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Thank you, that's kind to say xx

I’m struggling too to find any joy in my life, I started new meds about 6 weeks ago and really thought I would have picked up by now. I know when I’m better because I want to get up in the morning, take the dogs out and meet friends for coffee or pizza. I can’t remember when I last wanted to do these things. It’s a shame I only feel well when I’m on meds that work. And most of the time, they only work short term. It’s a horrible way of life and I often ask why me? Do you take meds dondons?

I know what you mean, yes I take meds, think I've probably been on every med possible over the years but take venefalxine at the moment. I used to see friends most weekends, this stopped around 2 years ago, ever since just been me and my babies. Trying/struggling...it's not life, I don't live I just exist ! 

How are you getting on with venlafaxine? Is it time for a change? I’m currently on Brintellix...I’m told it’s a good med, but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything to me. You have babies?? How old? I have dogs, 3 Cavalier King Charles. They mean everything to me. Are you in then UK? 

Honestly? I feel no different but am told I need to persist even though I've been taking them for around a year now.  I have 5 babies, I mean they're not all babies but are my babies. 18 yr old girl, 15 yr old boy, 9 year old boy and twin girls are 7. Yes I'm in uk xx

Wow, that is some persisting...a year! And wow! 5 babies. I have 1 who is 23 with her own babies. Tough being a parent with depression isn’t it? I just want to be well, to want to see them all the time, my illness makes me stay away from everyone. I’m missing so much in my life, I have so much to be thankful for but I just feel constantly flat and empty, that’s when I’m not crying or feeling so persistently low that I can not function. Your very lucky having your babies, bet you are a very loving mum.

I know how that feels, I felt the same when bringing up my daughter. The guilt I felt during her childhood, but she surprised me by saying I’d given her the best childhood ever and that she doesn’t recall me being tearful or crying. I remember telling her I suffered with depression when she was 16. The truth is, as mothers we do struggle with feelings of not being adequate but our children would not be better off without us...they simply love and accept us as we are. Your babies would never change you for anyone else.

Probably not so true with my babies, they've had to stay with my mum, my elder sister, they've seen me hospitalised a lot, mostly normal hospital but few times mental health hospital, they've had care from outside help, feel like my little ones have had to grow up before their time and all I want is for them to have a normal/good childhood 😢 Xx

I’m sorry you’ve had it so tough. Children are very resilient and you have had to do these things through no fault of your own. One day when they are older you can explain all this to them. It’s not your fault dondons. It sounds like you have a supportive family who can help at times. You didn’t choose to put your family through all this. 

And If you asked your babies what they thought of you, I wonder what they would say? You didn’t choose to suffer with a mental health illness

Yes they tell me all the time they love me, when they lived with my sister they kept asking when they could come back to me but the thing with little ones is they don't know what's best for them and they love me regardless...when they grow up they will realise how rubbish I was ! Xx 

When they grow up you can explain to them what was wrong with mummy and why they went to stay with their auntie. They will learn about mental health and how you struggled with yours. You did what you could, your best and are continuing to do your best. 

My 3. Younger babies have had people come round the house to try to explain to them about how I am and I felt that they explained it so well, they read my babies a story about a mouse...won't go into that but it was a good/explanatory story then my babies put points across that they wrote on a white board but although I felt they know a little more about it,they still don't know enough and they shouldn't! Not at their age ! They need to enjoy life 

And they do enjoy their life. Your children will learn more as they get older, and it really is the best way to learn and understand why mummy can’t do things sometimes. I know the book you are talking about. It sounds like the right people are in their lives and helping. As long as you always communicate with them and encourage them to do the same, they will be fine.

It's not fair on them and I'm not enough for them though x

Is it fair that you have a mental illness? No it isn’t fair on them, but Real life isn’t fair and children do learn that in time. As long as they have support and love, children get through the tough times. 

I hope I haven’t offended you in any way dondons. It sounds like you have had a very rough time. I hope you become well quickly. Xx

Haven't offended me, I'm sorry had a dillema with my eldest boy, he's home safe now xx 

Good to hear...I hope you have a more peaceful night. X

Just waiting on my eldest daughter then I can maybe try to sleep xx 

Blimey.."I’ve only just woken up...bacon sandwiches today I think. How’s you dondons?

I've had no sleep at all feel terrible!

Xx