"You're not depressed"... and so on

Posted , 4 users are following.

Coming here as often as I have been over the past few weeks, I've seen a lot of people with different problems but fundamentally can be linked to depression and anxiety; people complaining of physical symptoms, unable to cope at the minute and so on.

I became disillusioned last week whenever it seemed that the advice I was giving was less tailored to the individual and more "copy and paste from Word" - in other words, the mistake a lot of therapists make in assuming one size fits all. The feedback I received from people was positive and I'm glad that whatever advice I gave to help you cope with anxiety and/or depression was helpful but coming here every day, seeing new people, to give the same advice to, is just too time consuming for me when I have a life away from this website. I ask why I care when I gain no sense of reward from of it other than self-satisfaction, and I resent giving people the same advice time and time again when people and their problems deserve so much more - from me, from society, from the services.

I think, ultimately, when it comes to the depression aspect - everybody's problems are different and exceptional but what links those people is the fact that they come here, and because they come here, they aren't completely 'at the end'. They think they are but they aren't self aware that every second they spend talking on here, the less time they spend alone contemplating suicide, and if they were serious about their depression, they simply wouldn't be here talking. They would make no attempt to engage with anybody. They would do, as most animals do in the last throes of their lives, quietly shift somewhere else and perform whatever selfish act they wish on their own in their own company.

I think the fact people are here talking means their depression isn't really as severe as they might think, and that whatever force of inner strength brought them here to talk, is what those people who 'think' they're depressed should cling to as a means of getting out there and creating something for themselves.

Depression, fundamentally, is a form of grief related to the loss of self – we're confronted by a lot of sociological and cultural shifts that we've been forced to conform to but aren't what we've naturally evolved to accept.

Proof of that is in the fact that more people now than ever are diagnosed with depression; it's not about 'increased awareness' or the fact that 'depression didn't exist before; we just got on with it' – it's about the fact that we are simply reacting, naturally, to a cultural shift that is opposite to our being in a hunter gatherer sense/the need to build/to 'create'.

In this day and age, in our culture, most people are either worker ants or not, consumers working for whatever reason until we reach the age of retirement, and then just die, and if you start becoming self-aware of this, it can be immensely depressing to look at yourself, years before your planned retirement and say, “who am I?” and not be able to provide an answer.

Lifestyle changes, investing time in hobbies, doing things, being creative – that's what humans are good at. That's what we 'do'. When we lack that, we have nothing. When we sense we have nothing, we become depressed.

Create something for yourself to prevent the depression. Look inwards at what sense of fulfilment you lack. DO something about it.

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  • Posted

    here here!
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  • Posted

    this is so possitive well said! i have found sometimes when listening to peoples depression it drags me down! to the extent i start believing im depressed! well said! 
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    • Posted

      I think whenever I first came here, I came to divulge knowledge I'd learned through years of suffering from depression and anxiety; particular focus on alternatives to medication, breathing techniques and so on.

      These days, I've become so disillusioned by it to the point where it's almost forceful; the unhelpful attitude of, "oh just pull yourself together, will you!?"

      I've said the same thing to so many people on here it's not even funny. Uniformly, 100% positive feedback too - particularly with regards to the advice on anxiety. My job is done sort of thing.

      And yet I come back here after a period of absence and it just continues. I so, so, so hate giving people the same advice when advice like that I'm giving should be tailored to them and their needs, but then I think, actually, fundamentally, all of these people are having the same struggles. Life struggles.

      It's not about a mythical "chemical imbalance" - you are NOT suicidal. You just need to re-examine your purpose in life; work out what it is you enjoy and don't enjoy; what gives you a sense of achievement and do more of it; what gives you a sense of apathy and do less of it.

      And to think, nobody in their lives has said that - no GP, no therapist. It's "Oh I'm having side effects to medication and my chest hurts!" - Why are you even taking medication in the first place? Have you no tools or skills that you have developed, through life, to be able to help you in times of anxiety? Have you even tried alternative therapies BEFORE somebody suggests medication?

      I'm more shocked by people's ignorance towards themselves than anything else - that total and complete lack of self awareness. That's the real depression there; the inability to know oneself.

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    • Posted

      I think the problem I had was that I found myself trying to help others more, without any sense of reward (aside from self-satisfaction), than I was focusing on my own life, and in doing so fed the unhelpful addiction of wanting to 'care'.

      I mean, I can give as much advice on coping with depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and eating disorders as most therapists but it's just not my job, or my life, you know?

      Would be great to help everybody and I wish I could but there's just so many people out there who have 'that' problem that I just wish this thread could provide an answer to prevent them from thinking too deeply and ruminating over what their 'condition' is and doesn't help them with.

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    • Posted

      wow boing i can relate to this so much! i would try and help others with what i have learnt with no reward but feeling drained . its not my job im a normal lady dealing with the struggles of life! reading your post confirmed how i have been feeling! drained . sometimes you have to watch it doesnt rub off on us 
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  • Posted

    Ok but some therapists realise that each person is an individual so please do not generalise with this. Some have lots ofs qualifications but are naive and not streetwise and would never be any good. They vary just as each "patient" varies.
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  • Posted

    Well said but im afraid that can only help those who are only depressed but for those like me who have agoraphobia as well its not so easy making lifestyle changes and even those that might start yoga or buy an home gym or even work from home still wont help overcome the fact that were scared of going outside now personally i think me suffering from agoraphobia is stupid because i love been outside its just getting outside thats the problem.
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    • Posted

      Big mistake to assume you can help as much as a therapist. Very unlikely to be true. Take a bad therapist and then it may be true, but some are very good and not bad at all. And externalising is what many people who cannot sort themselves out do. Instead of recognising that they need more professional help and going out and getting it they prefer to think that they can help others and avoid their own issues by talking to others as though they know the answers. Have come across it many times.

      It is a case of the blind leading the blind very often.

      If you are not sorted you cannot sort out someone else.

      It would be like a person who has lots of debts and who cannot handle money advising you on how to save.

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    • Posted

      So you start a thread that says you know more than a therapist but nobody else is allowed to point out the flaw in this or have an opinion? That in itself shows you have a lot of issues.
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