Yesterday was the first day...today I'm very scared to go on with this medication

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Hello everyone! I'm new to this site and I'm just at a loss of words with Prozac and feel so defeated. I'm starring at this bottle thinking of flushing it all down the toilet or to continue going through the storm, unsure when things will finally feel better. I'm sorry but I can tell this is already gonna be a long one.

Back track a little bit to my history....I didn't necessarily grow up with the best family relations but my sweet mother did everything she possibly could to maintain my stability and happiness. Ever since I could remember, my father was always a very angry man and would abuse my mother and I verbally and physically for years, we became his at-home punching bag for no reason. It definitely took a toll on me, especially once I got a little bit older (15) I tried to commit suicide. I lied to my friends and teachers why I had all these cuts and bruises, but I know they started catching on; someone doesn't trip down a flight of stairs every week now. My resentment with my father grew and grew and at the age of 17 I started fighting back to protect my mother as well as myself, but let's face it, he had a 100lb weight advantage and a foot height advantage and I would always end up on the floor being pinned and getting punched repeatedly. Those years were hell to me. I can ramble on and on but fast -forward I finally turned 18 and I moved out and got my own place in a different state and started supporting myself independently. I told my mother to please call me if anything happened to her I would be there as soon as possible, but suprisingly I guess he got the memo and thankfully he stopped beating my mom once I left. I believe when I moved and started having to do things on my own and being able to pay for things by myself gave me this self confidence and a booster in motivation to do the things and pursue my dreams and passions. That's the one amazing thing about it all, during all the madness I still knew that I wanted to be an artist and was going to make sure I made it! The transistion was hard yet interesting, I was very social which surprises me because nowadays it's very hard for me to even make a friend without having heart palpitations and stuttering out of control. When I turned 20 that's when things really went sour. I don't know what happened to me, but something in my brain just turned off. I had no motivation, no desires, ignored calls(due to fear), dropped out of college, I was beginning to have panic attacks and couldn't leave my house...ever. I barely worked due to just having to fight off my panic attacks and had to call out a bunch of times but eventually(which even that took me an hour-2 hour pep talk to do so) I just had to show up in order to pay for my bills, but that was the worst when I would have extreme panic attacks at work and my employers were not very understanding and said I made the team look bad so I got let go not too long after. For the next 3 years I continued this cycle, never left my house, couldn't even call the delivery guy to get food because I didn't want him to look at me, couldn't go anywhere in public without having some form of meltdown or panic attack. I felt so alone, so paranoid, so anxious, and just wanted to sleep my life away. Finally 4 months ago I took the initiative and reached out for help, it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. This clinic saved my life. They set me up with weekly therapy sessions and monthly doctor visits and my doctor prescribed me to 1mg klonopin 3x a day(take 1.5 on a daily basis) and my therapy sessions were helping me tackle my fears and I started to finally go out and do things...on my own! I felt like I was becoming myself again, my anxiety was there on occasion but it didn't stop me like before. I got a new job, a great job that I enjoy, enrolled back in school, got a cat hehe, met a wonderful man who is now my boyfriend and so supportive and understanding and most of all, I felt my passions coming back to me. I started painting again for the first time in years, took new hobbies and learned to surf and play the guitar, I kept myself busy and was beginning to feel happy again.

Yesterday, my doctor prescribed me to 20mg Prozac. I was very scared mainly reading the side effects and how many people didn't like it or felt strange the first couple of weeks and finally by the 2nd month things started looking up. I was hesitant, but I took 1 pill and oh boy....the first three hours I felt OK, just very apathetic, very numb, just blah. The next couple hours afterwards was hell!! And I had work too that evening! I tried to lay in bed before work but holy moly I felt so much worse, worse than ever before. My anxiety was through the roof, I was sweating profusely and couldn't form sentences properly...I couldn't remember things or maneuver properly and felt so strange in my body. I had this feeling of just having some squishing my head so hard and a huge weight on top of my head. Then out of nowhere I couldn't stop crying, for hours I just was in no control of my body and let's just say work did not go smoothly at all yesterday. I had to take 3mg of klonopin just to stay okay and not have a panic attack and stop the crying. I finally went home and just cried all night and told myself I don't want to do this, I don't feel strong enough to continue with this medication if I finally see results by at least 8 weeks, but to go through that till then..... I was finally getting better and now I just felt like everything I progressed is spiraling down. I need your help, your input, anyone who faced the same feelings that I'm doing so now. I don't know when my silver lining is coming with this medication but as of now I just don't even want to take it. I know an SSRI is beneficial and helpful for me, but I just don't think this one is for me, after all those nasty side effects there was nothing that made me want to be like "alright let's do that again."

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  • Posted

    I went off my Prozac 8months ago I can't get back on it even ai small dose side effects nearly killed me My Dr said to keep taking it I'm afraid.

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    • Posted

      Me too, I'm very nervous. I went back to see my doctor today and he gave me a 10mg prescription today and said that this shouldn't give me any side effects like I was going through...but after that hell-ish day I don't even want to drop that script off. Maybe it's just not meant for me sad I just don't want to go through trial and error, my body is very sensitive

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  • Posted

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is so positive that you were able to reach out and get some help. I would speak to your gp about the side effects you had, they may suggest starting on a lower dose and building up slowly so your body has time to get used to the med. Good luck xx
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    • Posted

      Thank you for the positive feedback! I went back to my doctor this morning and explained to him that it was quite unbearable. He gave me a 10mg prescription but I'm too afraid to even drop it off....I have some thinking to do but my fear is really hindering me from giving this a go again.

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  • Posted

    U should start out at a low dose I started out at 2.5 on the 11th of August the first three days were hell but after that they got better little by little. Started 5mg two weeks ago and felt great but got my period last Sunday and started feeling bad so today I bumped it up 1/4 tab I feel better now just tired. Doc says 10mg will prolly be my does. Hang in there it's so worth it!!

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much Becky! I'm trying to hang in there, he gave me a 10mg prescription this morning and said that my side effects shouldn't be like the way they were but I'm just too nervous to even go through it again.

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  • Posted

    Hey. Thank you for sharing. I hope all is ok.

    Im on day 3 and apart from feeling fidgety Ive had no side effects. Im on Flu for anxiety chest pain. My doctor said 7 to 10 days. Hopefully things will stay positive. I have been keeping myself busy with work etc. Its worse when i have nothing to do.

    Hope you get sorted x

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your positive feedback! I went to my doctor this morning and he gave me a 10mg prescription but I'm just quite nervous...I have a very high demand job and need to be on my toes, but this medication just made that one day at work one of the worst experiences. Everyone was questioning me if I was okay or if I was on drugs....I never get that response so it made my anxiety sky rocket. I'm nervous to drop this script off, I don't know if this might be for me but the only way I can find out I guess is to try? Ughh this is very hard

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  • Posted

    Start on a lower dose 20mg seems kinda high to start on. When i was on it i didnt really get any side effects except for cotton mouth its when i stopped taking it is when it got bad so many side effects and it trippled my axiety. After 5 months of the withdrawal im starting to feel normal again, just make sure you dont just stop taking it tell ur doc, that was my mistake.
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  • Posted

    Can i ask if you were feeling better why did your dr put u on them??? Ill be honest the 1st 2 weeks are going to be hell... i was bed ridden but once you give the medication time to adjust it gets alot better and worth sticking it out x
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  • Posted

    If you're starting right away on 20 mg maybe it is too much for you and you need to start on 10 and work your way up. Or even 5 and work your way up. It took about 6 or 7 weeks . I experienced so muc. One day I wanted to kill myself. Almost the whole time I couldn't drive myself. I remember I took 2 weeks from work off. There were days I'd cry all day long. I'm starting to feel better but I'm still a bit scared to be alone. I had my family and boyfriend I live with to help me through it all. If I was alone who knows I may have wanted to just die . I'm not sure. But it was very bad but now things are fine and feel back to normal. Obviously I'll never feel normal I feel like I'm on medicine constantly but it helps me to be okay everyday. I also take Xanax. Xanax got me through most of my side effects so if you have kilonopin that'll help you get through some side effects I'm sure. I'd stick it out for a bit usually you don't see results for up to 6-8 weeks. Me it was almost three months where I felt completely better. And in still don't even feel complete but it's livable and I'm doing so much better than before. Stick it out. But if you don't see much happening then maybe you need different Meds. Like I said you may have to start out slow and work your way up. I know I took 20 mg the 2nd week and I was so depressed I went back down to 10. And now I only have to take 15mg. Let me know if you have any questions or need someone to talk to

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  • Posted

    Just the briefest of replies in support. I am in similar territory (switching from another drug to fluoxetine (By the way everyone - keep using this name = generic name that everyone can use -  and don't use trade name - Prozac).

    I can tell you objectively (tho when it comes to me these words coming from myself get forgotten), sufferers like us are a long way from being able to be objective about the effects of pils like these - I'm not saying that what you experienced is not the pill - be sure of that. The very state we are in (like yourself or me), makes us vulnerable psychologically to such a thing as introducing or changing drugs. It's quite possible, I think to panic ourselves into a state just like what these pills do.

    Doing it on your own is tough (I have't read your home situation - having friends or any support can help but for many of us there is just ourselves

    I do believe piils work - but not everyone - and for those who pills will work, they might find the 1st or 2nd one might not work, but the 3rd might. Those that pills work for may fall into the class of having a biological cause of depression or anxiety - but we still are in primitive times with knowing what's going on.

    Myself, I'm trying to fill my days with other things - finding the strength to do them can be hard, very very hard.

    I'm looking for supportive measures (as an addition to drugs). Whether it be psychotherapy, home stuff like mindfulness, relaxation, CBT (home/self administered or professional) etc.

    The set back you mention - you will have to accept that recovery is not a straight line - your descent probably was not a striaght line - nor will recovery. I thought I was doing the switch great but it's not so great now.

    Do try to find other things to do in your day to help rather than sitting around monitoring the pills - I know that's tough. Give yourself rewards for anything you do to help yourself.

    If you don't try the pills (which has to be your choice), you won't know if they can work. Tough option I know

    I wish you all the best M.

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  • Posted

    Oh yes, note that some people say `maybe' and other say `should'. Watch out (IMO) for hard advice. I know everyone is trying to help, but some people take paths that they believe in, but it may not be the path for you. If someone says `you should take X amount' be careful. It's patients/lay persons on this site giving advice, so read with caution, digest it, filter it. Remember that your more likely to find people writing who've had problems with a therapy, rather than successes. And nor am I saying that the doctors know it all either for sure!

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