Alcohol consumption forum

The other thing, having read your previous post again, was where people offered solutions or suggestions of solutions, you replied to them but ignored their suggestion.

At no time did you reply, yes I watched that or I read that or tell me about these solutions. By your own admission you have said that AA has not worked for you and from what I know about them, they are all for talking, in fact they encourage you to come to many sessions to talk about it.

So I don't know what you are really looking for, you're not interested in medication or certainly don't show any indication of, and you know that talking about it is not working. If you just wish to talk about it, the AA is ideal, they even pair you up with a 'buddy'. The trouble with just talking and not doing, it gets depressing, with the lack of improvement, it is why the AA doesn't work for most. Because it is a group of people failing to kick alcohol. Anyone successful in givng up alcohol would move away from the AA, because they would want to avoid negative feelings/atmosphere. So you are mainly left with others that are failing.

The most depressing time I ever had in giving up drinking, was a group therapy session. I looked at a group of people who had been battling it for years, using the same solutions and failing. The definition of insanity, is doing the same thing, the same way and expecting a different result. I wanted to try something different and I wanted to be successful in months, not years.

I view things differently. I find it very easy to fail, to say I failed, I can fail at anything I set my mind to. What I find harder, is to succeed. Now, you have to ask yourself, do you want to talk about it or do you want to succeed?

The above may come across as a little harsh, it is not meant to be, more of a gentle shake of the shoulders to get you to act.

I believe this is for two reasons.

Firstly, some post here in a panic when they are drunk and at their lowest ebb.  Then the next day or two after when they become 'strong' again, they convince themselves that they don't have a problem and so just simply don't come back.  That is just the nature of alcohol misuse issues.

Secondly, by the time some with alcohol issues reach a forum, they are often subject to being starved of attention by friends and loved ones who have basically given up on their promises too numerous to mention.  That is absolutely understandable.  They reach out to a forum and receive lots of initial attention and sympathy and offers/suggestions of help.

That's a wonderful feeling for many at times of despair.

However, many forums out their become a cycle of relapse/attention/relapse/attention.

Consider this:  Someone in need of help will receive all the attention and sympathy in the world when they join.  However, if they then take the advice and suggestions and get better, the attention and sympathy is lost as the other members (rightly) concentrate on the newcomer.  How does someone in need of attention and sympathy get that back?  Yes, that is right - they relapse and all of a sudden, then attention is focused on them again.  And the cycle repeats itself continually.....  One such forum is a 'stop drinking' forum on an international website that I won't mention.  Seriously, every day the same old people asking for a 'badge reset back to zero' because they drank.  And it goes on and on... doing the same thing that didn't work for them and somehow expecting it to be different, and it won't be different because they may say they want to stop drinking, but deep down they are really enjoying the attention when they relapse.  They maybe don't even realise that this is not helping them!

Over the years, I've been on many alcohol forums with that exact need for attention, so I am not being critical of anyone.  I, too, got stuck in that cycle.  Some of the biggest forums out there are simply satisfying the needs of those who are desperate for attention.  They subconsciously reinforce to a drinker that relapse is okay because everyone 'loves' them and they can try again. 

The difference with this forum is that it is (mostly) free of that type of attention seeking because we have solutions and suggestions that work.  Compared to other forums out there, this forum is small in numbers but seems to have a much better success rate of people moving forwards.  As RHGB correctly says, we focus on those who are wanting to get better and showing that they are putting in the action to get better.

I know, for myself, this is because I simply don't have the time to repeat myself again and again to people.  Once I have explained what worked for me, if they show no interest in pursuing even the discussion with a doctor about medication-assisted treatment, then I will leave them be and comment no further.  It is not my place to continually try and impose my beliefs on someone else, and at that point if they approach me I will help, of course, but I will not take part in the relapse/attention/relapse behaviour because it ultimately prevents them ever trying to truly get better.  I want people to get well.  I have neither the time, nor the inclination, to play any part in their dramas.  Alcohol addiction runs in my family and I lost my aunt during one of these relapses - she fell down the stairs whilst on a relapse and died.  So, you can understand that I also have very personal reasons why I will NOT take part in activity that either reinforces relapse is part of addiction, or inadvertendly condones it by the actions of it's members.

Some people's lives are 'ruled' by forums.  It's the first thing they think of when they wake, and the last thing they check when they go to bed.  In the beginning, this is great becuase that connection is good.  BUT, at some point, in order to recovery from this deadly condition, someone HAS to change something and put the action in.  When that person makes that change, I will be right behind them 100% and supporting in every way that I can.

Well I, for one, have tried and failed numerous times.  But I still get back in the saddle.

I personally don't mind admitting it - if it helps others then that is of benefit.

It is not all plain sailing and though I do good Monday to Friday, when I take Saturday and Sunday into Monday, then Tuesday ec etc - I know I have got to kick myself and start again.  Had a good week last week and am looking forward to my reward about 6ish.

I just wish it was not such a constant struggle, but that is how it goes.

Wishing you well Mary.

G.