had gone for goood, I dont even believe this to be a panic flipping attack anymore, I think i dont breathe properlyy, becuase i dont breathe but im gasping on air and really dizzie and the concrete gets closer to me everytime! Im just not finding this very funny...This is not a good time for me. My ex mum is not got long, the childrena re being drageged back and forth to the hospital Im not allowed to see her, but they are/// he is a mees, hes so depressed and then hes really really nice to me now...its changing him, and I odnt get it, I just do not get it.......I met my niece for the first time yesterday ...shes 8 moonths old and an absolute dolly...and then my girls are saying stuff like \"wouldnt it be lovely to have a bayby in the house\"\"\"\"Sorry, but no wonder I cant breathe. Ive so much work to do and end up chopping off bits of my messed up hair-which is the same shade as idont know what...anyway...im going now..I wonder if its all hormone related ,,as my piost re;breast milIm more than sure it is! Never underestimate the power of a homrmone eithere!

hey you sound really down have youever gone into hospital as a patient seems like you really need help isnt any of the medication working ?it doesnt sound like it is

Im such a Psychotic neurotic looney again! The size of my chest makes me depressed, nevermind the rest too. I cant stand it!@ I mean I really cant stand it, and if I dont get a reduction job on the nhs, i may well do something about it myself so that I dont have to cope with ths!

In such a bad mood. I was thinking about it though and I am changing. I was thinking that i put too much pressure on myself to get out this situation too soon, but now I realise...and i know what maybe 3 years down the line that no one needs put up with this. Quite simply whatever is going on in weither ofo ur lives,,,he doesnt care, so i should give up caring and simply hate him to get out.....but I still think it should be illegal for him to stay in this property after everything and expect me to leave the children behind, What an absolute bastatrd of a man what a tosser! Sorry, but I dont need to run round the house picking up his shit, ive not only my own stuff to worry about but my 2 girls stuff to deal with. He just doesnt give a hoot and and, he is not only taking the piss out of me, hes taking the piss out of my entire family and, hes upsetting his very own flesh and blood , his children, hes an asshole , complete asshole.

He bought me a pressie for my birthday ....ah right get this....then folowed by \" when are you going to sign the parentla rights form\" Ef off, if I thought he was desrving enough to be a father, and if I thought I was too sick to let him even see the childrne...hes the one with problems, I know my kids still love daddy so why would I want to hurt them....I think that justifies it. i have to get out of this before I do something realy really stupid. I just wish I could get him to go because financially it wouldnt just make more sense for me and the children but it also makes more sense for the flippin tax payers and so why cant the government and police and judiciarty see this as unfair. im the women here I had my girls in my stomach , there wee home for the best part of 10 months,,,, 40 weeks is not 36 weeks by the way so when are they going to update the text books? So what was I an incubator ...and what is he trying to do, what is he wanting a boy or something...oh sorry Im just RANITING BUT JUST NEED TO .

mY COTROLLING MOTHER IS NOW going to come over and play happy families and I am the best grandparentin the world situation woop woop. Ill just be moodie house cleaner in the background dreaming of wanting to cut these damn things off.....Look , this is bad, the last time I felt like this I ripped thorugh 2 outfits of clothing which I now regert . they were nice clothes, and I cant stop this self hating even with a silly pill that makes me even dosier than m myself and believe me when people ask me what planet I come from and ask me how many joints do you smoke perday?? grr is it anywewonder I get angry!!! Gdd....also waiting on results...2 weeks or their about to go and I cant stop thinking ive failesd, and I think I have because I practically flipped out during my exam ,a dn my essay was really bad ....and Im expecting to be called up for a dysleic check...because ( well the above speels it out -doesnt it! Right god rant over, its like tyalking to a wall, but the grafettis therer.

Nothing wrong with being dyslexic. I dont think exams are the best way of testing a persons ability, & having the condition the exams are in a way discriminatory. Whoever your exam body is should be able to facilitate your needs. I am facing the same situation and being told that if i cant to use a computer to type my answers i have to travel 2 hours to a place I have never been to before, where they can accommodate it. As if its not stressful enough already.

HI sarahfacinguptothings-cool name! I didnt mean there was anything worng with being dyslexic-i dontknow i am more totally batchy disorgonised etc-and its all over my written work rather than it just being a spelling issue. Its really frustrated me all my life and I still get really upset about it-despite knowing how to link things. i just go off to a tangent and find myself lost!

Anyway, sorry about my rant yesterday, i could have bigger one 2day as received another threatening letter from his solicitor. My hair looks like worzel gummage and i feel bugger than 47 stone

Im more worrued as Im trying to do am MsC and managed a degree without outside support before-and it was all my work before. Im stubbornm that way because-if your going to make it your career youneed to know if your honestly good or not. Now I find im in teara about this a lot as I know ive mucked up I feel sick anout itas there isnt much good in my life or any goo serving me and the girls right now. I jsy have nasty solicior letter and I dont know where im going to be living by Christmas and thats if I can even get my big fat as out of bed!

Then I switch to not thinking about it at all-total obliviion-lets not think about all the debt-lets just enjoy the sun and make myself and the girls feel ggod-not facing up to things and making it all worse, then thinking about it, and then nearly crapping my self with worry and feeling sick and sitting in the same room at night trying to swatch tv wiothout a glass of wine in my hand ut me on edge edge egd, an irritable irritable irrritable and angry angry angry and lonlely and if I could be in a relation ship and just have a cuddle and just have a cuddle and watch a film and help me out of this , i could do it fine!

Sorryhe thinks he should have custodial rights over me for my children>

I know exactly what you mean about the dyslexia thing. Its a wide ranging issue as my spelling is absolutely fine but I cannot organise my thoughts properly and put pen to paper and struggle to read and comprehend text, and get lost and overwhelmed by words. My boss doesnt seem to comprehend it as my spelling is fine! Like you I managed to get my degree with no help (admittedly I opted for as many numbers based modules as possible to avoid writing/essays), but the exams im doing now there is no choice but to do it or give up

It makes me feel like an idiot as I just sit there trying to comprehend a single paragraph for about half an hour, it feels like a waste of time.

Exams arent the best way of showing how good you will be in your career.

Most of the people at my work who dont have degrees are actually alot more commercially aware.

It sounds like you have had a bad split. But forget the wine, i know its very tempting. For me I would like to take some E to get some kind of lift, but I have done it in the past, many years ago, and I know it only makes you even more depressed AND makes putting words together in an understandable way when talking even harder!

Its really hard but taking some exercise does help a bit. And try to eat healthily. This used to make me feel better, as well as a good nights sleep, but now I am trying to keep up all of these things but still feel low low low, thats why I decided it was time to try the medication.

Would it help you to speak the a councillor or CBT? I have not tried this yet, in my case theres not really any major problem in my life just low for no reason. But it sounds like you have some things that might help talking about? Do you have any close friends who you can confide in and understand your feelings? Especially with this looming solicitors letter you sound like you could do with some encouragement. I do hope there is someone for you. Keep us posted. xxxx

Hi Sarahfacingup to things. thank you for your kind words.

My situation has been going around in circles for years so its not new to folks close to me etc-and today I just grabbed the letter and tore it into tiny pieces-every letter costs him money ( he he!)

I have my mum who is somtimes a bit overwhelming and sometimes controlling but she has a good strong heart and is understanding enough- though she herself is having a really really ncredible difficult time, so I have to watch the fine lines.

Ive had upteen counselling sessions which in the long run have helped. sometimes looking back there are a few things that have helped. Compared to how I was I am much better but still feel like sometimes hanging on with my tip fingers of a very high building block waiting for someone to stand on them.

Im sorry to hear your low- and for no real reason, sometiems thats just your body telling you to slow down a little. What are you studying/doing exam wise? take care!