4 weeks on citalopram still crying a lot?

Hi P anxiety still there maybe not quite as bad. still really bad in the mornings though - woke up with an almighty adrenalin surge this morning!

mornings are always horrible aren't they! with the crazy anxiety x glad to see you are getting a little better though so that's really good x even if it's slow and minimal it's a lot better than no improvements.

the morning anxiety seems to be the last to go for a lot of people so once that starts getting a bit better you will know things are on the up!

thanks P - dont know about inprovements really. i think the side effects are lessening a little. the anxiety isnt quite as bad as it was a week ago (was just terrible then) but i still have it most of the time and im still not back to where i was before i started the meds so im not sure i would say there has been much benefit. 2 weeks today on 20mg, just over 4 altogether. not feeling very hopeful. how are you doing? any better?

I'm exactly the same as you. couldn't have described it better myself x

cant shake the detatched feeling sometimes and I hate that it causes more anxiety and then makes me worry about it more it's a vicious cycle x I'm still the same as before if there is any improvement it is very small and hardly noticable x just gotta keep going haven't we.

Hi guys, i am exactly the same really. Been on cit for 3 weeks now, Crying a lot and have horrible intrusive thoughts and that makes me feel even more anxious. Its like i am scared of everything and of myself. I was seeing some improvement a week ago had couple of good days. However past 3 days i feel horrible, anxious all day only with small glimpses of hope like for a minute or two. Its been so bad i spent almost all of these 3 weeks in bed particularly the first week. Even getting to a shower is a struggle. Feeling horrible even think that i dont want to live like this. The thoughts can be so dark that sometimes i am even embarrassed i have them or say it to anyone as scared people will think i am crazy. Anxiety and depression is horrible illness, i am literally suffering but i also know that this is the medication making me even worse as it is still adjusting. However i am thinking is it worth suffering this much or shall i try something different.

This is my second time on cit first time i worked so well and i came off about 7 months ago thinking i am all cured. Biggest mistake of my life as anxiety came back i freaked out and started taking the citalopram i had left over from last time as it was still good. Now i am thinking maybe i should not have taken the medication so quick but this surge of anxiety that i did not have for a long time really freaked me out. I finished the medication i had left over about 2 and half weeks worth and because i have moved countries here they could not prescribe the old brand of cit i was taking and i got a different brand of sit. And omg i am feeling back to square one after taking that different brand anxiety is trough the roof even worse than it was and i am back to having all the first week's initial side effects and it is hard to say if it is different brand of meds or a blip. I am definitely thinking it is the new brand of medication as i feel absolutely dreadful. Anyhow, guys i will go and try to see an actual psychiatrist for the first time tomorrow and will ask about these side effects and everything else. I will update you guys as well on what ever i will be told if you want as i see that you are in a similar situation as me. As the only doctor i was seeing is just the normal GP and to be honest they do not know that much about ADs.

Sorry for the long post.

Lala

dont apologise for the long post it sounds like you have a lot to get off your chest x

I completely sympathise with you about how you are feeling because I'm feeling pretty similar x

anxiety was bad before going on the meds again but depression has hit me like a ton of bricks too and it's making it a lot harder to deal with x but like you said it's the meds that are making us feel this way as my depression wasnt this bad before I went up to 20mg.

is that the dose you are on?

blips and setbacks are completely normal and the fact you had a few good days is a good sign. i do think changing brands can also set you back a little bit but this will pass when your body gets used to them x

that would be great if you could keep us updated about how your appointment goes tomorrow and hopefully you get some answers that will put your mind at rest a little bit

hope you are ok x

yeah i am on 20mg and been on it for 3 weeks. i started with 10mg for two days but when i realized that 10mg is making me feel so crap anyways i went up to 20mg after those days and thought i will just suffer through. i never really had depression but now since starting cit i definetely have developed it crying all the time. how long you been on cit for? all i know is that it is better to start with 20mg and stay on it for as long as you can it takes time to balance out but its worth it in the end. at least i hope..struggling with hope lately

originally 5 years at 20mg x this time round nearly 3 weeks on 20mg so just a little behind you x but we are both in the same place by the sound of things x

and pretty much suffering the same so I hope that gives you some comfort that you aren't alone right now 😊

nothing is a comfort when you feel like this though is it?

I did 10mg for a week and then up to 20mg x I'm hoping they work soon as this is pretty tough x

have you had any moments yet where you felt a lift in mood or anything like that yet?

between 4-6 weeks and hopefully things will start improving for us x

i had some good moments but still anxiety and depression everyday. since i took the new brand its been anxiety all day as well as low mood no motivation and feeling sick, crying. i just feel scared and anxious about the future. basically anxious about anxiety. ive been off work with this and still not ready to even leave the house. i go outside only when its necessary. last time i also had side effects but it worked within about 4 weeks and it was not as bad as this time. what about you any good moments, are at least able to do things around the house and go out?

the brand change will settle down eventually once your body gets used to the fillers they use. it's still the same amount of seratonin it's just absorbed differently until your body can work out what's going on so try not to worry too much for now.

its difficult to tell if I've had some good moments or not because it seems that when my depression is high my anxiety is low and the other way round so not a clue what's going on atm to be honest x

I do feel slightly out of it and disengaged in the evenings lately which is worrying me a lot at the moment x do you get that yourself x where you just feel pretty spaced out?

I can manage to do a few things round the house but honestly not very much x going out is hard atm too x but I make sure to push myself to do things I really don't want to.

awww I really hope they start working for you soon because it sucks doesn't it.

i was the same for time round. back to normal in about 4 weeks like you x

Hi Lala hope youre ok. its so awful isnt it. i do recommend seeing a psychiatrist - i find mine really useful. ive seen him once but he lets me email him all the time with questions. lots of people say 6-8 weeks from start of 20mg for benefits so none of us are there yet. ive gone back to work today after holiday last week and it was super hard - anxious all day, no relief. i cant sleep without taking lorazepam - so hard to see a light at the end of tunnel but we know it takes time, we just need to take one day at a time

thats amazing that you went to work. even if you were anxious you did a huge step. i am definetely not ready yet and been off for 4 weeks. physical symptoms and morning anxiety is the worst. its all about patience but its difficult to be patient when you feel like this. how did u cope with getting to work as i understand you have morning anxiety too?

it was really really hard - took some propranalol which helped a bit but i get this awful thing when im anxious where i feel i cant breathe properly and i had that until i left at 3. my husband thinks i should try and maintain as normal a routine as possible but really i just want to stay in bed all day. morning anxiety, physical symptoms and imsomnia are worst for me. just feel the awful physical feeling of anxiety most of the time. the lorazepam does help a bit too so if you do see a psychistrist see if you can get a benzodiazepine until the meds kick in. like you im just so worried that its not going to work again and then ill have to start all over again with something else

Yeah i pretty much been in bed all this time i usually get up around afternoon and do some things. Just hate the irrational stupid thoughts and expecting anxiety to come at any time. I know what you mean about being scared that it will not work but i think when you are feeling really unwell it is hard to see any hope. I am still hoping it will work but i am worried a lot as i was better for a bit and then for the past 4 days i have been horrible since taking the new brand of cit. I am having insomnia pretty bad as well i do fall asleep but then wake up around 3 am and then anxiety takes over and does not go away really till evening but even in the evening although it is better it is still there. Insomnia and other physical symptoms should go eventually but i am just concerned that they are taking so long. In your case i think you will start feeling better soon as you should count an increase of dosage as if you started taking the medication from the beginning. From what i understand you did not take 20mg for that long its been few weeks right? This anxiety is horrible i do cry sometimes just because i am feeling sorry for myself and i hate that even more.

Definitely ask for diazapam. I take a 1/2 of a 5mg tablet when its becoming really difficult. It gives your brain a little rest.

i do have diazapam however i am scared to take it due to addictive qualities also it makes me feel like i somehow failed if i take it. Its just a weird irrational thought i guess. I did take one tablet in the first week during the night as i was freaking out. Now my anxiety is kind of constant flares up many times during the day. I am however very sad as i have definitely developed depression from cit or just from constant anxiety and tiring thoughts, crying at least twice a day. horrible stuff we have to go trough. i dont understand how some people do not have any side effects from this medication. I definitely feel worse than when i started. But last time was the same too. just tad worse this time.

you have to stop your nonsense with the benzo . you want relieve take your benzo !doctor gave it to u for a reason.best regards.

I agree, i took a half for 2 days and it gave me relief. The level of stress is dangerous for you.

when you say last time was the same do you mean you felt like this your first time round on citalopram?

that's a good sign because you know its side effects off the meds causing how you feel and that it will go away.

I'm the same as the second time is a lot harder for me and a lot of people x

absolutely ciara .if it werent for my benzo in the begening stages i would of ended in a mental crisis.

Hey P, yeah i had horrible side effects the first time round on cit. However i do not think they were as bad and lasted for as long. Second time round is defo harder and the physical side effects such as feeling sick and no appetite is making me feel worse. Very up and down and not many good moments yet 3 weeks in on 20mg. depression is really bugging me this time as first time round i did not experience it as bad just had moments of hopelessness this time round i am super down. its just annoying because i want to be a good girlfriend to my partner and plan a future together but i cannot at this moment as i am so surrounded with this anxiety and low mood. however my partner is super supportive so i am lucky with that. How long you been on cit since your last increase?

about 17 days now on 20mg since increasing x

I know how you feel about wanting to be a good partner I feel exactly the same way and my partner like yours has been amazing! but it still makes you feel guilty doesn't it x my partner really wants a baby more than anything and I keep saying when I'm better but it's been 11 months now so hoping the cit works this time for her benefit too.

the depression is horrible and it just feeds the anxiety and Visa versa x it truly sucks.

I have a detatched feeling from my anxiety and it terrifies me and just makes my anxiety a whole lot worse x I cant seem to convince myself it will go away x

I want a baby too but definitely now is not the right time where i cannot even look after myself and that puts me down even more because i start thinking if i would be a good parent what if this happens again when i have the child. typical crappy anxious thinking the mighty 'what ifs'...

17 days after increase that is very early and defo will not see much difference yet particularly being on cit second time round, it takes much longer for some reason from the research i have done. Also I have studied cognitive neuroscience and psychology and worked in mental health field for few years (ironically). All i know is that ADs do work also I know how they work which makes sense why they take such a long time. Best is to stay on the same therapeutic dose for as long as possible but i know that our patience is limited when dealing with this and makes it hard to wait to feel better. Also when you have combined depression and anxiety it takes longer to work once again as imbalance is even greater. Usually you will see the mood slowly lifting and then eventually anxiety will ease off. It is quite strange actually because once you start feeling better you don't really notice it that much but then you look back and realize that you are feeling better. Feeling detached is quite a normal state with anxiety it happens when your nervous system is so overwhelmed that it tries to detach you from your surroundings it like your brain cannot believe that you are in such a rough situation it just shuts down certain senses to shield itself. I had it myself it was so scary I literally had to scream out loud in order to bring myself back again ( what a nutter). Try your best to be distracted as much as possible like watching youtube videos but something light so your brain does not overthink or get stressed out. For example sounds and certain sights even bother me. It is because I am in an anxious state. It is horrible and i am super anxious it will not get better I keep saying that all i want is just to be myself again. We are truly lucky we have supportive partners i would not be able to go trough this by myself.

yeah 2 weeks on 20 but theres technically a bit of credit from the lower doses. ive been crying a lot too and feeling really down especially now my IBS is playing up again. im just too anxious to get to sleep on my own. the lorazepam relaxes me just enough to get to sleep. are you going to see a psychiatrist?

please take the benzo. i will post here what my psych said about them (tho i am still only taking one in the evening cos im scared to take more)

i understand that you are worried about lorazepam dependence and withdrawal. The stories that you have read will most likely be about people who have been using lorazepam for a long time, were abusing it and didn't want to stop it. This does not apply to you. It does not sound to me that you have developed dependence on lorazepam - you have not really been taking it regularly for long enough and you are still experiencing sedative effects from the same dose (people who become addicted find that they need to have larger doses to get the same effect). In my opinion, it is fine to use lorazepam 0.5mg once or twice each day for now. But, if you don't want to use it that regularly, then you can use 0.5mg here and there as you need. Many people would be prescribed a medication like lorazepam for a month or so when starting antidepressants to treat anxiety; but some people will be prescribed a medication like lorazepam for 2-3 months, 0.5mg is a very low dose. Some people take up to 4mg a day. In hospital settings, we use up to 8mg a day.

The only reason i am not to fond of diazapam is because i have worked in a acute psychiatric wards for few years as a inpatient assistant psychologist and seen how diazapam affects people and how hard it is to go of it and the dependence is horrible. Many of my patients were serverly addicted to it. yes you are right that it happens with prolonged use however in some cases with certain brain chemical imbalances it is easier to get addicted to it for some than others. Unfortunately for me if i do take it 5mg tablet does nothing much for me meaning that i am in the risk group. I only take it when i am having a panic attack. Just knowing that i have it for when i need it makes me feel calmer. It is a great calming agent when the anxiety is severe and when it is heightened by medication in this case citalopram. Unfortunately i was not able to go to the psychiatrist due to the fact that non of the ones i called speak english and i am in a non english speaking country. its a bit of a nightmare but i will keep on looking for one.

oh no what a bugger! can you take someone with you to translate? is there an expat medical centre/hospital? which country are you in now? do you think i should stop taking the lorazepam too then? i have heard the horror stories of people coming off them

yeah my partner asked if we can come together and he can translate but they said no..i have a number now for someone who might speak english so will try tomorrow.

regarding benzos you need to see how you feel if u do not take them for few days if ur body craves them. i am strongly against daily use however it seems like you are on a very low dose and not for very long so you should be fine. i am just cautious with them as ive seen what it does to people when they are addicted. but those people been on benzos for months with high dosages. so don't worry too much. i view it more as a crisis medicationto for myself i take when my anxiety is completely overwhelming.

yes that is how it should be - i dont crave it but i know it makes me feel better so its really tempting to take it to make the anxiety go away. just had email from psych and im really freaking out - he said i should be noticing some inprovement after 4 weeks (not much!) and he wants me to persevere for 4 weeks (so another 2 on 20) and if no improvement then by then he'll look at changes - so now im really freaking out that its not working!

personally that's too short a time it really is. I've seen people not improve until 8 weeks or more. it took me 12 weeks to start feeling closer to normal in the past x

hopefully it will just be an increase and not a change in medication. if anything has to change x

thanks P for the reassurance. ive been freaking out about withdrawal issues from the loraxepam and propranalol today. the lorazepam has been great - been using it in the evening to calm me and get to sleep but ive taken 0.5mg daily for 12 days now and apparently that means i could already have withdrawal issues according to some people! how are you doing?

hey Tamsin, when psychiatrist said you should see a difference within 4 weeks he means even a little improvement like having better evenings for few hours. i have noticed thats i find i hard to recognise any improvement because im just in my head all day when reality i may be already feeling better. write a journal maybe so you can look back on it. are you having little glimpses of hope at all during the day? regarding lorazopam you have not taken it for that long or high doze. dont confuse the feeling of wanting to take it with withdrawals as it is normal to want to take something that makes you feel better. you are stronger than you think you are use lorazapam for when you really really need it. try to avoid using it daily. i only take it if i am completely freaking out. plus you have not reached 4 weeks yet an u have no idea how you will feel in another week or so stop predicting the future concentrate on today. all i know is that second time it takes longer to work. we are so obsessed with feeling normal again we start chasing that feeling without realizing small positive changes.

hi yes i know your are right. i havent had any major freakouts for a few days just this awful creepy anxious feeling down my back and arms. it went away for a few hours this afternoon but that could be the beta blockers i took this morning. weirdly i dont usually feel better in the evening - my better time is afternoon - i start to feel anxious again in the evenings. my husband thinks i have improved a bit - i just cant see it.

i guess it depends if you take citalopram in the evening or morning . I take it in the evening at around 9pm. It does affect my sleep but i have insomnia anyway so it does not bother me too much however tonight i slept kind of okay. Mornings are horrible then afternoons too but evening time is kind of better. Today i am super anxious but i have a therapy appointment tonight and the thought of going out is freaking me out.