Wrong time to withdraw but scared to ever wean off.

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Sorry to post again, I did before Christmas.

Long story short, 3 years ago I was put on Mirtazapine as i was struggling with insomnia after the loss of my nan and my brother had a break down and attacked me which led to severe anxiety and post traumatic stress. I lost my mother and sisters as i refused to forgive him, so I lost all my family in a short space of time. I became anxious and agoraphobic. After 6 months my GP prescribed Mirtazapine in May 2013. I didn't want to take it but was desperate. I agreed and took 7.5mg until December. Then my sister got in touch hurling abuse at me for not forgiving my brother, my anxiety rocketed so GP said to go up to the 15mg. I did and felt a little better. I was sleeping and able to eat again so it felt worth staying on the mirt. 

One thing I noticed was I was having odd thoughts, what if I hurt myself or my family, odd thoughts I'd never had before, I saw my GP and he said that was the high anxiety and over time they did calm down but I always worried it was due to Mirtazapine. I never had suicidal thoughts as such more fears of what if i died etc.. I also developed phobias and social phobia, blood test phobia became a big issue for me. Things I'd never feared before. I was again told all to do with my anxiety disorder. Mirt continued to help me eat and sleep, and my husband said I was so much more relaxed.

August 2015 after 2 years on Mirt I started feeling fatigued, thyroid was borderline underactive so just told they'd monitor it every 6 months. November 2015 my son became crippled by panic attacks and felt suicidal due to severe bullying, my daughter was rushed into hospital ill and suddenly my fatigue worsened which my GP said was due to shock and stress. I had to help my son as the mental health team wouldn't offer support other than a waiting list for therapy. It was a horrific 3 months and during that time my fatigue became so bad I couldn't walk and was bed ridden. My GP came out to see me, ran a lot of blood tests and said it was stress and again another trauma. 

I never recovered from that time, my son went on to be well, my daughter was fine but all of last year was difficult. I had energy crashes if i over did housework, went out for the day or a simple trip to the shops, I'd end up so fatigued my legs would go weak and I'd have to rest in bed the next day. My GP diagnosed chronic fatigue. In January, March and May of last year my thyroid was tested and my TSH shot up from 6 in January to 9 by May, then I was put on thyroxine. My TSH is now 2.6 and much better yet I am still unwell. 

My GP ran a lot of blood tests in November and nothing flagged up, all very good and he tested almost anything he could. I am told my fatigue is due to chronic fatigue and an underactive thyroid. For a year I have struggled with fatigue that i have to pace myself, my agoraphobia returned which had gone after a year of therapy after my brother attacked me. My anxiety returned too this last year all due to how unwell I have felt. My husband has been amazing and supports me, lets me rest at night once he is home, he and my children have been an amazing support this last year. It's been hard for us all me being chronically ill. My husband takes the children to all the appointments they need and I feel I am letting them all down being so fatigued adn unwell. 

I did started to feel a little better once on the 50mg of thyroxine, my anxiety lessened, i was out walking my dog daily again and going to shops a few nights a week with hubby. I felt I was getting my life back then 3 weeks before Christmas I had an anxiety attack and I spiraled back into deep anxiety and with it felt some depression, my issue has usually been anxiety but depression can hit if my anxiety becomes severe. 

I knew it was back because Christmas is a tough time for me since what happened with my extended family as I know my mother and sisters will insist on visiting to see my children. All last year every birthday I'd be terrified having to have my mother and sisters visit but I tolerated it fo rmy children, my friends would say why do you allow them to visit if they cause you so much fear? but I would so the children saw their grandmother and cousins. Id' crash for days after seeing my mum, I'd be so weak and fatigued I'd feel ill. My GP said stress also caused my huge energy crashes and it still continues to. So Christmas I knew my anxiety was there due to having to see family. I was scared I'd see them and crash energy wise so close to Christmas.It caused me daily anxiety with fear of seeing them I made myself ill with anxiety and with that ever since CHristmas I have been struggling with fatigue again, weak thighs daily that won't ease and again back to easily crashing. Yesterday we went to the duck pond with our children and 1 small shop. I came home feeling tired, had a quick shower and then fatigue hit bad and today I feel weak and drained. So there goes my anxiety again worrying what's wrong with me, why at 37 am I like this, what if it's something been misssed etc...

I have now started to worry if Mirtazapine is causing this, my GP and husband say it wouldnt and I have chronic faitgue due to having post traumatic stress and a thyroid illness but I am struggling to accept it. I wanted to wean off Mirt but read some awful stories of withdrawing, nothing positive which has scared me I will be on this forever. I know my GP is right and right now while I adapt to having a chronic illness it's not a good time to withdraw. When I look back to how anxious and terrified I was after I was attacked and how severe my anxiety was I can see now I am relaxed and laid back. I still have some abnormal thoughts but they no longer scare me and they are just there out of habit from when I used to freak out for having them. I jsut worry it's caused my phobias etc but again i am told the agoraphobia, loss of confidence, social phobia etc has all come from having an anxiety disorder and post traumatic stress.

Am i doing right to stay on them? I am now a health weight (I was a painful 84lbs before Mirtazapine, almost all my adult life) I sleep so well but daily I feel so weak in my legs, tired all the time, dizzy head....like a zombie and it causes me anxiety attacks. I always worry it's made my health issues worse but it's so hard to know when you have stress, anxiety and an underactive thyroid. I feel confused about what to do for the best. I am coming through the latest anxiety setback after Christmas set me back so why am I putting myself under pressure to come off. I think it's because it's coming up to 4 years on them and I fear i should have stopped them by now and not been on them for such a long time.

Sorry to post again.

Thank you

Julie

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey hun.

    I think ive read some of youre posts before.

    I do believe the chronic fatigue and underactive thyroid would cause most of this but i too have m.e/chronic fatigue i had it 6 years ago to the point i couldnt get out if bed. The stress of my breakup eventually caught up with me and the realisation id walked out and had 3 boys to look after on my own was the definate cause my body just shut down. Ive had a relapse cause this time by a delayed shock after my mum dying. I have been off work now twice in the last year and a half both long spells and last dec was put on mirt.

    I actually do think that this drug causes severe problems with people with chronic fatigue probably due to the sedative effect.

    It has made me a total recluse unable to go to the shop without panicking and i have awful stomach issues with it but coming off is certainly much harder than anything i could have imagined.

    Im pretty sure herion addicts have an easier ride coming off that stuff!

    Youve had a terrible time. You seem to have a lovely supporting husband and hes willing to do things so just take baby steps do what you can but dont overdo it because you feel ok vecause the next day you will suffer. X

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    • Posted

      I m on 45mg and feel dreadful. I plan to start dropping 15mg every 6 weeks. Alternate 45mg and 37.5mg for 2 weeks. Then 37.5mg for 2 weeks then alternate 37.5mg and 30mg for 2 weeks then hold for a bit.

      I am also on venlaflaxine which I think is helping. I have an 11 month old son.

      I was a heroin addict so I ll let you know if it is as bad. I ve heard only 1 in 5 people get withdrawal symptoms from mirtazapine and know many who have not. Luck of the draw.

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    • Posted

      Hi hun

      Ive heard a lot of ex addicts say that the withdrawl lasted 6 weeks of hell but that was it. This awful drug seems to take months! Thats if you can get off it . I went back on because i felt i had no alternative as i am suoer sensitive to any ads tried them all and the withdrawl had me hospitalised for a week i was so malnourished and dehydrated with the stomach pains. Im on around 9mg of the tablet now and that been about 2 months so next step 7.5mg for at least a month. It seems to be once you get to 7 5mg its harder. But i know i cant go on like this anymore. I dont have any life other than seeing my kids and four walls. Youre right some people have a much easier time and tolerate the drug withdrawl easier.

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  • Posted

    Hi , i took Mirt 15 - 30 mg for 5weeks after getting clean from heroin, it helped with sleep for a while but then I got the Night Sweats so I stopped them, I'm currently on week 11 and I've had every ailment other than itching and my Anxiety is through the roof,

    I lost my other half 8 years ago, I have two kids, one's away from home at university and my others staying at my mums because of this and my not coping, I'm alone so I'm scared but part of me's glad because I get to fall apart with my dignity,

    I keep going through my situation as if I'm a third party, I'm not believing this has happened and I keep hoping I'll get well again. If this had happened without me taking the a/d I'd of freaked out, I've just had another anxiety attack and I'm terrified that this is now how I am, I want to believe none of this has happened but it has and my family know what's happened but they can't cope with it, who would know how to.

    I've not heard from anyone saying it's been 5/6 months and I'm now ok.

    The thought of my life being over when I've only just tried to turn it around really makes me feel ill on top of everything else,

    The only thing stopping me from getting hospital treatment is the thought of being put on on a psy ward with them wanting to give me all sorts of wacky tablets that I'd never get my life back from,

    I must hold on and turn this around, I don't want to lose myself, sorry for all the doom and gloom, I wish that would leave me

    I hope we all get better.

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    • Posted

      Well done you on getting clean. This is all you meed now isnt it. Im exactly the sam i feel like im talking about a third oerson and wake uo every day wondering whose body im in as its not mine! Im not even off the drug! This is being on it. Its consumed every part of my life and who i was. Ive litererally given up thinking i will ever get any sort of life back. I cannot leave the house and do anything!
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    • Posted

      Hi Kelly and thanks, whenever I get the w/d's and the Anxiety gets bad I read up on the facts, it makes me realise I've just had another attack that's all, read mental health Daily on Mirtazapine, it's a long scroll down but it's so worth it

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  • Posted

    Hi Julie, you have a lot on your plate but I do think the Mirt's has added to your ailments, just the Mirt withdrawals alone is to much to bear,I wouldn't be able to move forward from all that your dealing with if I didn't get rid of the Mirt withdrawals first.

    I'm not a doctor but that is my opinion.

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    • Posted

      Hi all

      update - now into 13th week from last mirt.  Only took for 9 weeks.  Am starting to have small windows of feeling myself.  Like you Vikki I think I will never return to normal.  Don't think my stomach will ever recover.  Week by week I edge forward.  Anxiety nearly all day.  Do you have flashbacks of the terrible time on mirt, this seems to be one of my problems which causes more anxiety.  All I can hope for is that things keep moving forward even at a snails pace.  Will keep posting.  My thoughts are with you all.

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