Posted , 9 users are following.

I've been trying to figure out what to post because I don't want to focus on my suffering because everyone that is here is suffering in one way or another...or they are completely sober.

With this "condition"....those are the only 2 ways it goes....we either are suffering or recovering....or recovered.

I feel I had a good reason to "relapse"...I have been getting 4K for 2 years for "disability" thru insurance from a company I used to work for.

When I started was because I had received a small check....didn't know why and long story short....they stopped paying me because they believe all my problems are caused by mental illness (which they cover for 2 years). 

So..after the phone conversation with brain was like...HOW WILL I PAY MY MORTGAGE?  HOW WILL I EAT?  And I went to the liquor store to stop my brain and pain.

Drinking only caused more pain.  I ended in hospital again (my sister forced me to go).


I'm not going to didn't take away my pain and brain spin....because IT DID.  But, it caused me once again to be VERY sick.  I'm not going to say everything will be ok if I don't drink....cause I don't know that everything will be ok.


I will say....that I am physically and emotionally drained from this "condition".  I DID have 8 years sober previously...and I will continue to post and help others the best I get thru their tough days...because I KNOW...just as many here you feel.


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  • Posted

    Hi, just to say that all the lovely people who post on here are real fighters who work hard to beat an almost unbearable and unbeatable addiction...when we drink we face self hatred, fear and a feeling of absolute total hopelessness and helplessness...

    We battle everyday to stay is hard work....but we all have and will get there....

    We need great courage to win or even control our drinking, but we fight hard every single day...

    PAUL TURNER is a great help and ally, he is so experienced and he truly does and hugs to each and every single one of this forum...bravo, for everyday sober...and hugs on the days we are not....dee xxxx

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  • Posted

    What a ride Missy. I am sorry to be negative but it does not look good. Last yr or 15 monts ago you nearly died..let us pray that you are improving now...Robin
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    • Posted

      Yes, Robin...I just told my b/f last night I need to go pick out my burial plot...and I said it in all seriousness....because IF I had poor family would not know what to do...nor have the money.

      It is the sad truth of the disease..and no matter how TRUE it is...

      I know I can't say I will NEVER drink again.  And I know also that if I do....I am taking an even bigger risk...than 15 months ago.

      You weren't were "realistic" and "honest".


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    • Posted

      I read when you said you felt "this is it" and I thought...I'm glad she thinks so....I'm frightened that it may not be.  But thank you for thinking positive. 


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  • Posted

    finally i am able to sign in again as computer crashed. It is so nice to read from people who are stuck in this battle. I have got really bad again. in fact i drove my car round for ages yesterday cause i decided it was not fair on my hubby to put up with me. I came home, what makes me laugh is he takes away the car key but I can literally walk to the shop. i have been sober before but this time i am really struggling - i even laughed just when i found a hidden bottle and then you have times when you are looking for somewhere new to hide it as you know they will find it. I hate being like this, have had to cancel meeting later saying ill a I cannot drive and have no car key anyway. hate being like this but I don;t know anyway out of it at the moment. I have asked fro rehab countless times but huge waiting list and then you have to qualify and yet someone i met at aa got in ther easily years ago. i just want to be shut away from it all but there is nowhere to go bar AA which stopped going to when one lady had a go at me and there is one just up the road on a thurs evening but won't go in case no somebody, so i'm just shut away in the house not getting well at all, just drinking and thinking when is the shop open and cause i do cakes i use the excuse cider is for cakes. I wish someone lived near me from these boards who has managed to get dry and could come round and say it will be ok - do this etc

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    • Posted

      Hi Kathy...sad

      Its hard to answer this post because I KNOW there is nothing I can do or say to make you stop.


      I know this because there was nothing anyone could do or say to make me stop.

      I can suggest...that you taper off alcohol...if you can put your mind to that.....slowly lessen the amount you are drinking...until the morning comes that you say...ok...I'm going without!

      I was able to taper ONE time....the rest of the times I tried to taper it did not work because all the other times I would just give up and drink or drink MORE.

      The only positive thing I can say to you is...that alcohol....wreaks its havoc...very quickly....BUT...if you are able to stop...we also recover pretty quickly...4-5 days....


      Keep posting..and getting support here....I am in the US...but notice most of the people on this page are in the UK.


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    • Posted

      Kathy that is exactly how I feel.  I am in UK and say that I wished I knew someone who I could share with face to face.  I have a AA meeting place 5 mins walk away, but don't want to go alone and dread the thought of someone I know seeing me.  I hide all the time, and they get found sometimes.  I feel very embarrassed when they are found and confronted, but still I don't stop.

      God help us.

      G.  x

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  • Posted

    ps I am trhying to work out where this forum is as some posts are from 2 hours etc ago and that would be 5.15 am in UK
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    • Posted

      Hello Kathy,

      This Forum is in U.K., but people Post from other countries, as well.

      I am in Scotland.  Where are you ?

      Our battle with the bottle is a tough one.  Do you take any medication, to help?  I take Selincro/Nalmefene to help me reduce intake of Units.

      Keep trying to have control.  It is so difficult.

      I wish you WELL.

      Alonangel 🎇

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    • Posted

      I am in the Midlands - in a village called Dordon near Tamworth, Staffs yet have a B'ham postcode and village is North Warks work that one out. My gp gae me Vit B2 compound but says stuff you are on she cannot do has to be via recovery centre - which is driving distance and 20 mins away - what she wants me to drive??? did you get it from your gp as I cannot understand why mine will not give me anything. it's the 2nd one I have heard about but no chance of getting it as costs so much for them to prescribe apparently - so would they rather you die from drink then? but then she says you need to help yourself which I did for months but then things trigger it off again - like hubbys daughter but he won't tell her to stop harassing me when I try to get in touch for his sake he just lets her do it rather than saying louise leave kathy alone and then he tells me you are not supposed to be getting in touch with her.  she slags him off says he is no dad of hers and then comes to stay with his mum and is as nice as pie when he goes over. she is so two faced it is untrue and has partners mum wrapped round her little finger big time. ye i used to do loads for her and we lent her 8000 to pay off her bills and get somewhere new to live - a lot of which was mine. hey ho been watching the sixth sense bless him colin fry - not sure if you get it up there?  he died bless him of cancer recently - wonder if he predicted that as he is so good at people coming through to him and him telling their loved ones.  a lot of people dont believe in it but i do lol x


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    • Posted

      I think the rules are different in Scotland, re prescribing Selincro/Nalfemene. My G.P. prescribes it OK although it costs £4 a tablet, to the Practice ..... prescriptions are free in Scotland.

      I think I am very fortunate to get it.  I have been G.P.'s patient for 35years... he said I was worth it... I wept !

      You seem to have a great deal of stress in your life.  Stress makes me drink more.  Do you take any medication to help with that.  I take Escitalopram for Depression and Diazepam for Anxiety.  I have other meds. for other Health Problems.  I have to calculate when I can drink... or just leave out meds. that interact with alcohol.  Sadly, I prioritise Alcohol.

      Take care,

      Blessings from

      Alonangel ??

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    • Posted

      Hi Kathy, I didn't know that the gp may not give you a med, that must be why mine referred me to a Recovery Clinic but it is a 20 mins drive like you.  I don't want to drive so it would be 2 bus rides, hubs works so could not take me.  I have private medical, I have not used as yet.

      I am in Manchester.  I love Colin Fry and watch him every morning.  I do believe in him strongly and love anything afterlife and angelic forces.  I have asked my angels for help - but think I am missing their answer!!  I was about to go and see him and then he passed - such a loss.

      Good to chat


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