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All I ever want to do is be asleep

Posted , 9 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I work part time, just a temporary job - if I start later on in the day e.g. 4pm then I won't get out of bed until 3pm and as soon as I get home I just get straight back in to bed. All I think about all day is being able to go to sleep and lie in my bed. 

Today was my day off, I got back from work yesterday at 6pm had some food, got into bed at 7pm and only just got out of my bed now (6pm the following day).

All I want is to go to sleep and that be that. I was supposed to have counselling today but it was cancelled. I don't see or speak to anyone other than those at work briefly. I don't even want to keep fighting my depression anymore, I don't know if it makes any sense but, I no longer care about getting better, I don't care about a future. I want so badly to just be asleep, forever. It really is all I want, I crave it. No life, just emptiness. 

I feel like I should try and do something other than just work and lie in bed but I don't want it. Though I'm sure it isn't healthy. I barely eat because I don't want food and I don't want to go out in public longer than necessary to the shop to buy food. 

I've been whining on here for a long while about the same issues so if you've read this to the end I am sorry! 

4 likes, 24 replies

24 Replies

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  • killerkid700
    killerkid700 fee25

    Posted

    Fee, don't be sorry

    We're all here and we all love you

    Have you started some new meds recently, anything that might make you feel this way?

    • fee25
      fee25 killerkid700

      Posted

      Thank you Tom <3

      no, i'm still on the same meds, same dosage etc. so, i don't know if it's just linked to my depression in general? no,="" i'm="" still="" on="" the="" same="" meds,="" same="" dosage="" etc.="" so,="" i="" don't="" know="" if="" it's="" just="" linked="" to="" my="" depression="" in="">

      no, i'm still on the same meds, same dosage etc. so, i don't know if it's just linked to my depression in general?>

    • killerkid700
      killerkid700 fee25

      Posted

      Yeah, I suffer from the same thing regularly where even breathing makes me tired

      Try and find something to keep you occupied, like games or TV

      Maybe get some games on your phone so you can be doing something while lying in bed?

      It's up to you really, but I found that the only way to get through the tiredness is to keep yourself entertained

      Good luck

    • fee25
      fee25 killerkid700

      Posted

      Thanks for the advice, 

      I will have a look for something to keep me entertained, I still have a few books that I haven't finished reading yet so things like that would probably help! 

       

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee

    Please don't apologise for posting your concerns. I can relate to everything you have said. I live much the same existence as you apart from I haven't contemplated looking for work. I wish I knew the answer to give you as I fully understand how debilitating this illness is. Have you had a mess review recently? I'm now asking for one as after four months on meds I still spend 95% of my time laying on my bed. I honestly think it's worth pestering your doctor and telling him/her that you are struggling.

    That said for now if your mind and body is telling you to rest...don't fight it. Go with it rather than beating yourself up about it. The key is getting the right medical support and then more time for your body to recover.

    God bless

    • fee25
      fee25 lorraine52317

      Posted

      The last time I spoke to my GP I told her that I was feeling extremely low and that I was scared etc. I tried to be honest with her about everything. She just said that she thinks the meds are working and sent me on my way which was disheartening. 

      I'm struggling to pay rent as well which is on my mind a lot, just want everything to stop. 

      I hope you have been doing ok lately Lorraine, it's a tough illness that is for sure. So hard to live life when you're mind and body feel so separate! 

      xxx

  • maria_1963
    maria_1963 fee25

    Posted

    I fully understand where you are coming from though i am not able to work due to both mental and physical health problems , i am fortunate though that my counselling comes to my home , i am on one medication in the morning and have been prescribed 3 to take in the evening to hopefully get me through the night ( my own GP and psychiatrist at the CMHT centre combined suitable medication ) , you are not alone in your feelings , thoughts , as shall be able to help you better then myself as my confidence recently took a knockback when a illness was diagnosed in July ( Physical ) and was totally unexpected and has been hard to deal with hence why i am getting better support from my local mental health team now then i got before July , i also have a support worker from Mental Health Team coming out to do craft projects with me once a week to help me to start enjoying life again as i have little interest in life , like you just want to sleep and basically not wake up . As i said though others will be able to give you better advice , but i just wanted you to know that you are not alone xx

    • fee25
      fee25 maria_1963

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply Maria, 

      Unlike you I am fortunate enough to be pretty well in terms of my physical health. It's just my mind feels it's better, safer, to be switched off and hidden away and my body feels so heavy it's like I can't move! I just want a few years break from life, not a few hours. All I want is sleep, no future. 

      It is reassuring to know that I am not alone in feeling this way, thank you so much for your response xx

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 fee25

      Posted

      Killerkid700 gives very good advice , i have been stocking up on Dvds ( via Ebay ) to watch as well television i have to rest alot and i watch those until i feel sleepy then go to sleep , my safe haven is my bedroom , my bed , i also do something else as a distraction from bad thoughts - i have got a selection of Colouring Books for Grown Ups and they help my anxieties . I am sorry i cannot do more to advice you but please take care , take each part of the day as it comes .xx
    • fee25
      fee25 maria_1963

      Posted

      He does indeed! 

      I'm the same as you, my bedroom is my safe place...especially hidden away under the duvet! It's safe there, nobody can hurt me there. 

      Do you find the colouring books useful? I've heard a few people have been using them recently. xx

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 fee25

      Posted

      Yes - i find them a great help , i use gel pens for them as they give vibrant outlooks once a picture has been coloured , i take the books and pens with me when i am in hospital and the staff they all commented on what a good idea they were , the colouring books put me at ease while staying at Hospital , they help me pass the time while i am home , the gentleman who comes to see me once a week ( sometimes more if i am having an even more of a bad day ) , checks my medication , checks on my welfare , etc , asked to have a look at the one i was doing last week - i do them while waiting in the lounge for him to arrive , he was impressed and said that they are a good distraction . I get my gel pens from Supermarkets , Wilko's , The Works . I get most of my colouring books for grown ups from The Works , Ebay xx
    • fee25
      fee25 maria_1963

      Posted

      I'm glad they help you, I think I might give them a go. No harm in trying! 

      They're definitely a good distraction and sound like a good way to calm you down, I often get extremely worked up and anxious before leaving the house so they may come in handy to do before work etc. 

      Thank you Maria xx

    • patricia44773
      patricia44773 fee25

      Posted

      I have started using the colouring books, Fee, my daughter bought me one and I find it very relaxing.  For some reason, when I am doing it I don't think about any of the things which worry me or depress me.  Strange, isn't it?  I wish I had more time to spend doing it.

      Anything is worth a try, Fee.  I just wish you didn't need to hide away.  I feel so very sad for you.  I feel so helpless.

      Anyway, keep posting, you are well loved on here and we need to know how you are on a regular basis.

      Take care,

      Patxxx

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 fee25

      Posted

      Please do give them a go , i find them a great help prior to appointments , home visits , otherwise i get into a panic attack / breathing difficulties , i even did some in Mental Health Centre car when the gentleman who oversee's my care ( he is the one who comes to my home to check that i am okay , checks my medication , etc ) gave me a lift to the centre to see a locum psychiatrist recently and it eased my anxiety a little ( i didn't want to go the centre but had to as the psychiatrist cannot do home visits )
    • fee25
      fee25 patricia44773

      Posted

      Thank you Patricia! xx

      I'm glad you find they help, a few people that I know use them and do enjoy them so I do think it may be worth a go, nothing to lose by trying. I suppose it is something easy and relaxing to do that allows your mind to concentrate...but not having to concentrate too hard! 

      I do find it more and more difficult to get out of the house and do things because I am safe here, nobody will hurt you if you're locked away in your room! Or hopefully not anyway. But, it is also not healthy to be locked away in my flat so, I do wish I could change things, it's just very difficult getting there. 

      Thank you for your support through all of this Patricia xxx

    • fee25
      fee25 maria_1963

      Posted

      I will give them a go I think Maria, they sound like a good way to relax and I will have to leave the house to buy some pens etc. so that gives me an excuse to get out for a short while. Like you I get very anxious before appointments so it may come in very useful before my counselling sessions etc. 
    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 fee25

      Posted

      Enjoy and good luck - just take each part of the day as it comes , do what you can do but don't worry about doing big steps , do baby steps and gradually build up to bigger steps , take care xx
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