17 months CLEAN today.... there is hope

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi all,

well some May say I'm not quite clean as I am on the synthetic opiate blocker ... SUBUTEX I am on 6 mg a day, I was on 18 mg and have got this down .

I ALMOST GAVE UP THOUGHT THIS IS MY LOT 15 years in. I was coming up to 40 and didn't want it to ruin my life anymore!!!

i can only say that I had enough the days the rattle the not getting. 

So I did a SRP course structured recovery programme 14 weeks going a few times a week along side with coming off heroin and meth.

I am NOT saying it's easy no way you need to want it and have a lot of help. It was hard the hot sweats the cold the restless legs the not sleeping is he sickness and sometimes the other end.

 Though 17 months on  Im sat here I never thought  I'd be off either methadone or heroin.

i just wanted to say I thought that was it like I said.. my lif is just starting again. Without that feeeling of why did I do this? Why am I on it? Why did I get addicted where's my next hit from. It feels good and I feel much freeer in my life.

someone said to m choose life. I did.

i have support but as the months go to on it becomes a distant memory feels strange.

If I can do it you can.

Just wanted to say I came out the other end.

if you've read this 

😊 

vicky

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  • Posted

    I ment if you read this 

    Thank you

    vicky

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  • Posted

    Well done! you are incredible, and you're right, so hard but so so worth it, you should be extra proud of yourself x

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    • Posted

      Thank you.....

      i don't  think I'm amazing but thank you, I see it as getting out of a horrendous mess I got myself in!!! The strength where that came from is AMAZING. A really low point in my life but I had it!!!

      blooming hard work dome dark days. The days are better now I'm not in hat trap! So horrible, ubarable. Not a lifestyle I wanted I don't think anyone does!!

      Thank you for your reply it means a lot 🙂

      Vicky xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Vicky

    Thank you for your honesty sweetheart!!

    I was on 1500mgs per day of Oxycontin by my GP. Enough to kill anyone plus a few horses!!!

    I've now been off of of it for a year so along with you, we are proof it can be done!!

    Good for you, keep up the hard work, I know I will!!

    God bless you & keep it up!!

    Ritchie xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Ritchie, thanks for the reply

      your journey sounds hard. A lot  of Medication!! A careless dr if you don't mind me saying!!!

      well done too you.

      WE ARE PROFF WE CAN TURN IT ROUND!!!

      yes I'll keep it up i never want to go back. I know I have to get off the rest of the subutex. My journey still continues but the end of it is so close.

      Keep it up too. Be proud I am. It's never too late!!

      take care

      vicky xxx

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  • Posted

    Thank you Vicky!

    We have both been let down by very careless Dr's that have destroyed both of our lives but, you are fighting back, so am I!!!!

    Good luck to you sweetheart, keep doing what you're doing, I will too!!!

    In this crazy world that really has gone crazy!! Good luck to you, keep doing exactly what you're doing, you can & will beat this Sweetheart, you've done so very well & come so very far!!!

    God Bless you Vicky xxx

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    • Posted

      You too!!!!!

      yep the worlds crazy and it  will get crazier wont it?

      im keeping my side of the street clean...a little saying I had from srp.

      take care now keep going I'll never go back there. Such a dark time

      thanks for your encouraging words.

      well done you too

      take care

      vicky 

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Vicky

    Just to say how great it is to hear your experiences with addiction and ongoing recovery. Your post can be a brilliant help to those struggling with addiction and especially your recovery. Like you I am on Subutex and have been for 17 years now. I was originally on 32mg daily and now I am on 14mg daily. I applaud your efforts to get your script down because I know how I have struggled to stay 'clean' and reduce my script. I actually believe that a maintenance script isn't an issue for me apart from the fact that being on a script does have a lot of drawbacks on getting on with your life. Anyway again I say it was great reading your post and keep on doing whatever it is that is keeping you 'clean'. 

    Craig

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    • Posted

      Hi there Craig

      Thank you for your reply!!

      you've come along way yourself well done too you !! you've done  14 mg is a massive reduction from the  32mgs !!!!

       I don't know how I did it really.... crazy what a life I was leading. 15years or there abouts!!

      The thing was I knew that in a year and 8 months I'd be 40. I  sort of made it a target.

      So I keep to my script  now and have done for the 17 months never took heroin or any opiates of any kind since 13 march 2016. As you know its a blocker. So I use it properly.

       Don't get me wrong I know how you can still use with them. I was on subutex a few years back and I didn't use them in the way I should have,  I still usedso I went back to methadone. Heroin still as well on top.

       So I stopped the heroin then weaned off the methadone. Did that rattle from HELL.  it wasn't as bad as I thought  it was horrible the cold sweats the sweating the, being sick having the S****s, not sleeping being irritable. I though well "I thought hey getting off it has never killed anyone" !! on it who knows I've lost my 2 closest friends so young to it. Lots more😔Too

      It's a huge thing life was blocked for so many years I could hide from what's happened in the past and other things. You stop you've no crutch  things I tried to burry are still here still there. I'm getting help with these things to now.

      I did find the going to the chemist trips a pain in the you know what but I pick up twice a week now. It not so bad.

      I have support if I need.

      well done too you.

      can I ask do you know what it will be like coming off the last 6mg?

      I can feel when my body needs this amount so I really don't know what to expect. Have I done the worst of it? Or is this toughest part??

      Maybe writing a discussion to people that are on the lower doses like you and I  and see how they have found it. I am always up for some good advice and any thoughts 

      Dont get me wrong I know it's going to be rough I'd be stupid to think otherwise, I will suffer withdrawal but I don't know to what extent.

      HEROIN IS SO POWERFULL ........AND ITS CRUEL!!!! I sopose you don't do a drug like that and think you would get off lightly.

      it can be done you are proff I am too

      wow long post..

      I wake up every day now thinking at least I wont be climbing the walls where to get the money who to get from and I live in a tiny town so it was 3 days at times. At leat I know I am  in control of this. this my life p.It's worth the withdrawal to wake up not feeling when will I be well. That's a massive thing.

      😊 thank you

      vicky 

       

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    • Posted

       Hi there

      i see My reply is bring moderated I did not swear or anything bad at all I wouldn't. I did however say about the rattle and gave another word for having diarrhoea lol.

      i was saying you've done so well yourself too.

      i know I'm still on a journey I worry about the last 6mgs.

      we are proff for sure.

      keep it up

      all the best

      i hope you do get my first reply.

      Thank you Craig means a lot to know others are doing it as well.  

      Vicky 🙂

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    • Posted

      Hi Vicky

      Excellent post which I relate to 100%. The main point for me was your 'fears' or expectations on getting off your script . All I can do is tell you my experience on reducing and bear in mind this is just me and everyone will differ in reducing. I went on to work as a support worker with drug/alcohol recovery so I also have some idea of how they coped. For me I was on 32mg for getting on 10years before I started a reduction. I came down from 32mg to 24 and then to 20 very quickly. I didn't have any problems and actually felt better for it however, getting down to 14mg was another story. I did feel unwell (this was 3 years ago approx) not withdrawals ...just nausea and depressed. But I did feel better after a couple of weeks. I then went down to 10mg but that was a big mistake so eventually went back to 16 and finally to 14 and I have been OK now for 2 years. I have hovered around and don't feel I could cope on a lower dose. Since that I have had lots of sessions with my Doc, CPN and support workers they are adamant that I don't need to reduce further until I am 100% ready. My honest feelings are that you will find it harder getting off that 6mg but I hate saying that to you because I don't want to risk knocking your determination. Obviously you know that you can reduce very slowly staying in control of your meds and not allowing anyone to push you. Again I say that we all had different habits ranging over different time periods and that has to be a factor. So sorry to bend your ear with all that. So keep on keeping on!

      Craig

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    • Posted

      Hi there Craig

      you've not bent my ear thank you for taking time to chat!!

        we've both been on different journeys but we can relate. 

      Yes I do think that that the last 6mgs are going to be hard. I went to my prescribing dr today I said there was no way I was reducing. I am on so many meds right now. That they are not right. I need to be in my he right frame of mind as well you know set out what will work. He is a bit pushy but I've come down 6mg  from last October I was on 12 mgs.

      I have to say I did a course a structured recovery course it was 14 weeks.

      They do tell you things you know but it was a massive help to me, it still is although I'm 400 miles away from where I did it!!!

      you are doing the right thing not to rush you will get there in your own time. Just like I will too.

      Lets keep it up🙂

      Vicky 

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  • Posted

    Hello! That is really amazing that you are now in recovery! Great job! I'm glad you feel as if your life is starting over again, because it sure is! I was addicted to heroin and dilaudid at one point in my life, so I can definitely relate. I went to detox a few months ago to get off of the dilaudid and Suboxone, and I went to detox years ago for heroin. I was in methadone for about six months many years ago. Some people *never* get off of methadone. I think it's tons better than having to cop heroin on the street all if the time, but some use it as a crutch. My main problem is crack cocaine right now, but that's another story. Keep up the great work. Support from other recovering addicts is key, and will help you with your new life. Thanks for the inspiration!

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    • Posted

      Hey there🙂

      Thanks for your reply, you've had a huge journey also by the sounds of it and you've tackled the subroxone. So youve  achieved a lot yourself.

      yes it was a huge crutch the biggest. It is!!

      Everyones different in the medicine they choose but for me.....15 years later I knew myself well enough to know how I can fold. So going on the subutex and sticking to it was the only way for me.

      you are right methadone helps it's helped me for years to keep a job going ect but I used on top. I lied to myself and thinking I'll stick to it it was all to easy and I had a partner on it as well. So really hard one wants to do when the other is strong then the other way. We did get off it together I thought but he was doing it behind my back!!! He was violent so I left after nearly 16 years with him.

       I keep to my script and think about the next reduction,  I do worry. I've still a way to go haven't I??

      hey you have had the time to write to me thanks.

      you say about your problem with crack, there's help you know that don't you??

      thank you 

      take care

      Vicky x

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