Worst Anxiety Relapse I've had
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi all I really need to vent and write this down and I hope it helps.
I am currently in the throws of, arguably, my worst anxiety relapses of my life.
I am a 33y.o. male who deals with SEVERE health anxiety. I have dealt with it unmedicated nearly my entire life.
I just moved away from virtually all of my support for this condition for a new job and I am experiencing panic attacks on a daily basis.
My entire life I've been told I was fine and not dying but rarely had insurance to actually get checked (and diagnosed to boot) and things would just calm down after months of worry and "symptoms" subsiding.
I used to be a cig smoker and that is where A LOT of my anxiety stems from, although I feel like the amount of weed I smoke has done horrible things as well.. I was a pack a day smoker for about 2 years but smoked regularly for another 2 years and pretty much quick in 2010. Between 2010-2015 I'd be hard pressed to say I smoked even a pack collectively during that time. With my longest drought being 3 years without any tobacco.
I'd have a few random smokes during my last job (2018-2020) except there was a month where I did pick up smoking again due to a break up. And I just haven't felt the same since.
Lately my lower back has been giving me issues and I have pain near what I think are my kidneys when I reach for things or bend over. I wanted to blame it on me sleeping on a bad mattress/sofa bed as that was all my roommate at the time could supply me with. But I have been sleeping on a much larger actual bed for the past week and I feel like my symptoms have been getting worse and moving up to my middle and upper back. I am convinced that my poor health choices have finally come back to bite me just as I decided to get my life back on track. My new career has great benefits that don't kick in until next month but I am petrified that waiting that month will be a death sentence. Not that I would take the Dr.'s word that I was fine anyways. I am a wreck and don't know where my anxiety symptoms/physical symptoms start or stop. Hoping this missive will help ease something. Just somebody reading it may make a difference.
Thanks for listening. I could write more, but the length of this has probably turned everyone off already.
Thanks again.
0 likes, 5 replies
jan34534 niko22
Posted
waiting another month isn’t going to make a difference. It’s not that far off. Remember when we have health anxiety, that actually puts negative thoughts into our mind. those random scary thoughts are not based on fact or reality. They are not a part of you so you can let them go.
Back issues are one of the most common physical complaints in the world. The vast majority of people have some kind of a back problem or pain in their lifetime.It could actually be the result of what you were sleeping on. It takes a while for back pain and soreness to resolve. there are many more non-serious possibilities as to why your back feels the way it does.
just keep yourself busy between now and your appointment. You’re going to be OK. Maybe get some counseling for your health anxiety. It helps to talk to somebody else. Take care
niko22 jan34534
Posted
I really appreciate the assurance!
Once my mind goes to that place, it is a long journey back.
As I said, my insurance kicks in next month and I am going to be darting to the Doctor when it does. I also opted into a package that gives extra help for mental disorders as well because I would really love to get this anxiety taken care of. So tired of losing my mind and getting worked up to the point of vomiting.
Again, I really appreciate the kind words, sometimes just seeing those help ease the panic attacks that come on.
sarah73788 niko22
Posted
Hello. I have had health anxiety for over 30 years, so I know where you are coming from. I don't think its a coincidence that you are in crisis since you have moved. Without even realizing the stress of it has over flowed resulting in a "crisis". Take advantage of any and all virtual forms of therapy and any that your insurance offers you. You will get through this and come out the other side.
jessica0893 niko22
Posted
100% moving stress. Heck, I moved back towards my support system and still experienced a little anxiety relapse myself.
Stress causes whole body tension, and tension causes back pain, head aches - you name it.
A new job is a huge stresser for anyone. Let alone moving to a new area away from everything and everyone that made you feel safe from whatever triggered your anxiety.
Just remember you have good days ahead. You're probably not dying. And keep coming back here to talk it out.
I would also recommend speaking to your doctor about escitalopram or something like it. Non addictive SSRI. It's a maintenance medication targeted to those with depression. It doesn't knock you out cold. It gives you a chance to re-teach your brain how to not be anxious again- teach yourself how to rationalize again. Then you can slowly stop taking it at a doctor recommended wean once you've learned to rationalize your aches and pains. It saved me after dealing with major health anxiety unmedicated for YEARS. Like, I don't feel like I need to start digging my own grave every time my pinky finger tingles any more. I still have bad days, but way more good than bad- I call that a win.
oh and therapy. lots of therapy. it works.
good luck, my friend.
jack15164 niko22
Edited
Hi Niko,
I am also dealing with a relapse of extreme health anxiety. I've had some tests done and of course things are fine but nonetheless cant get rid of that feeling which is torture. I'd definitely recommend to start researching what Dr. you want to see, preferably someone that is understanding and can talk you through your worries and set up the right tests. That way you can also call and set up an appointment once your insurance starts vs. possibly waiting additional time since some doctors can be weeks out for new patients.