alcoholism

Thank you Joanna,

I realise that i drink far too much, and use the excuse that i can go without sometimes for a week or so use tht as an excuse that i not have a problem, but it was the other week when i was putting my rubbish out and actually realised i had 4 empty vodka bottle in my bin form just over 5 days, and also i am buying alcohol delivery service and thinking if i buy from these twice a week and only go in my local shop twice a week i won't be looked at as an alcoholic. I am very scared to get checked put as i only turned to drink as 5 yrs ago i lost my business and all to a partner who not only nearly killed but lost me my business. I have a new business, but i am still fighting PESD and night terrors from what happened so used alcohol as my crutch, but now has become a habit as i am now agoraphobic as he is now out of prison. I feel so lost and trying so hard to use my business as a diversion, but now it is the alcohol i am using as i diversion x

Sorry PTSD*

First to change something louisa (like your name by the way)....to change...we have to acknowledge....You have already acknowledged that you have a full blown problem.

What I think you may not be acknowledging is that you would have this problem with PTSD...or without PTSD.  I have PTSD..too and many other conditions...that I could rely on for my reason for drinking.

But, the truth is...your an alcoholic...in my belief there is some genetic disposition to you being prone to over using alcohol...you were born with it.....I was born with it....I'm not like everyone else that drinks...when I put any alcohol in my body....I can't stop drinking until I get drunk.

So the only solution for me is to NOT put ANY alcohol in my body.  OR to find a way to put alcohol in my body but to not abuse it.

2 choices -

Be abstinent with some help from drugs that stop cravings.

OR...use the Sinclair method or Naltraxone drug to curb your cravings, still drink (but drink less, because the drug makes your brain think drinking is not so appealing) and eventually stop drinking.

But, it seems the end result is the persons goal in both circumstances is to avoid alcohol, live happier and be healthier.

Not everyone can achieve sobriety to the point of total abstinence...hence these types of forums exist for us to discuss our UPS...Our DOWNS and our in betweens.

Nice to meet you..glad you found the board!

ty Missy, i know i have 2  either stop or control, hense why i joined here so i could be around those fighting this and hopefully it will help me to understand and also stop this distruction. I appreciate your feedback it means a lot x

welcome...have you decided if you want to stop or control?

Maybe control first until you are able to stop?

 

what a hard life Louisa and how hard a drinker for a woman you are. Many other women would have collapsed..hard to tell you simply to stop since that could be very very dangerous..do try to cut down gradually Robin

That is why i posted Robin, i have finally realised the damage and destruction i am doing to my body. Iam going to be a granny for the 1st time in May and want to be either controlled or have stopped. So i thought it best to get help professionally and also from those who have or are in the same situation with drink. Thank you for your coments all of you it means alot.

Sorry I mean like a robotic action.

So you maybe be blocking some trauma behind that.

Vodka is strong so you are probably trying to block pain.

What you need to do is go to a rehabilitation unit which uses cognitive behavioural therapy to help you kick the habit...

Cognitive behavioural therapy is the most powerful form of therapy used on people that use alcohol as a crutch and it s success rate is high.

Sometimes drinking can turn into a bad habit ..

I am going to a hypnotherapist next week to sort out my alcohol dependency and if he is good you just never know maybe it may encourage others to take that route too.

The good thing is you recognise a problem that is the first step to recovery..

SO WELL DONE??😊

Thank you Jessie. Sitting here 2nite 3/4 down the bottle not drunk quite alert and thinking to myself not only is this getting expensive i'e checked what i spent on voddie in last month and i have spent £180.00 so far. I am not bragging if that how it sounds i am saying because what an expensive way to kill yourself and i know this habit is doing this 2 me, or i should say i am doing this to me.  I have a great business and have got myself back in to a place where i lost everything, it's like after everything i do not know how to enjoy it and stop letting the past control me. I got an email the other day from someone and they said if you want to stop you will, i was like are you an addict and they said no, so i replied i am and i am ashamed that this has taken over my body and my life, and when you are in my place tell me you can pass by a shop without seeing the ads for special offers on booze and not go in, sit at home and yearn for that drink to stop you feeling. Trouble is like any drug your body becomes immune and so you take more. I so want to kick this habit as i know it is killing me :-( x

how is today going for you Louisa? Just wondering since you want to stop and it is not easy.... Robin

I have replied to you both missyand Robin but i swore so might be not posted sorry been a bad week :-(

I have found out going  2 be a granny 4 the 1st time so my son bloxked me on fb and doesn't want me 2 know them, my other son sent me a pic of the scan and was in tears so uknow the story felt sorry for myself and have hit the bottle today, i know didn't and shouldn't have done that but am heart broken but this is a scan of my grandchild i might not ever see, and if i could be told mum stop and u can be in ther lives i can promise i would stop xx

I probably understand this like no other.

My oldest and his girlfriend have eliminated me from my 7 year old grandsons life AND I have never seen my grandaughter that will be 2 in 2 weeks (except one time when she was born).

The SAME reason...I was drinking and going in and out of their lives...there is a lot more to the story than that..but for the most part...my drinking only put the nail in the coffin.

Somehow get sober....you can only SHOW them that you are sober....you can't tell them anything.....

I DO know how much pain you are in...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of BOTH of my sons....BOTH have shut me down due to how much alcoholism has hurt them.

You are so right Missyand it is one of the rasins i searched  for a forum like this, i know i have falied today, and this is not an excuse i was sohurt and any noraml person picking up a bottle of voddie or wine it wouldn't be flinched upon, but when u r told u r not a person they want in there loves it kills you, it;s not a case if being weak it is a case in your own mind that they are proving a point as to how u feel about yourself if that makes sence xx

It makes a lot of sense...but as I DID NOT FAIL.

You did not fail.

You are his mother!  Just as I am my sons mother....we deserve to be loved...we have an illness...one they don't understand...Its not an excuse to say it is an illness...it is not an excuse to drink because they shut you out...it is a coping mechanism...one that is a very bad....FOR US.

I find it to be an excuse for them to avoid something that is hard for them...and you can't blame them....my therapist told me that my boys pulling away from me because they can't deal with what this "condition" entails...it entails let downs, FEAR of losing us....anger....

My counselor doesn't have children...I understand they have feelings....I understand it is hard.  But, I only hope that my continued sobriety will make me stronger...and give me the knowledge of what to do....next...involving them.

In the meantime.....I try to do what is best for me...and staying sober right now is the best thing for me...and believe me I do have hope that they will return someday or I will have the strength to deal with what has happened to our relationship.

But, drinking is not going to help me get to that place.

Regardless of my drinking...I am a GOOD, LOVING, GIVING person....and I have the sense that you are all those things too.

Just remember when your sad...someone does know how you feel...and that is ME.

PM me anytime.

 

My sipport worker i saw today said to me you have stepped back for 3 yrs have built a business and even with the drinking you have not lost it i have used alll the coping mecjanisms u have been taught... your son has become so used 2 u giving him all amd now u fighting to keep your business alive because of the abusive man u let in your life and nearly kill you and take all you had he using that as an excuse to make u seem weak, and she is right Missy, isn't it funny i am 49 and see my friends posts of depressiona dn can answer straight away what they should do as i did psycholgy threw open univerity  with flying colours in uk, but we didn't listen when we read all those pheosis about how we ignore our own hang ups ;-(  and how 2 deal with them, always easier when u sort others out hey x

Since 8pm tonight i have nearly polidhed off 3/4 lt of voddie snd ehst msked me more worrid is i can still sit here typing as know my tolerance level is getting more :-( xx ty so much Missy that means somuch xxx

 

sorry it my lappy as missing letters meant andwhat worries me more is can still sit here typing like normal xx

In my opinion there's only l person who can stop you from drinking, and that's you.

I don't see how 'being hypnotised ' can stop you drinking. If it's that easy, am sure the medical profession would offer it to anyone who wanted it, would save the NHS millions of pounds.

Maybe the vodka has something to do with it!

what do u mean by that Vicky? 

 

Hi louisa - hope your ok today.  Feeling this for you, as Misssy does.  I too am abandoned by my daughter - I have four grandchildren and have never seen them.  The eldest is  19 and the youngest is 11.  Nothing to do with alcohol; she never got on with her dad (well neither did I) but because I never left him (which I did tell her I would) she dropped all contact with us both (just after she and I had picked her wedding dress and made all the flower, cake, church, cars, bridesmades dresses etc arrangements).  I was beside myself, then she went on to have four children and would not entertain me asking her to meet me to talk.  Tried loads of times.  But I started on the slilppery road then - I always had a drink but nothing like what I started to do to blank it out.  My mate got hold of her works telephone number a couple of months ago and phoned her to ask her to meet up with her to act as mediator but she would not have it.  So basically, I know I am going to eventually disappear and she does not want to know.  Now that makes me want to drink

I sympathise with you so much, the feeling of deep helplessness and life slipping you by.

All I can say is stay on here - it is a life saving place IMHO.  I have met and made some lovely friends who have either told me firmly but gently to pull my socks up or who have just put a little spring in my step.

Take care hunni and keep posting......................G.

Just re-read your post, it makes me very sad and mad that people do not understand the devastation that we, people with a problem with alcohol dependance, have to go through day after day after day.  Life throws 

c++ p at you, and yes some people manage to handle it easily (my hubs) and I think "why can't I be like that."

This forum makes me think deeply - and I think that most alcohol dependent people have depression - depression is usually found in people who are 'people pleasers'  they want and love to help others, so when things going wrong it  really affects them, they don't want to upset others.  Bit of a curse really - and for those of us with this, we actually have a lovely soft personality, drink becomes blank out or relief from our torture - in the form of alcohol - and then morning arives............!!!

My husband absolutely does not drink to forget or blank - and it both annoys me and makes me jealous.

Just felt the need to put this down on here - take care ya here.......G x

hugs to you gwen.

I'm also jealous of people that can drink normally.

My mother is known (if I am out on a day trip with her)...she will ask me to go in the liquor store for her to get her a gallon of rum..that lasts her about 2 months...(she doesn't walk well).

My father gets mad at her when she has asked me to go in the store for her and I walk in the house with a gallon of rum!

I wish a gallon of rum could last me 2 months.  Its not like I want it (no reason for my Dad to get upset)...I drank beer...it just makes me jealous!

Aww Misssy there we go jealous, and it is supposed to be a not nice word in the world of psychology - but in reality yes I am and dont mind admitting it - luv ya xx

very thoughtful reply Gwen!! Amazing and so true. I was not depression in the proper or "full" sense but did get stressed or depressed when I could not find booze certain times of the day....gone now for 4 yrs..stopped...keep well Robin

A joke that two much vodka might be the reason for typing funnily. Don't think it's your laptop as it's the same with my iPad, it's this site. Can't see what you're typing, like a teleprinter...

It was just a lighthearted comment, hope I didn't offend you.

I thought this site had been sorted out, obviously not.

It's a pain, but not as bad as writing a long reply only for the dreaded message to appear and the reply or post vanish mid sentence.

Louise don't give up hope over your forthcoming grandchild. I was in the same position. My son told me they didn't want me looking after the baby when mum went back to work.

Whilst I was heartbroken , I didn't blame them at all and if I couldn't stop now for my grandchild, then there was something seriously wrong. This was make or break time, a real incentive.

I had to quite rightly earn their trust and let them see that I was doing all I could, so I stopped drinking.

To cut a long story short, I now have my grandson twice a week and love showing him off. I know that just one whiff of alcohol and I lose my grandson. I bought a breathaliser kit, and made sure someone in the family checked it, twice a day to start with.

Trust has to be earned and there were times when I felt I needed a drink (not when around grandso ). Thought of not seeing or having him was the biggest incentive ever

I realise I'm lucky in that they believe me when I said I wouldn't drink whilst being near

them.

He will be 1 on 17/11 and am organising a small party at my house for him. 18 months after I stopped drinking alone secretively and I couldn't be happier.

I still drink, but openly and honestly, and anymore than three glasses of wine, knocks me out.

I won't say it was easy, but I had a real incentiive, my family. My son was prepared to give me one last chance and for two afternoons a week, I can forget about everything, and and enjoy my 'alone' time with my grandson. Something I thought I'd blown.

Louisa I know exactly how you are feeling, but you can turn your life around, gain trust

and enjoy your grandchild.

Double double gold star right at ya Robin !!

Hi guys sorry not been on a bender, just getting my head round some poo, ty all for your wishes and advice it really means a lot so glad i came here where people know what it is like, i 1st felt ashamed joining but now i feel comfortable as some great advice u have given, and to here u say the same makes me realise it not just me xx

Vickylou, missy and gwen ty so much and u robin, i smile and have a wee giggle sometimes when i log on here sometimes now as we all seem to carbon copy our thoughts haha xx

Yes, same here, makes me smile.  Best thing I did.  I don't have any family or friends who are in the same boat as me.  My "ladies who lunch" mate said when I told her I had a problem and think I am an alcoholic told me not to be ridiculous as I never drink alcohol over lunch, only slimline tonic and lemon.  What I didn't tell her is that I have my stash at home ready for the evening onslought.

It made me feel so ashamed and alone, but coming on here is a life saver and the reason I have knocked it right down to a glass a day (hoping to keep the doctor at bay).  I am sure you will find the strength from this site and if you fall, we will pick you up.  Keep strong x

admitting to your drinking is HARD but you are still brave!! A LOT LESS DRINKING ALREADY...well done!! Robin

Thanx bud