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All I ever want to do is be asleep

Posted , 9 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I work part time, just a temporary job - if I start later on in the day e.g. 4pm then I won't get out of bed until 3pm and as soon as I get home I just get straight back in to bed. All I think about all day is being able to go to sleep and lie in my bed. 

Today was my day off, I got back from work yesterday at 6pm had some food, got into bed at 7pm and only just got out of my bed now (6pm the following day).

All I want is to go to sleep and that be that. I was supposed to have counselling today but it was cancelled. I don't see or speak to anyone other than those at work briefly. I don't even want to keep fighting my depression anymore, I don't know if it makes any sense but, I no longer care about getting better, I don't care about a future. I want so badly to just be asleep, forever. It really is all I want, I crave it. No life, just emptiness. 

I feel like I should try and do something other than just work and lie in bed but I don't want it. Though I'm sure it isn't healthy. I barely eat because I don't want food and I don't want to go out in public longer than necessary to the shop to buy food. 

I've been whining on here for a long while about the same issues so if you've read this to the end I am sorry! 

4 likes, 24 replies

24 Replies

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  • Digsby
    Digsby fee25

    Posted

    Dear Fee,

    I think you are doing amazing to be getting to work and fulfilling that big commitment. You might possibly say that you feel under pressure to keep working and pay your bills (I'm sure that is the case). However, you would not be giving yourself enough credit for the tremendous strength it takes to hold down a job when you struggle through each day. We know how hard it can be to make ourselves do anything meaningful in a day. To do as much as you are doing must be taking all your energy so I'm not surprised you need to sleep and rest when at home. I live in a 1-bedroom flat and it is my sanctuary. I can have days when I spend rather more time than I'd like in my bed and my sleep pattern is all over the place at the moment. I'm trying hard to keep my bed just for sleeping. I'll watch TV or listen to music to relax and chill out. I read alot too to try and tire my brain out ready for sleep. Only when I'm feeling really tired do I go to bed. I must have read somewhere that it's helpful to set boundaries so that you get used to sleeping. If I lay in bed too long, I'd just get restless and ruminate so I need to get up and distract my brain ;-)

    Listen to your body and give it what it needs. Don't feel guilty for taking the time that you need for yourself. You are keeping in contact with your friends online so that is a great habit to keep up. If you can find something positive to think about and one thing - however small - to be grateful for when you wake up, to replace that "oh no, not another day on planet earth" feeling that we can all relate to, that might set the tone for a better day. So proud of the strength you are showing Fee. Please keep going and believe in yourself.

    Sending hugs your way. Digsby xx

    • fee25
      fee25 Digsby

      Posted

      Thank you Digsby, 

      It's usually just 20 - 26 hours per week and it's only a temp job but, it does tire me out an awful lot! Especially so as I have been spending so much time not leaving my bed! The irritating thing is that I really don't like this job, I wake up full of dread and feel that way all day, then get home and dread the next day! 

      thank you for your kind words and support Digsby, it means a lot smile xx

    • Digsby
      Digsby fee25

      Posted

      Even more of a super-human achievement when it's a job you don't enjoy - that might have motivated you more. You are still doing a brilliant thing each day and deserve all the rest that you get. The effort you put in is worthwhile and is benefitting you and making you stronger. Keep going - one step at a time.

      Hugs xx

  • liana01735
    liana01735 fee25

    Posted

    Hi Fee,

    If you feel that your GP is dismissive I recommend asking to see someone else. I had a similiar problem in that they just weren't listening to me. The best thing is to ask to see different GPs at your practice until you find one you feel comfortable with and stick with them. You may even want to try a different practice if you don't find a good one where you are currently registered. Also if you are feeling tired all the time there could be other contributing factors such as a thyroid problem. Any GP worth their salt will request a blood test for you.

    I hope your condition improves soon xx

    • fee25
      fee25 liana01735

      Posted

      She is usually very good and I do feel comfortable with her but, I think it gets to a point where most Dr's just think, well I've done all I can and I can do no more. 

      I had a blood test not too long ago and all was fine, to be honest I don't sleep very well, I doze more than sleep so that may be a factor. 

      Thanks Liana xx

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