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Worst bout of anxiety ever

Posted , 5 users are following.

Christi53
Christi53

Ive suffered with anxiety for many years, my biggest problem is health anxiety. I thought I had been at my worst on other occasions but this time it's hit me harder than ever. I have a huge issue with medical tests, not actually having the tests done but waiting for the results afterwards. I literally fall to pieces, I can't eat or sleep and convince myself that the outcome will be bad. I used to go to the gp all the time as the reassurance I got was brilliant for a while, that is before the next symptom came along. Now, for some reason, I have changed completely. I won't go to the gp for anything, I've now taken to sticking my head in the sand and hoping it goes away.

I'm 64 and, up until 3 years ago, I'd never had a mammogram. I only went then because my daughter practically forced me into it. I don't know how I got through the 3 weeks waiting for the results. I was either getting myself into a complete state or walking round like a zombie. I couldn't believe it when the results finally came back clear, the relief was enormous.

Anyway, here we are 3 years later and my appointment has come through for the next mammogram. I am absolutely petrified. What has made it worse is that I have developed a rash at the top of my arms over the last 3 months. I've been ignoring it but it's now spread across my chest and back. Because the mammogram is playing on my mind I convinced myself that the rash is a gin of something really bad. I made myself go to the gp yesterday and she says she thinks it might be a reaction to blood pressure medication I take. I find that hard to believe as I've been on it for 3 years. Then she said she wanted me to take a different medication but I had to have a blood test first to check my kidney function. She said it needed to be done within a week. The receptionist said there was nothing available for 3 weeks so she phoned through to the gp and she said to ask the nurse to squeeze me in today. So now I'm wondering why was it so urgent. I've had the blood test done and now have to go through the agony of waiting for the results. What if something else shows up in it.

ive got myself in such a state over the last few days that things don't even feel real anymore. I can't get the upcoming mammogram out of my mind and what will happen if something shows up on it. My family don't understand the way I am and I feel very alone at the moment.

sorry for the novel, didn't mean to write so much. Thanks to anyone who manages to read it all.

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

  • marleen85993
    marleen85993 Christi53

    Posted

    Hi Christi you were squeezed in for the blood test as the doctor needs the results so she can change your blood pressure medication.That is just standard.The mammogram again is just a precaution.What you really need to address is your health anxiety which is the problem.Go to your doctor and ask to be referred to a therapist to help you get over your anxiety.Learn relaxation techniques which you will find on YouTube.Practice breathing techniques several times a day.Get the help you need.
    • Christi53
      Christi53 marleen85993

      Posted

      Hi marleen, thank you for replying. I know that I really need help with my health anxiety. I have had group and individual CBT for anxiety and the therapist I saw on my own did spend some time specifically dealing with that particular issue. It seemed to help a bit while I was actually having the therapy but, when it finished, I found it really hard to put what I had learnt into practice. This is such a long standing issue in my life, it started when I was very young and I'm sure stems from my dad's attitude to illness. It's never meeting anyone else who feels similar that's hard. Thank you for your advice, it's much appreciated. Christi x

    • marleen85993
      marleen85993 Christi53

      Posted

      Hi Christi l have had CBT therapy and l found it useless.l think mindfulness may be a better one to practice.You Tube is a good place to look also there are a lot of mindfulness books.Give it a go or perhaps ask for a refresher course of CBT.
  • lily56612
    lily56612 Christi53

    Posted

    Hi Christie.  I can relate to how you feel. I am also the wrong side of sixty and have the same problem as you. Half of me wants the reassurance of going to GP but the other half is petrified of what the outcome will be. I suffer with health anxiety, which is not improving with age either !!! Do you feel physically unwell when you get worked up about things ?? I do and its worrying me a bit, Feeling physically unwell with the anxiety is fuelling my health anxiety. Ugh its a nightmare isn't it ?  Lily x

    • Christi53
      Christi53 lily56612

      Posted

      hi lily, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I'm so sorry that you suffer with the same issues, you're the first person I've ever heard from that understands the way I feel. I feel very physically unwell when my anxiety is bad and then it's a vicious circle, first the anxiety then feeling unwell which in turn escalates the anxiety. You're right lily, it's an absolute nightmare. I've got myself in such a high state of anxiety that things don't feel real, sort of like being in a dream, it's horrible and very scary. I'm not a good sleeper anyway but I think I managed about 2 hours last night and am exhausted. I really appreciate your message, thank you. Christi x

  • Guest
    Guest Christi53

    Posted

    I am an anxiety sufferer myself and understand your worries. I can tell you a great piece of advice someone gave me. If they find something on a test, you just take care of it and get treated. Wouldn't you rather be under care and get better if there was something , than just worry of the unknown. That alone will make anyone go crazy.

    Chances are you are fine, but if there was an issue, just get it treated. Taking me a while to think that way myself, but it's very true.

    • Christi53
      Christi53 Guest

      Posted

      hi Jay, thanks for your message. The advice you were given sounds perfectly logical and I really wish that I could look at it that way. It's so hard to explain exactly how I feel. It probably sounds stupid to others but somehow I've got into a way of thinking that says 'if they found something bad in one of my medical tests but it was found in time to treat it then I think I could deal with it'. However 'If something came up and it was found too late I would rather not know than live with a ticking time bomb'. Somehow I need to change my pattern of thought. I appreciate you taking the time to reply, thank you. Christi x

  • mimibrenda
    mimibrenda Christi53

    Posted

    Hi Christi, I am sorry you are suffering. You are now with a group who fully understands what you are going through. You gp probably fit you in quickly because he/she is aware of your anxiety. I wish I could say something to help you feel better. Just keep talking on here; it will help.

     

    • Christi53
      Christi53 mimibrenda

      Posted

      Hi mimibrenda, thank you so much for saying that people here will understand, I'm feeling so alone at the moment. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Christi x

  • lily56612
    lily56612 Christi53

    Posted

    Hi Christi.  I so relate to you saying you feel in a dream like state sometimes. I have this too and you are right it is very scary.  I was chatting to my sister today and felt as if I was on another planet, Strange feeling.  I had a very bad anxiety attack yesterday so am wondering if it the after effects of that, I feel as if I could sleep for a month. Tired heavy eyes too. Do you get this ? I just want to feel myself again. So fed up with it now.  Lily xx
    • Christi53
      Christi53 lily56612

      Posted

      hi lily, sorry to hear you had a bad anxiety attack yesterday, it's so awful isn't it. My eyes are heavy all the time and I always look tired. Lack of sleep definitely not helping. I know what you mean, I'm very fed up with it all. Christi x

  • Christi53
    Christi53

    Posted

    Anxiety almost unbearable. Mammogram appointment getting closer and blood test results will be back this week. I'm falling apart 😥

    • Guest
      Guest Christi53

      Posted

      Just go with the flow, nothing that can't be treated if something is wrong.. which I'm

      Sure your fine- just relax!

  • lily56612
    lily56612 Christi53

    Posted

    Hi Christi.  Just a little help from me again.  Check out Hugo Rock website.  Luv Lily x
    • Christi53
      Christi53 lily56612

      Posted

      Thank you so much Lily. I'd never heard of this man but I've just been reading his site and what he says makes so much sense. I've bookmarked it so that I can carry on reading it.

      I hope you're doing ok.

      Christi x

    • lily56612
      lily56612 Christi53

      Posted

      I found his website very helpful too Christi.  Lots of info on there which as you say, does make sense and I am trying very hard to put his tips into practice.  Its not easy, but I am determined to carry on trying cos medication is not for me. Baby steps, as the saying goes !!! Take care Lily x
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