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I am so insanely nervous.. Ive been making such progress (anxiety wise atleast) since seeing my therapist. Today i told him how ive began eating things that are bad for me (not alot, just to prove a slice of pizza wont give me an instant heart attack), along with how i went to the movies with my daughter for the first time in over a year. I never did because i needed a security blanket (being my mom and fiance), but i finally did it on my own.
Well now today he laid it on me that he wants me to start working out. Now i used to work out and love it. Did a mile 4 times a week and intense cardio. Now im terrified of having sex or going up the stairs quick, in fear my heart will just give out.. He said i can do it 15 minutes a day, he doesnt care what i do as long as it gets my heartrate escalated.
That terrifies me. I feel like i absolutely cannot have intercourse or jog because im not comfortable with this stage yet.. Is this something where i am just supposed to force myself to do it and get through it, or am i supposed to work on something else and come back to this goal?
I want so badly to be able to go back to how i used to be.. Having fun wherever and actually having intercourse with my fiance.. But at the same time i feel so close to succeeding that im almost terrified that because i do well, that something devastating will happen.
Thank you for reading this whole vent.
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