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Hi, I was wondering if someone could help me. I am a 23 year old student, and I initially started taking Zops in 2013...so its been over 4 years
Please dont judge me, as what I am about to reveal may seem alarming. I am ashamed but I feel trapped and I feel like these pills have ruined my life. I want my freedom back
So basically I started to take these when I was around 18-19....I cant remember. I remember my grandad gave me a pill once when i couldnt sleep, and I remember feeling euphoric. So what I started to do, was pick his medications up for him and keep the zopiclone for myself. I know, I am so ashamed but I was young and stupid then. After college I began working and thats when i started taking them. Now Ive always been super shy and extremely insecure, and these seemed to have boosted my confidence. So guess what? I take them as soon as I wake up now. Otherwise I stay at home, trapped and isolated without them. I used to take 9, sometimes 5...sometimes 3. I cant remember, ive abused so many.
God what have I done. I couldve easily built up my confidence at work with the support of my coworkers. Now I am fully addicted. After leaving work I have attempted to study twice, but my memory is so bad because of these I cant study. This is my second year attempting to study Psychology. Noone knows about my addiction. I have also been buying them online, as the prescription only gives 30. I basically spend most of my loans on buying them online. Once last year I didnt have any on me for 2 weeks. My god, the withdrawal symptoms were so awful, I felt suicidal. Why did i mess with these? They are ruining my life. I think about the future it scares me. I cant talk to anyone If i dont take them. I cant leave thehouse without them. I want to pass my driving, I want to finish my education, i want to find someone to love, i want children and a successful career but these pills are stopping me from doing so. I cant live like this anymore i feel so trapped and I just want my freedom back. My grandad found out someone had been taking his tablets, and Im so ashamed i lied and said I had no idea. However the pharmacy recognise my face and know i pick them up for him. They dont realise I order double for a monthly repeat, one for him one for myself. But now theyve picked up on it. So now I am taking 2 a day, and I wont be going to the pharmacy anymore as i will get caught. I cant speak to my doctor because they know i pick my grandads pills as i sign them off. Ive tried to wean off them before but i relapsed because i was so depressed and I couldnt even leave the house. I have no siblings and its just me, my parents have always been too busy fighting they have there own problems. From young, ive seen nothing but violence, too busy fighting to ever spend time with me or take me out to social places. I have no friends either.
I have an exam soon and revising whilst on these is so hard. I beg anyone not to touch these tablets, they have ruined my life and i dont know what to do. Its that bad, i have to take one as soon as i get up, in order to be motivated to brush my teeth wash my face and communicate.
Please someone, tell me what can i do? Where can i recieve help from. I feel so lonely and trapped. I want these out of my system for good so I can live my life like normal 20+ year olds do. I beg for forgiveness from God everyday and confide in him. But my confidence and self esteem is so bad I always feel like someone is watching me if i dont take them, even in my house.
I would be so grateful to hear stories or some kind of support. I wish you all nothing but happiness and good health. I found my happiness through zopiclone, i hope you dont take my route
Thank you for reading
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