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5 weeks trying to get sober..

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Paper_fairy
Paper_fairy

hi everyone I'm back! Been looking at posts but too ashamed to make comments.Well I'm ashamed to say I've been in bed now for 5 weeks.Split up with partner 5 weeks ago as I was drinking(was sober for 5 months). . We were together for 3 and half years. Before that I was married for 22 years. Well I went on a binge, then tapered down and it didn't work as I started to drink more again.basically I've tried addaction(3 weeks to get appointment), tapered myself down to 2 cans of fosters(hate lager!). Can't drink wine now as was so ill on it. Now on vodka. Was having hallucinations when tried to detox, 18 year old daughter got so worried I spent 2 separate nights in nights in hospital. Can't get a detox in Chesterfield. Addaction won't give me one( you have to taper down to get one and then they say you don't need one now), dr can't prescribe as its down to addaction . Hospital won't detox unless your dying re liver failure. Derbyshire Alcohol Advisery Service are at their wits end as they say people are dying. Postcode lottery...

in the mean time I'm dying. Just drank 1 litre of vodka with Coke in 24 hrs. Can't drink wine anymore . Is that bad? 

Oh and I walked into a mirror and fell down the stairs.. Covered in cuts and bruises and my daughter has gone back to her dads. I'm very very depressed obviously and on my own as everyone has given up on me now

0 likes, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • Angel91
    Angel91 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Nobody has given up on you... you have given up on yourself and it is too painful for them to watch.

    It seems like you want some sort of magic cure, like this detox will solve all your problems, but it wont.

    Only you can change your behaviour. If you don't want to drink, then fight the urges. Taper yourself down slowly so you don't get withdrawal symptoms. Get a bit of paper and write down exactly how much you are going to drink for the next month. Every 3 days, lower it by 1/2 units depending on how you are coping. When you have successfully lowered your intake, put a big tick next to that goal. Trust me, it is satisfying.

    Aside from lowering your drinking, also set yourself other acheivable goals. Make sure the goals are small, working towards bigger goals. Focus on achieving one goal at a time. Even if that goal is to tidy up the living room or go for a walk round the block, or even to write a list of goals... tick when you have accomplished it, and move on to the next one.

    You CAN do this... if you want to. But nobody can help someone who doesn't want to be helped. If you really, truly want to help yourself then get your backside in gear and start!

    You don't need other people pulling you along this journey. You need to start yourself and ask for support when you need it. Do you go to AA meetings? If not, perhaps you should start. Getting a sponser may help you when you feel the need to drink.

    Did you know, cravings only last for 60 seconds? Next time you want to reach for the drink, remember that. You only have to fight for 60 seconds.

  • wendy62431
    wendy62431 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Sounds like the only person left to help you is you. So that is what you are going to have to do. It is beatable! Swapping the wine for lager is one thing, swapping it for vodka is a no go. Those people that have given up on you will be back when they see you trying to help yourself. How was the 5 months sober? Do you know what sent you back to the poison?

    What would you like to do in the future? If you could wave a magic wand where would you be living? Working?

    You walked into a mirror? 😕 didn't you see yourself coming? 😮

    How old are you btw? Get some rest today and recover. And make sure you eat. You are going to need your energy.

    Don't be focusing on the shame either. Its been and gone, yesterday is yesterday. It won't help.

    Start making your plan for next week 😃 make a list on here if you like!

  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Thanks for your comments, much appreciated, though a little harsh. !! Don't know you two but anyway re Wendy . Have you ever had a black out? Re walking into a mirror,? Obviously not! Yes and Angela, did service at aa for 3 years.  Paul not been on line for a while which is a shame..:-(
    • wendy62431
      wendy62431 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      Ohhhh I've had my moments paper fairy trust me 😕more than I care to remember. I just choose not to dwell on them. Am I harsh? I took the time to answer and ask questions. I was concerned. I would love to hear any positive steps you have planned for next week because it would be nice to hear you have hope.

      I don't think that's harsh. Good luck anyhow. Hope it all works out for you. And hope Paul is along to help soon.

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      I have been online smile Still reading all the posts. I try not to get involved in everything, partly because of time and partly because I don't want to jump in there before people who have personal experience of alcohol problems have had a chance to respond. I also try to stick to answering when it needs a clinical opinion.

      You are right in what you say about how difficult it is to get a detox on the NHS. It's appalling because people ARE getting worse and worse and some are dying.

      It is unfortunate that alcohol dependence is seen by society and by clinicians (and even by many drinkers who have repeatedly been told) as a behaviour problem that some willpower will fix. It won't. You have a medical complaint and your body reacts differently to alcohol. Cravings are hell to deal with and some people get them stronger than others so nobody can say 'I did it, so can you.' It needs to be seen like pain. A certain level of pain you can take without reaching for the pain killers. Get beyond that point and you can take no more. Same with alcohol and cravings.

      However, even before cravings, you need to get off alcohol which DOES need a detox to be safe. I can't get my head around why the NHS is making it so difficult to get an alcohol detox. It shows a serious lack of understanding which is very worrying. Even more worrying, it shows a bad attitude towards people with alcohol issues.

      I am extremely busy because the NHS just isn't doing what it should be and people are having to find another way to get what they need. Even after detox, if they get one, the solutions available to help people stay out of trouble simply don't work. You can't TALK a person out of having a medical disorder. It is not about willpower and fighting through every day of your life. What sort of life is that?

      There are people who haven't had a drink for thirty years and still struggle every single day. They are not cured, they are enduring a living hell. Yes, they have unbelievable determination, but it doesn't have to be like that. The Sinclair Method eliminates the need to live with that daily struggle. Yet again, that isn't easily available on the NHS and they don't even recognise the term 'The Sinclair Method' despite Nalmefene (one of the drugs that can be used for it) being approved and even recommended by NICE, the clinical excellence government body.

      If they were to say to cancer patients 'this is your fault, nobody else's, you caused this problem and you have hurt your family and friends' with the insinuation that they were bad people who had chosen their disease, it would be a scandal. It is no less of a scandal that people with alcohol addiction are told that. Yes, it changes behaviours and those behaviours can be difficult, but it is NOT the drinker's fault that their body reacts differently to alcohol than other people's.

      I'm afraid I don't have a solution regarding getting an alcohol detox from your local NHS services. All I can say is that you should persist or find a way to do it privately (it's wrong that anybody should ever have to do that). You are not alone, this is a problem all over the country and thousands of people are struggling to get the help they need.

      Sorry I can't give you an easier answer sad

    • wendy62431
      wendy62431 PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      What an excellent post Paul. It makes for heartbreaking reading, but excellent never the less. Informative and to the point yet withempathy. Unlike mine it seems 😕

      My heart goes out to all those suffering such awful cravings, emotional agony and physical repercussions.

      My apologies for seeming harsh earlier paper fairy.

      You were absolutely right to seek out Paul.

      I wish you all the best and I sincerely hope you find some happiness.

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 wendy62431

      Posted

      No, you were not wrong, Wendy. While alcohol addiction is a medical disorder, it DOES result in people making bad choices and they sometimes need a kick up the backside, I'm sure Paper Fairy understands that. While it is not a person's fault that they get into trouble with alcohol, it IS their reponsibility to try and find a solution because nobody else can make them do that.
    • Angel91
      Angel91 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      I apologise if you thought I was harsh, I was trying to be motivational. You don't need puppies and cuddles right now, you need a kick up the backside so you can help yourself! The puppies and cuddles will come later, when we watch you succeed smile smile
  • rubywasadrunk
    rubywasadrunk Paper_fairy

    Posted

    73Darling don't be ashamed.    Alcohol grips us in a vice like hold.  You are not alone.  There are millions of us out here WITH YOU going through this everyday. Society needs to change with regards to its opinions surrounding alcohol and those of us that are trapped in its vicious hold.  Your family are worried, they can't change you.  I know you've heard this many times before, only we can make that change.  Be kind to yourself, take your time, try not to feel so ashamed.  Everyone on this forum has made an idiot of themselves whilst drunk or blacked out and can't remember what they said did or behaved.  I have. The shame is the worst, then the cycle starts - shame, feeling rubbish, depressed, alone, sorry for ourselves then what makes us temporarly feel better? BOOZE! Be kind to yourself, I'm here on and off today.  Love to you my friend.
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Paper_fairy

      Posted

      I would still take the chance of going to the hospital for another ailgment...you have nothing to lose....
  • Paper_fairy
    Paper_fairy

    Posted

     I've had the harsh treatment and the positive treatment over the years. The positive only works. Negativity just makes you give up...
  • susan60053
    susan60053 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Hi Paperfairy. So sad to hear  your  update.Vodka is very dangerous-full of rubbish chemiicals.Drank it for months ( under imppression my breath would not smell ) Result went pyhcotic- tried to kill my lovely husband,ended up in a Police cell ( DREADFUL)While drinking Vodka I have stolen money from my dear Mum-some shop lifting oh dear another night in a cell !!.this year I have wasted because of Booze-I can't remember much-apart from the stinking Police cell where I have to go to sober up. please don't drink Vodka -have some white wine if you must? Try and cut down a little each day till you find some help. Take Great Care Of Yourself X
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Dear paper fairy, never, never, ever, EVER think that you are not worth it....we are all decent people who just get caught up in a lifestyle we did not......land never would !! Plan...

    I am disgusted at the way you are

    Being treated....your depression alone deserves treatment now !!! I am a recovering alcoholic for twelve years now....but I have never forgotten the terrible, scary, helpless desperation I felt every single day.... I was fortunate I

    Had help from many services ..GP....mental health.....cas......

    Nurses.....land family....I had four lengthy detoxes in a

    Mental health HOSPITAL ...( two hand half months )

    You must emphasize how much you need help, no-one should be left alone to deal with this illness....please, fight tooth band nail to make someone listen and help you....

    You will be in my heart, thoughts and prayers...I so feel for you, you deserve and need help and acceptance....big, warm hugs to you ...Deirdre xxxxx

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Its sad that where you live they are not helpful in helping you to recover.

    Two months ago I was in your position. I ended in hospital with 7 bags of fluid needed to revive me back to some state of hydration.  My pancreas was affected.

    I was treated wonderfully in the hospital.  I had a bedside nurse 4 out of the 5 days I was there to help me walk to the toilet....sit up...etc.  I had a heart monitor because my heart was not acting correctly.  At the time I was up to drinking 2 litres a day of vodka. I had always drank beer...but during an attempt to taper and detox myself...I switched to vodka because it wasn't my drink of choice and I thought it would help me to quit...NO...I just drank harder liquor and more of it.

    I never ate or showered when drunk.  I went 27 days without eating or showering.

    I was told by Nurse I was 1-2 days away from having organ shut down and death.  It took that kind of drastic prognosis to wake me up.  Again fortunetly around here...they have become better over the years at treating acloholics like humans.

    Which what they do around here ...does not help you at all.   What I woudl DO if I were you is call the hospital regarding another condition...tell them your chest is hurting and you think you are having a heart attack!  They respond to THAT.

    Once you are in the hospital...stick to the chest pains...and they will take blood to see if you are in fact having a heart attack..when taking that blood they will realize that you are dehydrated....and will be forced to treat  you for detoxification. 

    I was embarassed about being in the hospital so much this year for alocholism...that I called the ambulance and told them I felt like harming myself....so instead of being put in a lock down room for the alcoholics..they put me in a regular ward....and realized I was intoxicated and started treating me for withdrawal. I also had 2 seizures this time I was in hospital.

    You know that this condition is progressive.  Although I have been an alcoholic my WHOLE life (with one period of 8 years sober from the age of 41 - 49)...I'm now 51...I do not think it is an illness...I think it BECOMES an illness when we put it in our bodies....but I THINK it is a hereditary condition.

    And I do believe that when we drink we can get to certain points that we need medical intervention to STOP.

    I was however ONE time during this year able to taper myself to detox.  What I did was drink something I disliked...it was wine...So the concept is...you drink ONLY when you are feeling withdrawal...and ONLY enough to take away shakes, sweating etc.

    You start at say 6 glasses a day for like 3 days....(of something you don't like, so you don't get carried away)....and then down to 5 for 3 days...and then 4....and I think I STOPPED when I got to 2.  After that time...I had slight withdrawals that were uncomfortable..but I got thru it.

    And THEN because I got thru it...2 weeks later...I thought I could DRINK AGAIN.

    I know what it feels like to have everyone walking away...Both my kids have...and the 2 months I have been sober...still wont talk to me...they don't trust that I will stay sober.  I just have to show them.

    Depression from drinking is so bad...the few days after you stop it gets worse because you realize everything you have done to your body and other people.  But if you can do it...I promise...life gets better.  I know if I drink again I will surely die...Progressive....The people here do not seem to have given up on you...I know we are not "touchable" but we are here.

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 Misssy2

      Posted

      This is the scandal. They WILL treat you at the hospital if you are dying, but you can't always rely on that! They DO send people away who are in a serious medical condition without a detox. They treat the immediate danger and send people home.
    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 wendy62431

      Posted

      I agree, they problably don't have much choice, the individual clinicians and most people don't need to stay in hospital to detox, but it is a scandal that NHS doesn't appear to have a place that people can be referred to, to do a home detox, in most areas.
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