59 year old female, riddled with anxiety and panic!!!

You're more than welcome. Everyone here is so helpful, and we're all on this journey together.

You might be quick to stop the meds because of the side effects, but you're not alone in that boat. Many people start, and stop many times until they get it right. That's just human nature, because nobody wants to feel sick, especially for weeks. Typically the meds take 4 to 6 weeks to be fully in your system,but everyone is different so some might have to wait up to 8 weeks. The side effects may be gone long before that, but the meds need at least 6 weeks to do their duty. It's rough sailing in the beginning, but if you hold on tight, and get through that hurdle, you'll reap the benefits.

I think it's safe to say that many of us sufferers have had thoughts of ending it all. Our lives get flipped upside down, we're handed horrible symptoms that seem hard to control, and nothing is "normal" anymore. However, we get help to control the symptoms, and we become a new kind of normal, maybe because the old normal is boring, and overrated. lol

When you mentioned your family, that really got to me. It's so hard to put into words, but I lost my mom on May 21st, 2015, just two months after her 67th birthday, and 3 days after my birthday. I would do absolutely anything to see her again, if even for only 5 minutes, to feel her hands, smell her scent, and hear her voice. It's hard, so very, very hard, so please enjoy every minute with your 87 yeard old mom, because you are very fortunate to still have her. Don't ever think that because your children are grown that they'll be fine without you. It doesn't work like that. I'm 45 years old, and still want my mom so much that it physically hurts. Age has no bearing on a bond between a mother, and her child. I only have one child, a 23 year old daughter. The thought of ever losing her is devastating. In my darkest hours, when I wanted to end it all, the thought of how much she would hurt because of my actions, was enough to stop me. Both sides of that coin is really ugly. If she's gone, I hurt, if I'm gone, she'll hurt. Nobody wins, so it's a hand that should never be dealt. You have generations of love in your family, and that's a rarity nowadays, so treasure it.

Sorry about writing a book, but your post made my flood gates open.

Thank you for writing me. It means the world to me that all of you caring people are here to help me. I am going to give the Lexapro another try, as I cannot seem to cope on my own. I feel so completely detached from every single part of life. As helpless as I feel, I know I cannot leave my husband, mom or my close family members. I would destroy their lives and I just won't do that to them. That is why I am doing everything I can with the doctors, to get the help I need and try to get my life health and well being back in order. I literally feel like I have been walking through life in someone else's body and mind. This is the worst chapter I have ever been through and I want it to just stop and all be well again. I feel like that is never ever going to happen. My husband deserves better than this. I need to get things back to normal for him also. You are so wonderful for writing to me and trying to help. God Bless You!!!!!

Thank you so much for replying. I am very, very sorry that you are going through the same issues but also raising children and alone? That truly breaks my heart! I thank God I don't have that to deal with, as I know I would be more over the edge. I am here for you, as you are for me. I just wish I could help everyone out there, that is going through what I am. God Bless You!

Thank you so much for writing me Mariano. I have indeed had my B12 and vitamin D checked. My blood work is all coming out fine. Every since turning 50, nothing seems to feel right with me but I have never been to this extreme! I am also sweating terribly at times and the hot humid weather we are having, makes the anxiety go off the roof, so I can't be in heat for even 5 minutes. I feel like nothing is right in my head or body! I am past menopause by about 7 years, so that shouldn't be the issue. My doctor was amazing yesterday and is so sypathetic to all of these issues, as she has watched me evolve from a young, happy go lucky, fun and what she calls, beautiful woman, to a very hyper, unhappy, wound up mess! I am going to see my neurologist on Friday, to see if he will do an EEG when it can be fit in and I am going to ask him to check into my sympathetic nervious system, as I have thought that, that has been my issue for years. That part of the nervous system, is responsible for blood pressure, sweating or malfunction of the body temperature, panic, fear, depression and all of the things I have been having issues with for years but now way worse. I HATE being the person that is always hot and sweating, when everyone else in the room is comfortable or cold. I have always been the once in my family, with issues that no one else ever has and I hate who I am!!! I am so sorry that you are going through what you are also. I do not even know who I am anymore and walk around feeling like I am totally detached from life and who I even am. I will post what happens with the neurologist and what he has to say. I have always truly felt that my immune system is in peril for the past 10 years or so and now, something is really wrong, that is causing all of what is happening to me. This is horrible as you very well know!