Worried about father-in-law
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Hi everyone,
I posted this elsewhere, but I realised it's probably best placed here.
We met up with my in-laws at the weekend and I came away thinking there isn't something right with my father in law. I immediately noticed that not only has he lost a fair bit of weight(still got a big tummy though) but his skin was extremely yellow. We haven't seen him or his wife since back end of Feb and last time I saw him he didn't look like this. He's only 59 and he's always been a stocky man with broad shoulders.
When I saw him on Saturday, his face was gaunt and his shoulders looked almost bony.
But I was struck by the colour of his yellow skin. He works outside pretty much all the time and in summer he has a tan, but never yellow!
I didn't say anything as my children were with us and I didn't feel I could, given that it was the first time we've seen each other since before lockdown.
I spoke with hubby when we got home and he said he didn't notice his dad's skin colour but he did think his dad has lost weight.
He has always been a big drinker, got to be 40+ years, he can't pass a pub without going in and he never has just one. And we have had issues with him drinking and telling lies, drink driving etc (that's another story!) His first wife, hubby's mum, left him because of his drinking. My husband lived with him from age 14 and he only remembers his dad being in the pub when he wasn't at work. His dad even took money of him so he could go for a drink. And that's happened right up to recently. I put a stop to it when I found out that when my husband was meeting his dad at the pub, he'd turn up and his dad was already half cut and asking him to give him money for more drink!
My husband thinks if he's not drinking in pubs anymore, due to current situation, then he should be OK?? Surely if he's stopped drinking so much he should look better?? I know he's s more likely to be drinking harder stuff at home rather than pints in a pub.
I know yellow skin is connected to problems with the liver and pancreas?
I guess I'm wondering if there could be another explanation and that I'm probably imaging the worst case scenario?
But I can't see how someone who has drank heavily for all those years could possibly be unscathed?
Should I say something to his wife? Maybe she doesn't see how he looks as she is with him all the time? Her first husband was an alcoholic, he died after walking home from the pub one night and fell into a canal and drowned.
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Robin2015 jinnie1975
Edited
Hllo Jinnie. Uphill struggle and almost impossible for you to win. He will not live long and it is a miracle that he has liv ed for so long after 40 years of excessive drinking. Your husband has be convinced and you then confront him. Best of luck. Robin
jinnie1975 Robin2015
Edited
Thank you Robin, I real somewhat reassured that I'm not imagining things.
Husband spoke to his dad yesterday and gently mentioned that he'd noticed that his dad had lost weight. His dad replied that he'd not been drinking much at home. That could be true, but I highly doubt it and my husband isn't convinced either.
So, my husband to is going to see his dad this weekend.
His drinking has been particularly bad this last couple of years. He's been drink driving (was banned once 15 years ago) and there has been a couple of occasions he's come to look after our kids and he's clearly had a drink and drove here, we live 20 miles apart.
Then the pinnacle for my husband was when he got a phone call from his drunk dad one afternoon to say his mum, who lived in a care home, was seriously ill after a fall and had been rushed to hospital. Husband left work early and called his dad's wife, as he couldn't get hold of his dad, to find out that his grandma was ok. His dad's wife was very confused as to what was happening. His dad got home fairly late and had passed out in bed. Husband spoke to him the next day and his dad said he was lying and denied saying anything of the sort. Turns out that the day in question was his wife's birthday, he'd gone for a drink on his way home and couldn't prize himself away, stupidly thought he could make up some story to detract from him selfishness.
It seemed at the time that was a turning point, but things haven't changed.
Anyway, we shall see what occurs this weekend.
Thank you