Worried I may have had hiv for possibly a year now

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi I am so scared I have hiv. A year ago I began having sex with my boyfriend. I was a virgin, he was not, and had been with a considerable amount of girls before me. The naive me didn't even think of anything before I started having sex with him. We always used a condom except one did break once but we caught it soon after it broke. I did perform oral sex on him often and did not use a condom for this. We ended up breaking up and right after it ended I began freaking out that he gave me herpes or something I was convinced and so scared I ended up being put on anxiety medicine because I'd constantly look all the symptoms up and have them instantly even though I never had a breakout or fever or swollen lymph nodes I had leg pain and headaches and the bacterial vaginosis infection but I didn't know of the infection yet. I just was so scared and convinced I had it. I did at the same time though get diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection i had a back ache and cough and on the verge of bronchitis. I got tested and it was negative and I was negative for the other stds but hiv was not tested for. I did though have a bacterial infection and yeast infection that I battled with for about two months. I later had sex with one guy he performed oral on me but I did not on him. When we had sex we used a condom and that was the only time I had sex with him so I'm not really concerned he would have given me anything although there is always the risk. Then about 5 months ago I met back up with my ex and gave him oral again and he fingered me. I also always swallow with oral. He had slept with other girls since our last time but he was drunk and didn't really remember much he said. A few days after this I began having trouble with the bacterial vaginosis again and still do. But recently I've been really scared maybe all this time he had gave me hiv and I started looking it up and now I'm so scared. I always get dry skin on my hands but recently the palms of my hands have been so dry that they are peeling which I read is a symptom and I don't remember this really happening before. I have insomnia at night I just cannot sleep and when I do most nights I have nightmares that are awful. I get the reoccurring bacterial vaginosis. I read that nails can also change and I feel like my nails look slightly yellow tinted and my one little toe nail itches and hurts which could be candida or something. All of which I read are symptoms. And about four months ago I had a swollen lymph node that hurt under my right arm but it went away in a few days. Then two weeks ago after I got done running on the treadmill I felt another swollen lymph node under my left arm that hurt then it went away the next day. Then a week ago (so a week after the second one) my left underarm started to hurt very bad and swelled up so much it hurt to even put my arm down and the lymph nodes were swollen and my skin even slightly burned and they still are there, the swelling and pain has mainly went away but I can still feel four or five lymph nodes that look red under the skin. I haven't had a fever. But the lymph nodes have me convinced I have hiv and maybe in the beginning (a year ago at this point) when I had an upper respiratory infection it was really the ARS of Hiv. Or maybe the second time I just gave my ex unprotected oral he gave it to me. I'm going crazy. I got off my anxiety medicine months ago but now it's all back and I'm worried I'll have to get back on it but I'm even more worried I have hiv. Since yesterday I have had a dry mouth and tonight I was looking at my tounge and it looks like there is a whitish film on it I'm not sure if that is normal and on the very back of my tounge there is larger bumps that are not painful I touched them and they do not hurt but I've never looked to see if they are usually there but I don't think I've seen them before. Im worried it could be thrush which is another symptom. I also drank beer last night with some friends and my allergies just started acting up yesterday I've had some mucous and itchy eyes. Ive also been so fatigued for so long now. I usually work out every day and lately i dont even have the energy and i just dont feel like doing anything or have the desire. I can't focus on anything. It all just comes back to this. Does any of this sound like I have hiv? Any time and help is appreciated.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    I don't think you should be too worried constanly looking up symptoms is making you worry. Why not just go back to the doctor and get tested again for all sti's and hiv, then it can clear you mind of that worry. Maybe you can find a counsler or someone that you can talk to about your anxitey and try to ease your mind.
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  • Posted

    No it doesn't. Look if anything can be learned from this is practice safe sex until you know you are in a monogomous relationship.That means NO ORAL. You need to protect each other. Now, instead of obsesing about HIV go in and get tested. It is the only way to put your mind at ease. Please be careful and really selective next time. before I sleep with someone I always think to myself is she worth the risk. If the answer is yes then I will be intimate with her if no then I move on, but I always practice safe sex until we are both an item. You can see how much stress it has caused you. I don't think you have HIV because there are some important symptoms you left out and I am not going to fill you in as your mind will play tricks on you and you will think you have those as well. Please go get tested this will ease your mind and you will be able to sleep better. Remember in the future ask yourself is he worth sleeping with and if the answer is no then walk away, if yes then protection start to finish and no oral. It is the only way to be safe. I didn't follow that rule at first and now I have HPV. I had only three partners in my life now age 47 but managed to get HPV. I know someone who has cancer now from HPV infection, so HIV isn't the only thing that can kill. Take Care of yourself OK.
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    • Posted

      Okay so I went to the doctor today. He looked at my underarm where I had the swelling and felt around and instantly said i had a sebaceous cyst caused by a pore getting blocked and that had gotten infected which would cause so much pain and the surrounding lymph nodes to swell to fight the infection and it then went back down. I asked him youre sure thats a cyst and not a lymph node because there had been more they just went away about two days ago and he said he was sure it was a cyst. He said he was surprised that my body was able to fight it off and so called "shrink it" back down to a small size because usually people have to have these cut and removed or drained because their body can't fight it. So he said my immune system must be strong in order to do so. He asked if I had switched shaving creams or anything and I said I did switch from antiperspirant to deodorant and he said that can cause this. I did not mention my concern of hiv to him. He is my family doctor who I do not feel comfortable talking about my sex life with as I have known him since I was born. If needed I will go to another doctor I do not know to discuss hiv. But after all this do you think I have reason to worry about hiv? I have learned my lesson for sure and from now on will not even have any kind of sex until I know it is definitely safe. Thanks for taking the time to respond to me.  
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    • Posted

      That is good, that is why we go to the doctor before we start to worry. I had a cyst as well in my groin and to the untrained eye, namely me it looked like a lymph node, but it was a harmless cyst. I had it removed and I am still recovering from it as it has been slow to heal. Get it removed.
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  • Posted

    I appreciate the replies. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I'm terrified to go. But at this point there's nothing else I can do. I just don't know why my lymph nodes would be swelling like this if it isn't hiv related. I know anxiety gets me everytime and believe me I have learned my lesson.
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  • Posted

    Calm down, anxiety, go to the Dr, get tested for everything, even herpes, stop the sex, pray and feed urban mind and body with his word, text me if u need me
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  • Posted

    Hi first I think I should go get tested second stay of these sites they Are messing with your head well maybe I should have said first stop messing with this low life he will keep coming back as long as u let him and you went down on him and I know he been with other women sweetie he is no good for u sometimes the internet does more harm then good. And how did a Dr. Give u a prescription and did u even tell them that u thought u had hiv? Just get tested because I really think u have just talked yourself into your sick because you have only been with two ppl. I think that's what I saw and you don't really know your body I'm sorry I meant that you are not an expert on with sex being with two men so the best thing is to be safe and if u not marrying these men don't trust there words. Be safe and keep us posted or pls.just massage me I want to know if your okay.
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