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59 year old female, riddled with anxiety and panic!!!

Posted , 6 users are following.

kathleen70500
kathleen70500

I am brand new here and so thankful I found this forum! I am a 59 year old married female, with a great life and everything I could want but I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and Panic disorder. I do not know what made this flare up so bad the past 6 months but life often seems unbearable! Everyday little things are now too much for me. I have tried so many meds, but the side effects make me stop them. I have often thought about ending my life because I feel like it will never ever be okay again. Nothing feels okay anymore. I dread waking up each day, for fear of what the day will be like. I live, eat and breathe fear, dread and sadness. I know I am way past menopause but why is this happening now? I truly don't know where to turn next, and I have the most amazing supportive doctor in the world. I guess I just don't want her to feel like I am now hopeless or untreatable. I am totally lost and not sure what to do. I just know that ending my life is not something I want to leave my 87 year old mom with, my amazing husband, grown kids or grandkids with. I feel totally lost.

0 likes, 24 replies

24 Replies

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  • anxietysite123
    anxietysite123 kathleen70500

    Posted

    Do you see a counselor? I have health anxiety in the worst way since my son, so I've had it more about 8 months now. Recently depression has begin setting in. It sucks to say the least.. Did something traumatic happen around the time you got worse? Your doctor would not think you're hopeless or a lost cause, but she also can't help you the way you need to be helped if she doesn't know how bad you truly are. There is no shame in needing help. Have you tried journaling? I found a great site that I'm trying myself if youd like me to message it to you.. Everyday get up and do one thing that you really don't feel like doing but know needs to be done.. Just one.. Eventually you will feel great about all of these little things.. It sounds like you just need a major boost of support. Is your husband supportive of your illness?

    • kathleen70500
      kathleen70500 anxietysite123

      Posted

      Hello there and thank you so much for replying to my post. I am seeing  a physciatrist on Friday. I see my primary care again on Tuesday. I wana make sure to rule out anything physical, before we either try another med or a different route. I just want to be Kathy again. I am not a fraction of the person I have been my entire life! My husband is very supportive of everything but I try to keep the severity of my issue, away from him, as he will worry himself sick about me. I just pray that there is a fix out there there for me, as this is truly wearing me down!
  • anxietysite123
    anxietysite123 kathleen70500

    Posted

    I also tried meds and got off of them.. I'm now realizing I need to be on them so I'm going to try a new one and see if that helps.. Hopefully I can be strong enough within the next six months to be off meds completely and just rely on therapy and myself.

    • kathleen70500
      kathleen70500 anxietysite123

      Posted

      Thank you SO MUCH for replying to my post! My goal right now, is to rule out anything physical, that could be causing all of this. Once we accomplish that, I am not sure the route we will take but my goal is to be off of every single med and see how things go. I mean everything. No meds what so ever! I have had enough of the side effects and the sweating that a lot of meds cause because that just makes the anxiety worse! I can't win no matter what I do!

    • anxietysite123
      anxietysite123 kathleen70500

      Posted

      One thing that helps me a ton, get an adult coloring book.. I promise you your mind will get so into it and relaxed that you will feel so calm even if its for a little while.. I've even gotten desperate and colored my daughters books several times lol. My mom has the same issues as you pretty much. She is off her meds now and will sometimes have horrible days, some good. Just take the good ones as best as you can and hope for more!

    • kathleen70500
      kathleen70500 anxietysite123

      Posted

      That does seem like a great idea but even doing that is a lot for me right now. I feel like a total mess. I can't help but wonder if there is something physical that is driving all of this. That is what we are trying to get to the bottom of before we go any further. I don't even know who I am anymore and my husband deserves better than this. I live everyday with anxiety, sadness, panic and fear and just want it all to stop!!!!!!

    • anxietysite123
      anxietysite123 kathleen70500

      Posted

      I hear ya.. The other night I just laid in bed sobbing telling my fiance that he and my kids didn't sign up for this and that it isn't fair to them.. It sucks how we kind of feel like were bringing everyone down around us. None of them feel that way though, luckily we both have supportive family it sounds like.. When do you to see your doctor? Make sure you get a referral to a psychologist if they do not find anything physically concerning.

  • cia42277
    cia42277 kathleen70500

    Posted

    For Pete's sake, Kathleen...if you have a supportive doctor you are among the fortunate people with anxiety.

    I am 75 and just got hit with this a few months ago. What the heck has age got to do with any of this Sweetie Pie??? My wonderful doctor,  in my eyes, saved my sanity. A doctor's job is to make us feel better...why would any sane doctor think less of us.....if they did I would fire them immediately.

    Get your little self to your wonderful doctor and let her do her job. Please let us know how that goes. wink

    We are here for you...your cheering squad so to speak, but your team manager is your doctor. You are in the right place and will meet a lot of lovely people here, Kathleen

    • cia42277
      cia42277 Psyched_Out_Kim

      Posted

      Okay...go clean your room, and take the trash out, then you can go out and play.
    • kathleen70500
      kathleen70500 cia42277

      Posted

      Hi there! Age really doesn't have anything to do with health or any of what I am going through but it helps to put my age out there, as being post menopausal does not help. I didn't have these issues until I went through that lovely stage of life! I am going to talk to my amazing doctor on Tuesday and go from there. I am not enjoying one ounce of my once amazing life and my very cheery self! It's so sad because I have such an amazing husband and life but I am so unhappy and unhinged. I am so glad to find all of you though! I know there is hope out there somewhere and you are part of that hope!!!! Your an angel!!!!

    • cia42277
      cia42277 kathleen70500

      Posted

      I am looking forward to what doc says. She sounds trustworthy and caring. Over the years I have found that that is not always true.  Sending a kiss on the cheek, Kathleen.
    • kathleen70500
      kathleen70500 cia42277

      Posted

      I am also, as I cannot stand this much longer. I never thought something like this would happen to a once, very bubbly person that everyone always turned to for just about everything. I feel so sorry for my husband because he truly is being cheated out of the once, very great life and wife that he had with me. I am beyond thankful that I have him in my life and so desperately want to make things better for him, just about as much as I do for me!  I am going through the motions of life, every single day but truly feel like I am not even alive anymore. You are so wonderful cia42277. I love you and don't even know you, but am getting to quickly!!!!

  • helen_12954
    helen_12954 kathleen70500

    Posted

    Hi Kathleen,

    I am so so sorry to hear that u feel this way.

    U need to know that u are not alone. I am 33 and have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for the last 7 years since the day my mom died. I was doing well till about 2wks ago when I started to struggle. I like u was scared of waking up due to the fact that as soon as I was opening my eyes my heart was thudding, I was nauseous, giddy, shaky. All this first thing just made me want to stay in bed.

    It really is the most horrendous of things to deal with but u need to know there are so many other things to try other than meds.

    Have u thought about counselling, cbt, acupuncture?

    Or even a self help cd or book to look through.

    It's great u have a supportive doctor and it's their job to be there so please don't feel like ur hopeless even though I too am going to mine tomorrow and feel so bloody stupid but it has to be done.

    This forum is amazing, have a read through other people's experiences as it makes u realise ur not alone.

    Always here to chat if u ever need to

    Stay strong xxxxx

    • kathleen70500
      kathleen70500 helen_12954

      Posted

      Thank you SO MUCH for reaching out to me Helen! I would love to NOT be on meds, so I will be talking to my group of doctors, to find out if there is anything physical that could be causing this, before we decide the next step for me. I cannot tell you what this forum and people like you, mean to me. I now know that I am not alone and that I will always have someone here to reach out to, who knows exactly how I feel. You are an angel to me and I thank so from the bottom of my heart for commenting on my post! Stay tuned lady. I will back back to update people on what path I am following, to try to get back to the Kathy that everyone has always known and loved! BLESS YOU!
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