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Work stress has made me wish I was dead

Posted , 5 users are following.

laura23162
laura23162

I have these sudden flashes of stress and anxiety that quickly turn to depression mainly triggered by situations at work, people sending horrid emails, playing weird little mind games, involving me in lies and bad practice, demoting me for no good or communicated reason, just some examples - it's been going on for 2 years. I'm now signed off for a week because I started crying, uncontrollably and couldn't stop, I felt such an urge to hurt myself - but I didn't give in to it. I'm so anxious about going back but can't afford to just quit. I feel so trapped and alone and imagining my name is mud for being signed off. When I'm alone at these times or can't sleep at night I just wish I was dead. I know I should leave, find another job, pretty much everyone in my life says so but I'm scared I will find the same problem, I guess I'm worried deep down that I'm the problem, that I'm too sensitive. Ive been told that I am many times - the sad thing is I love my actual job and get amazing feedback from external customers. Now I'm just at home feeling horrible.

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • jan34534
    jan34534 laura23162

    Edited

    I’m so sorry. People playing mind games, sending horrid emails. Involving you in lies and bad practice, etc. is a horrible thing to do. It doesn’t sound like you’re the problem. Those people are doing inappropriate things. Sounds like you are a very kind and responsible person but you’ve got some bullies doing this to you.

    don’t blame yourself for any of this. You don’t deserve to feel this badly. So what you need to do is treat yourself well! Because if you don’t, you’re the only one that’s going to suffer. None of those other people will feel like you do they just move on with their lives. That’s how those type of people are so if you give up your power to them, then they win!

    nobody should have to put up with that. You are not too sensitive. You are a normal person and getting bullied. They are the problem.

    you have a lot of value. You are a good person. Don’t take this out on yourself.

    I would really suggest that you speak with a counselor who can help you with this. You need to see the value of yourself. Look at how you were getting amazing feedback from customers! You must be doing something right! Please don’t devalue yourself.

    please get some support for this because it’s difficult going through this alone because we tend to overthink and think negatively.

    Because it happened at this job does not mean that it will happen at any other job. There are companies that do not tolerate this.

    You might start looking around for another job because sometimes a job just isn’t worth staying yet. Take baby steps. One day at a time and start looking around and you’re going to be OK. I left my job because the stress was just too much and it’s not worth losing our health and happiness over. You’re gonna be OK. Listen to some great self affirmations on YouTube. They really help you feel better about yourself and realize that you are a unique person who has a lot to offer this world! Sorry, so long, but I really wanted to emphasize all of this to you because it’s true. Take care of you. You matter.❤

    • laura23162
      laura23162 jan34534

      Edited

      Thank you so much for your reply - it has helped me so much. I have never posted anything like this before and I'm glad I reached out because your response has made me feel better ❤️

  • jan34534
    jan34534 laura23162

    Edited

    oh good! always remember that you are a unique, gifted and good person, and you deserve to be respected no matter who it is!

    In life, we are going to come across people who are just unkind, and we have to sometimes move on and let them go. A lot of people are unkind to others because they are not happy within themselves. stay strong within yourself to find some peace and joy. Even if it means another job. There are lots out there who treat their employees respectfully. ❤

    • laura23162
      laura23162 jan34534

      Edited

      I've been there 8 years and probably stayed 2 years too long! It makes you lose faith a bit, in people, when they act badly... and in yourself for putting up with it! Thank you you again for your words, I know I need to take another leap! I've made a few in my life and they always lead to new learning, and experiences (in the end!) just need to get over this bit and hopefully things will start to improve!!

  • sam18386
    sam18386 laura23162

    Edited

    hi Laura, what is with modern workplaces? i know how you feel as i left my job over 10 years ago because of what you're now describing. i don't quite know what to say other than search for something completely different. try anything else in the interim. you can't stay there the job won't have the same feel when you go back. it's a real shame that people are so crass, i think your management could do with a course in monitoring wellness at work and how to tackle workplace bullying. i just feel for you. care for yourself, put you at the top of your list of priorities. i hope you find something else, anything has to be better than what you have? i wish you luck and send you a virtual hug! 🙏🤞👎🌈💏

    • laura23162
      laura23162 sam18386

      Posted

      Thank you Sam, so many people seem to have had similar experiences at work. Still kind of dreading going in Monday and facing everyone but what's the worst that can happen!? I need to take back my power and stop giving it to people who do not have my best interests at heart - easier said than done but I must try! I have done a bit of job searching today and reaching out/connecting so fingers crossed something ideal crops up. Thanks for all your messages and virtual hugs makes me feel a little less alone in all this!

      Laura

    • sam18386
      sam18386 laura23162

      Posted

      bless you, i am glad you are looking elsewhere! to go back is brave, it will either prove you were right to be off then look elsewhere or it will show how strong you are. as i said i left my job as 1 person in particular was just not possible to work with. whatever you decide it's nobody else's business. you take care. 🤞🙏😁

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