Zopiclone addiction and buying from abroad...Help sand advice needed please

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Hi. I've been.buying zopiclone from oversea s for about a year now. Doctors would never prescribe as I m an alcoholic in recovery (sober 2 years now). I m spending a fortune an take 1 and a half to 2 a night to sleep. I 've lost money through company's claiming they sell them and don't!!. I sometimes take half in the day if really stressed and really calms down. The thought of not having them terrifies me so I know I m addicted. I also take 45mg of mirtazapieni and 50mg of phenergen a night..really Don t know if the only person in the world that lives like this and I m so scared of any side effects if I tried to come off them. I still don't sleep properly and have hideous anxiety as soon as I wake up and can no never go bk to sleep. My partner has no clue I m on them and I dread the postman coming in case he answers the door so I m always there first. This is hell and I really really want to come off them but cannot cope with the no sleep at all and side effects. Please someone tell me they have similar experience?

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