1. Community
  2. Infections
  3. Genital Herpes Simplex

Advice and support badly needed

Posted , 5 users are following.

Guest
Guest

Hello everyone, I'm in a really bad place at the moment and I hope to receive some support or advice.  

I have had H for many years and it has been ok because I was lucky enough to meet someone who I was able to tell about it and he accepted me without any problems.  We stayed together for a while and as far as I know he does not have H. 

Anyway, I remained single for about a year after that relationship broke down ( for reasons completely unrelated to H).  But recently I met the man of my dreams.  We were dating and really taking things slowly.  I had planned to tell him very very soon about my H situation and had high hopes that he would be understanding because we had already spent so much time together and even told each other we loved each other.  But at the weekend I messed up.  Badly.  I got drunk and our usual kissing turned in to much much more.  We had sex without protection and ever since I have not been able to eat or sleep because I'm so disgusted with myself for not telling him beforehand and getting carried away in the moment.  I keep avoiding him now which is making him feel rejected and upset but I just don't know what to do now!?!? What if I have given it to him?  I was not having an outbreak at the time and I was also taking suppression tablets every day......but within about 48 hours I felt a MAJOR outbreak coming on (probably due to combination of brutally stressing about the situation and the alcohol I drank that night).  

I've been avoiding his calls and texts in case he says he has an itch down there or something......or even worse that he wants to see me (and have sex again?).  What do I do?  What if he has it? What do I say? I mean he has every right to be REALLY angry about all of this, I just don't have the courage to tell him.  I know I can't hide from him forever but I really don't know what to do or how to approach things.  The fact that my bits are on fire right now just makes everything 10000 times worse.  I feel so bad. Do you think he may have caught it? Do you think it's worth telling him now?  Or should I just finish with him for his own benefit and hope that he didn't get it in this occasion? I'm so lost........

 

0 likes, 35 replies

35 Replies

Prev
  • john69167
    john69167 Guest

    Posted

    Hi I do not wish to sound insensitive but from a male perspective (and from a fellow sufferer from H) aren't you missing the point?. Please ask yourself how you would feel if you got infected by a guy and failed to own up or you found out that he had had sex with you when he could have infected you? Come on girls it is a no brainer!. You should be honest with him at the first opportunity. All this agonising is only making your failure to be straightforward worse. If someone decides to reject you because of H then you should accept their choice and move on. Personally I would think that if there is something worthwhile between two people then it would be worth carrying on and working things out. Being dishonest and evasive because you don't want to spoil it is ludicrous. Would you feel like giving a relationship a go when the guy has from the start been dishonest and risked giving you a horrible infection without telling you the truth. Your dishonesty is what would make most guys run and not the fact of your herpes. After all it does not inspire confidence when you jhave confounded your mistake by concealing it from him. Get real. You wopuld slag the bloke off for being a liar and a coward if roles were reversed. Tell the guy so he knows what has happened. If he rejects you then at least you have the knowledge that you have been fair , decent and honest (albeit somewhat late in being so!). Sorry to be blunt but I think you are losing sight of the real;ity of the situation.
    • liz25016
      liz25016 john69167

      Posted

      John, so glad you joined the conversation, male perspective is definitely welcomed and I totally agree.  I trying to get her on that wagon but you said it much better.

      Cherryviolet, we love you, but it must be done.

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken liz25016

      Posted

      Yup, CherryViolent, I agree w them too. We all have your back, but your betrayal looks worse the longer you wait. It will make him question how long were you going to w hold this from him and what does this mean for honesty from you in the future on tough topics. You can do this!
Back to top
Prev

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.