worrying and worrying / stuck thoughts taking over my life

Posted , 1 user is following.

Basically I had this girl around a week before she was leaving to go travelling, we had a fun night and shared affection and nearly went the whole way ( if you understand what I mean) but didn't in the end. She then left and has now left the country and I feel regretful and at a loose end because I always thought that I'd be her first time and have fixated on this for a while even though I've never had feelings for her. Anyway the other week I went to this girls house to see if that would help me feel better about the situation, but the thought of regret was just playing over in my mind and I felt so nervous that I had to take a valium tablet so I could relax and perform. I now have no confidence and think that because I never went the whole way with this girl that it will forever be there in my head when I try not move on with other girls. I worry that I'm going to worry when I get in intimate situations with girls, when I never really use to, Can someone give me a better way to think about this situation, I don't know how to deal with it all, I know it sounds stupid but its literally ruining my life and I'm only 20

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Tom. The way I see it is you have done the right thing not going all the way. If your not going to see her again then sleeping with her would make things complicated. If your not going to see her again then try and forget about it and move on. When you meet a decent girl dont worry about the sex just enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other and everything else will come natural wink
    • Posted

      Thankyou for your comment! Yeah I guess that's true, she will be back in 6 months but I think by then she would have probably slept with people - she's a virgin you see and I thought I was going to be the one to take it from her and because we came close but didn't I can't get it out my head . The problem is that I don't know how to move on and forget it sad my brains tricking me into thinking that I need to do it before I can move on with my life so I'm stuck in a vicious circle. I just hope somehow my brain can get over it ( god knows how) hope to hear back from you Kelly x
    • Posted

      Your welcome. I think you need to rethinking this. If you take a girls viginity then moved on you are really going to hurt the girl. Are u still in contact with her while shes out there? Believe it or not I know someone whos been through exactly same as ypi are going through now. I think it was at least a year she was away for. He constantly licked his self and obsessed over who she might be sleeping with. She came home & it took a while but they got together. He was my husbands best man at our wedding in december and she was by his side. My advice would be if shes worth it then wait for her. Of u cant see you both together then move on and avpid hurting her.

      Kelly x

    • Posted

      She wanted to sleep with me before she went because on that night she said shall we give it a go but then left shortly afterwards.yeah we've spoke once and she said she's having a great time, whilst I'm at home in turmoil. Nothing seems to help me - and whatever I say to myself or do my head is always filled with torment and pain and stuck in the past- I'm only happy when I'm sleeping because being conscious and knowing that I can't get over something is too much to bare. I'm surprised someone you know has gone through something similar , I don't love her that's the weird thing, that's why I don't know why I feel so dreadful. I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do to feel atleast half alright? carrying on as normal hasn't worked

      Tom x

    • Posted

      Im no expert Tom but if you feel that way I suggest you try to keep in contact more. I know it will be expensive for her but maybe if you've both got access to Facebook, Skype or something like that that wont cost too much if shes got wifi. Talk more and a range tmeeting when she gets back to maybe finish what you started. I dont know you or this girl but I do know love & with the way you feel I suspect you do love her.....you just dont know it yet wink

      Kelly x

    • Posted

      I don't know really - I do care for her but I don't think it's love - I think it's an obsession that's got out of control along with other worries in life .. Like the thing with her triggered off my anxiety and my minds saying that the only way I can get closure is if I'd taken her virginity. Which I won't be able to now because she will lose it abroad and I don't hAve sexual urges anymore anyway. I've never been in such a helpless state - do you think there is a way to get over it? Because I'm slowly losing the will to carry on much longer

      Tom x

    • Posted

      Yes I do. Ypu need to think positive inatead pv negative all the time. Positive thoughts will improve your mood. Maybe you need to speak to your GP?

      Kelly x

    • Posted

      ok I will try Kelly! it just seems like because it didn't happen and now I feel like this my minds telling me I need to take her virginity to feel adequate (although I doubt I will now). Before she came around I wasn't even bothered about taking her virginity - it was after she came around and we nearly got to that stage 
    • Posted

      .........of intercouse that started all this panick and worry off. So its weird that before we got close to doing it I wasn't bothered - but the fact that I could of and I didn't is whats escalated into this huge problem in my head. Its like my heads made it something that needs to be done otherwise I will always be thinking about it in the future. I will speak to my gp yes 

      tom x

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