Women v. men

I maybe the odd one out here - I'm the house husband (with PMR).  My wife (23 years younger and no PMR) works full time in the NHS as a case manager in OH.  I also have a 17 year old son at college - who does very litle around the house (too much study/I'm worn out he tells me!!)  I cook, clean etc. and also fit in my daily walk and cycle down into the nearby town to do the shopping.

Could change your quote to;

" wife and son may work from sun to sun, but househusbands work is never done"

Won't hold it against you Faye

good one!

This discussion may not be about gender difference, but about priorities that we set in our life.

Absolutly Nick

I agree with you and Nick about the continuation of movement and exercise. I was 62 a year ago when I was diagnosed with PMR, and was lucky enough to be put on prednesone right away which took away 99% of my pain almost immediately. Since I have been active all my life I really never slowed down much. I work out 5 days a week in classes at the gym... Cycling... Step...strength... Zumba..and yoga. Plus we hike and I love to garden. I have now tapered to 3.5 mg of prednesone and my Rhumy is very happy and told me to keep it up.

I know everyone is different and I do get inner thigh pain with each .5 mg drop but after a few weeks in gets better. Pushing for 0 prednesone by summers end! 😃

Good to hear from the "odd one out"   Thanks for sharing

your side.  If my hubby and I were in your position I'm afraid

we would have to hire some help.   He would tell me "if you

show me what to do".......I'm really in a pickle right now.

I just had cataract surgery and now that I can see the dust

I'm going to have to do something about it....

Yeah, I think the Pred has done a number on us. If I was older I wouldn't care as much, living without pain would be more important.

Funny, my hubby and I just went for a walk. I told him of our discussion.  I said earlier when I was scared and didn't know as much, I almost didn't like it when people were all positive and seeming to not let this bother them. Then he reminded me... There are stages we must go through, our own personal stages...ah ha! I think he's right. My first stage was it was all I could talk about, I needed people to sort of say, yes, what you are feeling is valid, your not crazy so to speak. While in the fear we forget, it will pass, there will be other stages, some will get to certain stages before others I guess?? Guess it depends on our goals, or as many said above, it depends on the type person or personality you are???? 

Sorry, I know...I'm talking too much, but lately I've wished for someone to talk philosophically with...and have no one. So thanks for listening or choosing to not, I'll never know ha, ha, ha...  

You have changed a LOT since you first joined the forum Layne - you have got past your scared stage I think. That's why those of us who have been there a long time ago hang around - it WILL pass, it will get better. 

I haven't said it for a long time so I'll say it now: In a year you will look back and realise how far you have come. It may be you are still on the same dose of pred - but you will have progessed along this path and see things very very differently. 

thanks for noticing Eileen. You've and many, many others have been quite the pals. I do hope I can help others with their paths, whether PMR or something else. Well, I'll at least try. I know I'm learning we can't expect others to do as we wish... Wow, the big, GIANT lessons I'm learning. 

And every journey starts with a single small step...

I do understand what you mean but in a way that has been my life's story.  Illness just kind of brings it to a head.  But you know something silly which is beginning to bug me quite a lot?  It's when you say something that refers to one's age,  not in a complaining way just a statement of fact. And others hasten to say you aren't old or words to that effect as though we want to believe those lies.  As though survival were not a valid achievement.  I'm not as old as some on this forum but I am considerably older than many and that's all right.  I want, I need my age to be acknowledged somehow,  not denied. Does that make sense? 

Anhaga, not real sure what you mean, but you got me thinking. For one, 50's are a big change. I think once past it I assume it easier to embrace. Like 35 was. 

I find myself when I'm around people older than me I want to know what their age is because either they are amazing and I hope to be like them when I reach those numbers, or I wonder if at some age it seems more important to say to heck with it, I'm going to eat ice cream, fried okra, drink wine! Hee, Hee. Sometimes I wish my dad who is 89, would eat better for his diabeties, but then again, heck shouldn't he enjoy what he wants? 

Or if someone seems older than they are, then that's another story.

You know, how there are those modelesk looking women and men how even as they age they are still beautiful, high cheek bones, carved jaw bone, beautiful hair, eyes, ... And without work done! Try don't seem to age...but then again...actress Betty White, in her 90's and just seeing her inner beauty come through...geez she is awesome! 

Glad you brought up this thought... Well I guess as saying goes, we are only as old as we feel??? Hmmmm....but as we are experiencing...PMR temporarily!!!!!! Might make us feel old, but heck...it's making us wiser. And when we can dance...look out! We know how it feels to not be able to dance!!! 

And you are right...what does age have to do with it???  

Like a child protege, some seem like old souls.

 

Layne, I went to dentist for regular checkup and I've got really sensitive teeth now. It's caused by gums receding,  presumably because of age (I'm 68) helped by pred I expect.  So wouldn't you think it would be both more true and kinder to acknowledge this effect of aging but perhaps (truthfully ) add that my teeth are very good for my age.  Instead of trying to flatter me by saying I have a young mouth, which isn't true.  I felt he was talking to me as though I were a child. Being patronized.  And this sort of thing  happens from time to time.  I think I still have all my marbles but this makes me nervous.  I know l sound overly sensitive but it sure looks like the beginning of being treated like an inconsequential little old lady.  And as soon as I typed little old my PlayBook gave me a selection of words including man and lady, not woman.

Just home from a childcare visit to our grandchildren and I feel a healthy tiredness. I read your post as a single malt step!!!! I like the sound of that. Make mine a laphroaig, please.😀😀

I'm always up for a philisophical discussion. :-)

Oh no - The MacAllan, please. Leapfrog tastes like medicine  

But maybe every journey SHOULD start with a single malt...

Dentists - a tooth broke a couple of weeks ago. It's one of those teeth that is really a large filling attached to a bit of tooth. Anyway, unprompted, he informed me that it was worth spending the (not so small) fortune on a ceramic inlay - it would make sure the tooth did for the rest of my life as all the rest of my teeth were in excellent condition. No receding gums, no pockets - despite 12 years of PMR and well over 6 years of pred. What is interesting though is that since it was done my teeth feel "cleaner" - like they've just been brushed.

I think it is attitude of mind - it has to be something pretty sarky to make me feel patronised (other than by UK politicians). 

I just joined this site today, and I see so many things that I can relate to. I love saying that I'm 79. It's so great to be this age. So I got hit over the head with this diagnosis, and for a week or so I was devastated. I was thinking of all of the things that I cannot do. I couldn't sleep lying down because I couldn't turn over. I slept sitting up on the couch for a week when it was at it's worst. I'm so independent, and my husband had to help me to get out of a chair. One day I could not walk. I had a hellish time getting a diagnosis. About 5 months. At the same time I was trying to get into a writer's group, and was frustrated because I couldn't work with my Garden Club's plant sale this year. I got the call that I was accepted into the Writer's Group, and my friend said that the Karma Gods were there for me...writer's group instead of garden club. So now I've been with this group for only a month, and I'm writing poetry. I've never read poetry, and have never written a poem, but in a month I've written about 9 or 10, and they are really not bad. I'm writing my memoires, and I've written a few very short stories. I had a good response to the pred, but if I do too much I'm in pain. Today I really hurt, but I still feel optimistic. I could barely walk yesterday, but today I went out for breakfast with my husband, and yes it did hurt, but I was going to hurt if I stayed at home. I don't expect him to clean, but we got someone to change the beds, vac and clean the bathrooms 2 times a month. So I buy less for the grandkids. I just don't want this to impact on everyone around me. I want to live my life. Yesterday I was so sore that I could do very little so I read a 365 page book at one sitting. I find ways to prop books, so I don't have to hold them. It's a real challenge. Dinner was a supermarket ready cooked partial turkey breast, and I peeled potatoes, husband cooked and peeled the turnip, and the cranberry sauce was the kind that Archie Bunker liked..it slid out of a can.  LOL I'm trying to be creative on a budget. Will my money outlast me, or will it see me to the end. Not looking so good. LOL.

You are a true example to us!  I fear I am one of those who insists on "kicking against the pricks".  Which makes things harder.  I sometimes think the pmr has been sent to me to teach me how to submit.

I, too, am 79 yo woman.  I was diagnosed three years ago and

have been on the roller coaster of pred since.  I was doing real

well until I had a horrible bout with sciatica and back up went

the sed rate.   I know what you mean when you speak of not

being able to do the usual things that make up your daily life.

I try hard to not get depressed because I stagger around my

house trying to keep my head above water on the cleaning etc.

My husband sort of helps and I have a son that does some yard

and house things for me.   It's just so mentally draining to

find you can't keep up with the basic stuff.   I had cataracts

(probably pred helped them form) and had no idea my house was

so dirty until I could see better out of the operated on eye.   Also have some back issues which make it even

tougher.  I keep telling myself it could be worse.  I do have a GP

that works with me and if I need pain med for back it's not a

problem.  Just found out a biopsy done on spot on my arm

is a squamous cancer and have to go back and have a larger

section taken out....plus having second cataract taken off

other eye next month...  I like that I can vent on this forum because

I sure don't want to turn into chronic complainer.  Pretty sure

hubby gets tired of hearing it.   Anyhow, I keep telling myself

that tomorrow will be a better day and what I have is not going

to kill me but will annoy me no end....Easy to say....."think good

thoughts"  but we have to try.  Bless you!

I can understand your frustrtion after 3 years, and other medical challenges.  It must wear you down at times. I was glad to find this site because so many people have the same diagnosis, and it's better than feeling alone in the world.  All you can do is the best that you can do. i complained a bit yesterday, but today is a better day, and who knows what tomorrow will bring. I had to laugh 'cause sometimes I get tired of hearing my husband complain, but I sure expect him to listen to me. LOL  A much older woman once said to me that she did not want to be a burden to anyone else, but she really doesn't want to be a burden to herself. I guess I feel that way.  I really want to stay out of my way, 'cause I have lots of things that I want to do. Do you have any distractons that bring real joy into your life?  I do some wool quilting, a little embroidery on wool, I hook a rug once in a while, and I paint. Now I'm writing. I'm not good at any of these things, but I love putting my energy into creative endeavors.  I try to put something fun in my life each day, and today I found all of you. Be well Faye and have a good rest of the day.  I live in Maine, and the state is coming alive after the winter, and it's a lovely place to be.

I take care of some cats....used to be a colony but through

attrition wound up with one sweet, friendly guy and we just

brought him home.  A stray showed up with a broken leg.  I

tried trapping him but think a previous trapping attempt is

what happened to his leg.  I won't touch or try to touch because

a cat bite put me in the hospital a few years back.  I give him

some bone health pain meds....  Anyhow can't physically do much

anymore but am a voracious reader.  Thanks goodness for

Amazon!!!!  Order lots of books.

Just seems things have piled up a bit right now. 

My husband and I eat out a lot......so don't have to do much cooking.

I'm not as down today as I probably sounded.  There was

a song, I think by John Denver,  Some Days are Diamonds, Some

Days are Stones......I think that describes most PMR people.

Faye, that's a great line!

The cat colony is a good humanitarian project. We had a feral cat that came for a long time. He wouldn't let us touch him (and we respected that), but he seemed to trust us and he ate. He's been gone now for a few years. Now we have an organization that will trap them, and get them inocculated and do the spay and neutering. Yeah we eat out a lot also. I'm starting one of those Little Free Libraries this week end, so that's a new project for me. They'll run a little article in the local newspaper and we've been buying inexpensive paperbacks at a local Goodwill Enterprise, so i'm doing it to promote literacy in our little village. I try to keep busy, and my husband helps me. he painted the Little Library. A man who makes chicken coops made it for me. he made a smaller version. I hope it goes over well. It's one of those take a book deals (no cost ever), and many people have donated books.

We also have a group of women that do TNR (trap, neuter,

release) to a colony.   Just to show you how wondeful some

people can be.  They have spayed, neutered over l0,000

cats since their inception in our county of Brevard in F

.  Imagine how many kittens they would have produced?

Yeah there are wonderful people who do such god work.  We have that here also.  We have Jack Russell Terriers, and they are not cat safe. Our older dog passed last fall at age 17, and we still have a nine year old, otherwise I would rescue. We have a large barn, and often there are requests for barns for feral cats, but with the JRTs we can't do it because the cats would not feel safe. How is your rescue cat doing?

Fun to read your conversation, though I feel I'm intruding, Hee, Hee, but not really.  Loved to hear what y'all do with the cats and about Jack Russel terriers. We had JR's when we live in country, great little dogs, kept snakes away. Nice to hear yours lived such a long life! None of ours lived long as they did what JRs do, ugh.  Now we have Rat Terriers and live in country again, had one live 16 years, my favorite of all my dogs I've ever had! Now we have 3. They bring such joy.

Also nice to hear about the free library thing, y'all are fun and inspiring people, very nice.  

It's one of those days that if I don't talk about JRTs and cats, and that I went to the hairdresser today, I'd be whining because it's not an easy day. I'm brand new to the group as of yesterday, so I don't know if this talk is OK.  I try to keep my attitude in the altitude and I'm glad that you joined in. We had a Rat Terrier when we were kids living in Pennsylvania. I was planning to go to my writer's group this evening and I planned to take a veggie tray, but I can't even imagine going to the grocery store buying bags of veggies, lugging them to the car, cleaning them, blanching and making up a tray, so I'm just going to cancel. The group will be okay with it, but I hate to disappoint people. It's snowing in Maine, and I think that the change in humidity must affect things. It's absolutely gorgeous to see the snow coming down, and the daffodils and grape hyacynth showing through the light snow coverage. It's just stunning to look at.  My hairdresser is just 3 houses away, and it took 10 minutes 'cause I showered and washed my hair before I left, but I'm glad to be back in the house and seeing it from the inside out. I plan to just have a quiet day with my dog, and a good book. Making meatloaf for supper. My husband went over to play cards with his brother and his nieces, so it will be a good day to just be. Find something to do to bring peace into your life.

A wise decision. Sometimes I found myself deciding that having been out during the day it was just too much to go out in the evening. It is better now but it depends on how much I have done or what the following day has planned. An evening venture may tip the balance and leave me unable to do what I hoped. Enjoy the snow from the best side of the window at the moment. Tomorrow is another day.

I call them Jack Russell Terrorists....they are such high

energy dogs.....I love all animal.

My stray is doing okay.  He limps badly but eats well and

i made him a warm box to sleep in when it;s cold  He had

ear mites but  got meds from cat rescue friend and treated

those.  I do the very best for him I can....poor baby

You are such a descriptive and delightful writer.  If you

are a writer and have published anything  send me

a private e-mail (just click on the little envelope under my

name) and tell me any titles.  And if you haven't written

anything, you should.

Elizabeth, please let us know how your Little Free Library goes.  I think they are such a fantastic idea.

Elizabeth, you can talk away on here on any topic you feel like... we are all 'just' people, the same as you. It's the little things in life that make it big,