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Alcoholism

Posted , 9 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

I've been trying to figure out what to post because I don't want to focus on my suffering because everyone that is here is suffering in one way or another...or they are completely sober.

With this "condition"....those are the only 2 ways it goes....we either are suffering or recovering....or recovered.

I feel I had a good reason to "relapse"...I have been getting 4K for 2 years for "disability" thru insurance from a company I used to work for.

When I started drinking...it was because I had received a small check....didn't know why and long story short....they stopped paying me because they believe all my problems are caused by mental illness (which they cover for 2 years). 

So..after the phone conversation with them...my brain was like...HOW WILL I PAY MY MORTGAGE?  HOW WILL I EAT?  And I went to the liquor store to stop my brain and pain.

Drinking only caused more pain.  I ended in hospital again (my sister forced me to go).

 

I'm not going to say...it didn't take away my pain and brain spin....because IT DID.  But, it caused me once again to be VERY sick.  I'm not going to say everything will be ok if I don't drink....cause I don't know that everything will be ok.

 

I will say....that I am physically and emotionally drained from this "condition".  I DID have 8 years sober previously...and I will continue to post and help others the best I can....to get thru their tough days...because I KNOW...just as many here KNOW...how you feel.

 

1 like, 53 replies

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  • gwen45436
    gwen45436 Misssy2

    Posted

    OMG Missy, that would get you out of your mnd with worry.   Why did the alcohol send you to hospital?

    You did so well with 8 years - I can't imagine doing that.

    The tough days are all days - never ending.  I have stomach issues and acid reflux so should not drink at all.  But I still do.  I am seriously stupid.

    Good to talk though.  Thanks for reading x

    G.

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 gwen45436

      Posted

      1. Because I told my sister and parents I was sucidal.

      2. Because I was killing myself again with ALCOHOL...not eating...just drinking and smoking...

      No way to live..at the time I didn't care thou. sad

  • kathy64561
    kathy64561 Misssy2

    Posted

    OMG this is so like my story - I don't smoke never have but at the mo I cannot stop drinking - I was at the shop at 8.30 am this morning. Needed some eggs for a cake but then bought large bottle of vodka. I have to do this birthday cake for sat which I will cause bought lucozade too and am drinking that instead with a tiny bit in it, as gp said to ween self off slowly not to just stop drinking as it can be very dangerous - is this right folks? xxx last time my bloods were fine 2 weeks ago when in hospital as I get acid reflux and have a gastric problem so they checked me out and said fine. but one of these days I will not be if i don't stop now. I've gone for ages before now and looked so much better and younger!!!!  I fell down the stairs into front door at the weekend as couldnt walk properly and have a really badly bruised chin, lucky not broken jaw again which I did years ago and consultant said when went back to get pins out of jaw top and bottom had you been drinking - said yes - she said we all go through this at some point or many of us, but I am destroying my life, hubbys and my families. for the first time my mum said the other day you need to get a grip on things and stop this and she has never said anything like that before. she must have had enough, they sent money to hubby to help with bills which makes me feel worse. 

    I just wish I could turn round and stop this as it is destroying everyone I love, but I have asked countless times for rehab, NO is the answer and even if said yes huge waiting list. I go to hospital I can't drink but that is not the answer. Please can someone tell me what to do to start a proper recovery apart from wanting to which I do or I will end up dead.

    sorry to be so morbid folks xxxx

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436 kathy64561

      Posted

      It's not morbid - just honest.  When I go to the supermarket, I think no wine today don't get any!!!!  Get my shopping and a bottle jumps right into my basket.  I have gastric probs and reflux too and just had the camera job down throat, no signs of liver disease (I was honest with the specialist about my reflux) but slight sign of fatty liver.  I know how to correct this !?!?!?

      I don't know about rehab here in Manchester on NHS.  I do have private cover but don't think it covers alcohol misuse.  I have looked into private rehab and it is like £2,000 per week - I would do it if I thought it would work, but I think I would start all over again.

      I am sure someone on here can tell you what to do to start recovery cause like you I feel I will end up dead.

       I have been after a new kitchen for years and my husband has finally agreed to get me one.  I should be jumping for joy but when the designer was here last night, I really was not bothered as I could not help thinking - this is a lot of money and I don't think I am going to be around that long to appreciate it.  I don't even want it now - and of course as soon as he had gone, I poured a glass of wine.

      I wish we could all meet up and thrash it out.  I think that is the way forward for me anyway.  I need a buddy who is in the same situ.

      My best mate drinks moderately and when I said to her I have a problem, I am alcoholic, she laughed and said don't be ridiculous, when we go out for lunch you only have a slimline tonic!!!!!!

      It's hard when besties and hubbies don't get it at all.

      Keep chatting - we must find a way.

      Hugs

      Gwen

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 kathy64561

      Posted

      Kathy I wish I could help you devise a plan...but I don't know the UK systems enough to navigate us thro it.

      I hope someone here can tell you the best way to approach this since you want the help!

      The US is so much better at this.

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436

      Posted

      I had never heard of TSM until I came on here.  I have read the report which was very kindly put my way and like it.  I think for those of us scared to take the plunge, this is the way to go.  I am going to speak to my doc about starting this, it won't stop me completely but it will give my organs s fighting chance before it is too late (hopefully).

      Brill site.  Thanks to all of you for helping us helpless ones out.

      G.

    • gwen45436
      gwen45436

      Posted

      I would love the start a secret AA here in my home.  I don't fancy the higher power of AA.  I would like to have a support meeting a couple of times a week (coupled with whatever else people want to follow) like a Weight Watchers or Slimming World meeting.  We could chivvy each other on and gives points out with a congrats gift - and alcohol-in as opposed to weigh-in.

      I want to help myself and others desparately.

      Hugs as always.

      G.

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