Posted , 9 users are following.

I've been trying to figure out what to post because I don't want to focus on my suffering because everyone that is here is suffering in one way or another...or they are completely sober.

With this "condition"....those are the only 2 ways it goes....we either are suffering or recovering....or recovered.

I feel I had a good reason to "relapse"...I have been getting 4K for 2 years for "disability" thru insurance from a company I used to work for.

When I started was because I had received a small check....didn't know why and long story short....they stopped paying me because they believe all my problems are caused by mental illness (which they cover for 2 years). 

So..after the phone conversation with brain was like...HOW WILL I PAY MY MORTGAGE?  HOW WILL I EAT?  And I went to the liquor store to stop my brain and pain.

Drinking only caused more pain.  I ended in hospital again (my sister forced me to go).


I'm not going to didn't take away my pain and brain spin....because IT DID.  But, it caused me once again to be VERY sick.  I'm not going to say everything will be ok if I don't drink....cause I don't know that everything will be ok.


I will say....that I am physically and emotionally drained from this "condition".  I DID have 8 years sober previously...and I will continue to post and help others the best I get thru their tough days...because I KNOW...just as many here you feel.


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  • Posted

    Hi Misssy. So happy to have you back on the forum. We've all missed you and worried about you. As you know I went to hell for several weeks, ending up in hospital on 2 occasions. Ended up discharging myself after sitting on a hospital bed in a corridor for several hours, being ignored by nurses. But that's NHS UK for you if you're an alcoholic. 

    Im now just over 2 weeks sober but oh my, it's been a long 2 weeks of withdrawals. In the last couple of days I've been setting my self a goal a day(as you kindly  wrote in a previous post) and it' works well for me. Just got to get the soothe bag sorted now !!!!

    Stay safe, sane and sober. And positive. Blessings to you ???? Xxx

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    • Posted


      Thank you just as we missed you when you were missing! So, I know that feeling too.  Before I was taken to the psyche ward I also had to lay on a bed for 12 hours being ignored...they won't even talk to you...until you reach a sober limit.

      I smoke alot of it was torture...but I slept thru it.

      But, the 4 days on the cigs...s*cked.

      But, once again nursed back to health (how you said you couldn't eat for 5 days)...they make sure you are eating (I couldn't eat for first 2 days)...and using the "loo" and stable on medication before letting you leave.


      Thanks again Paper...and SO GLAD you are also BACK and on the mend.

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    • Posted

      Blimey Paper - is that how NHS treat you?  I am in UK and use NHS but also have Private Medical - that makes me wonder if I would have a problem with them.  How blooming unfair - we don't crave being an alcoholic.  What happened to you for several weeks to end you up in hospital.  This is something completely new to me.

      Massive hug hun x

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  • Posted

    Misssy and paper fairy, hi to you both....

    You have helped very many on this site....alcoholism is a disease you can only really understand if you have ever experienced it...

    I was brilliant for many years, then I began to have the odd drink, that was fine...but my intake is creeping up again...I never drink in the daytime, and never everyday..but when we go out, or have a drink at home...I have to carry on and on...I am hiding bottles again and I loathe myself for it

    I never think about it in the daytime, but at night I quite often feel like one....I am never sick, but my tolerance is rising again so I need 8 units at the very least....also, I panic if I do not have at least one large bottle of vodka hidden....I could never face how bad I was before again, and luckily the cravings went years ago...but I know I am on a slippery all of you on this forum, never ever give up, you will get there....I wish you all good health and peace of mind...hugs all ...dee xx.

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    • Posted

      Hi Dee. Thank you for your honesty and kindness. This disease is hell. Wish we could all get together and give eachother a great big hug.

      But all we can do is to just continue to support and help eachother. Love to you both and all on the forum ????.

      Kelly I've not heard from you in a while? Praying you are ok xxx

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your lovely reply...paper fairy....( love the name )

      Yes it is a shame that we could not all meet up for big hugs...just imagine all of the hair raising !!! Stories we could swap....

      We are not bad people in any way, shape, or form...we just react differently to alcohol.....

      Hopefully one day in the future they may find a cure....that would be amazing.....

      MY very best, sincere wishes and big, warm hugs to you all....keep your hope and spirits up ( not gin or vodka ) we will all DO IT ONE DAY.....DEE XXXXX

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    • Posted

      Hi D....

      At least you are noticing that your drinking is creeping were "brilliant" and you ARE "brilliant" its just a horrible condition that takes hold.

      It feels really good to zone out....but for is a poison.


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    • Posted

      You are so honest - yes I also hide wine.  Got found out a few times by hubs - so just find a new place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I also dispose of the empties in a carrier bag and take them to a park to put them in the litter bin.  Sneaky.  I also use a bigger shopping bag so I can put a bottle at the bottom of the bag with food on top to cover it.  I can't believe I am telling  you this - I am so ashamed of myself.  I don't drink during the day.  Wine o clock for me is about 6pm to 9pm - nightly.

      What a flippin mess.

      Thanks for sharing.


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